Christopher Reeve

- Christopher Reeve, the star of the Superman movies paralysed in a near-fatal riding accident nine years ago, has died of heart failure, his publicist said. He was 52. [Read]

- Pop rebel Christina Aguilera's naughty nurse advert for Skechers trainers has been shelved after complaints from America's nursing body. [Read] -- view the banned ads here

- Pop star Britney Spears formalized her union with dancer Kevin Federline Thursday just as she parted ways with the manager who had been guiding her career since she was 13, her spokeswoman said. [Read]

- Christina Aguilera has confessed she suffered a breakdown after her first single was released - because she was fed-up with being compared to Britney Spears. [Read]

Eva Longoria

I wouldn't normally admit to watching Desperate Housewives, but the presence of relative newcomer Eva Longoria wipes the shame away. Instead of having to explain why I'm drawn in by the intriguing storyline and manipulative backstabbing, I can just say that I enjoy watching Eva Longoria have sex with her teenage gardener and let that be the end of it. There's nothing quite as satisfying as maintaining your manly heterosexuality while still watching a TV show geared towards 30-something women.

Daniella Cicarelli

I was busy having lots of sex with supermodels so I didn't get a chance to update earlier. To make up for it, here are some pictures of Daniella Cicarelli from Spanish Maxim. It's been awhile since I've read any Spanish, so all I can tell you about Daniella Cicarelli is that she's got weird swollen looking lips and a nice pornstar look to her. I really have no idea who she is or what she does, but I think she's a model of some sort. She's a bit too slutty looking for high end fashion designers and a bit too ugly for magazines like Playboy. Honestly, the only modeling I can picture this girl doing is for car parts and sex toys. And really, aren't car parts and sex toys practically the same thing?

No, not really.

*Update: So Daniella Cicarelli is big in Spain and Portugal because she's a top Brazillian model and, more importantly, engaged to Real Madrid's top soccer player Ronaldo Carlos. Upon closer inspection of her other photos, I'm going to have to retract my previous statements and say that she does look much better than her Maxim spread had lead me to believe. Damn you, Spanish Maxim! You've foiled me yet again!

**Edit: Some readers pointed out that Daniella Cicarelli is actually engaged to Ronaldo Nazario and not Ronaldo Carlos. It's kind of hard to be engaged to somebody that doesn't exist.

Sung Hi Lee

If you're not familiar with Sung Hi Lee, it's because she's mostly famous for being Asian and naked. Despite efforts to break into mainstream Hollywood, her biggest role yet has been in The Girl Next Door in which she plays pornstar Ferrari. She's still looking pretty good, but her age is starting to show through. There's still a ton of pictures of her younger years around though, so if you're looking for some good masturbation material, just Google 'Sung Hi Lee' and I'm sure you'll find more than enough to last you a couple of days. Not that I would know though, because I only use the internet for uh...Party Poker? Yeah...

The Superficial News

- Cher is planning to celebrate her 60th birthday - in the nude. The flamboyant star, famed for her raunchy stage outfits, reportedly wants to celebrate her landmark birthday by posing naked for a men's magazine. [Read] -- I hope this is a joke

- Gisele Bundchen claims she was left "traumatised" by the lesbian kiss she shared in her debut movie. The stunning model, who stars as a sexy thief in upcoming film 'Taxi', was shocked when she learned she would have to kiss her female co-star, Jennifer Esposito. [Read]

- Kate Beckinsale has been accused of turning into a diva by fellow British actress Sienna Guillory - who claims the 'Pearl Harbor' star has a contract clause to disguise her alleged boob job. [Read]

Paris Hilton

When you look like Paris Hilton, you really have no choice but to pose for weird avant garde modeling shoots. She has the angular insect-like bone structure of most models, but she lacks the face that real supermodels like Gisele possess. Personally, I think she should give up trying to be a model and, once she gets her implants, just turn to a life of porn. She already has numerous sex videos in circulation, so it's clear that she would be quite successful in the business. Plus she would get paid for what she does anyways, having sex with weird creepy men.

View Paris Hilton Photos

Celebrities For Kerry

If you're not sure who to vote for in the upcoming election, you should probably just go with George W. Bush. This isn't to say that he's the better candidate or anything, it's just that voting against whoever Kirsten Dunst is voting for just seems like a good idea. Some people might have a problem with this logic, but that's because they don't understand that Kirsten Dunst is living evil. I mean sure, it's not the most informed way to make a decision, but if there's anything I've learned in my 84 years of experience, it's that prejudices and biases are totally awesome.

View Celebrities For Kerry @ [Fubar]

Arnold Schwarzenegger

I think it's safe to say that the governator is officially a fatass. Although he's still probably in better shape than most American males, the fact that it's Arnold 'I Will Crush Your Puny Body' Schwarzenegger just makes it seem worse than it is. Whereas a regular human being could pull off looking like a sack of potatos, you can't help but feel sorry when it happens to be Arnold. Seeing Mr. Universe look like this is just plain wrong. Almost as wrong as groping random women's breasts and making fun of their husbands' puny muscles. How wildly inappropriate, Mr. Governor.

*update: A number of readers pointed out that the picture of Arnold was actually taken right after his heart surgery in 2002 and before he started getting back into shape for the filming of T3. That's what I get for not doing my research, along with F's throughout college.

The Superficial News

- Cameron Diaz is one step closer to seeing a shutterbug from her past put on trial. Photographer John Rutter must show up Nov. 30 in Los Angeles to face criminal charges he forged Diaz's signature on a release form for some R-rated pictures the actress took before she was Hollywood's highest-paid actress. [Read]

- Naughty hotel heiress Paris Hilton was booed off stage as she tried to launch a pop career. [Read]

- Elton John criticized Madonna by publicly accusing the pop diva of lip-synching during her recent re-Invention Tour, E! Online reported Tuesday. [Read]

- [Lindsay Lohan's] now infamous father, Michael Lohan, pleaded guilty to assaulting a New York City sanitation worker and was sentenced to attend anger-management classes. [Read]