Beckham

The News of the World reports that David and Victoria Beckham are on the verge of splitting up despite Victoria's pregnancy with their new child. In typical spoiled bitch fashion, Victoria Beckham considers herself more high-bred than David and has been going around telling everyone, ‘I've married an Essex yob.' I don't know what an 'Essex yob' is, but if it means the world's most desirable athlete, than yes, she did indeed marry an 'Essex yob.' The news of the Beckham's marital troubles is so shocking and horrifying that the only cure may be to look at Victoria Beckham's poorly done implants and thong-revealing pants. I find that looking at a girl's naughty parts usually fixes most problems.

Read Article [Posh and Becks on rocks]

Keira Knightley

19 year old Keira Knightley recently had 10" of her hair cut off in what I can only imagine was an attempt to look less spectacularly beautiful. Unfortunately, her plan failed miserably as it was discovered that she actually looks pretty good with man-hair, which is a lot more than can be said of Rosie "The Angry Lesbian" O' Donnell. The only problem with the new hair though, is that it doesn't provide the bangs necessary to cover up that enlarged forehead of hers.

Read Article [Cut! It's Keira]

Britney Spears

Britney Spears is reportedly splashing out £50,000 to throw a 72-hour hen party while her fiance Kevin Federline will be celebrating his stag night in Las Vegas with seven friends and a suitcase of cash. It must be nice to be able to afford to pay for your own parties as well as your deadbeat fiance's. It must also be nice to know that you're extremely tasteful and not a whore at all. I mean, there's nothing quite as classy as a shirt that says "MILF in training" on it. Seriously. That's classy.

Read Article [Britney's hen night in]

Tommy Lee

In his latest book Tommyland, Tommy Lee discusses the technical problems with threesomes and the inherent superiority of foursomes.

"There are only so many things you can all do together and there are a few lovely things you can do to both of them at the same time and them to you. But when it comes time for [bleeping], unless there's something out there that I don't know about, you've only got one [sex organ] so there's always someone waiting. The thing to do is have foursomes. Three chicks and just you. If you have three chicks as into one another as they are into you, you can [have sex with] one and watch the other two go at it, which adds to the overall horniness. [I] may increase the number of girls, but [I'll] never be with fewer than three." [Read]

I couldn't agree more.

Paris Hilton

RZ writes in:

This past weekend, Paris Hilton had a hot, young Hollywood newcomer by the name of Ellen Hollman fired off the set of National Lampoon's: Pledge This, because she thought Ellen was too pretty. Literally, Paris refused to come to work, until Ellen was fired off the film. She was afraid that Ellen was going to take the attention away from her in all the scenes that they shared.

Ellen, a 21 year old stunner from NYC who relocated to Los Angeles just several weeks ago, happened to be the sweetest and nicest girl on the set according to other cast memebers and the crew.

Kirsten Dunst

Actress Kirsten Dunst has one request for organizers of awards shows who hope to lure her as a guest: make sure she isn't sitting near Christina Aguilera. "Christina Aguilera, who was sitting right behind me, was on her Blackberry babbling the whole time," said Dunst. "I wondered, 'If I kissed her like Madonna did, would she shut up?'" [Read]

Kirsten Dunst is a bitch? Shocking! I don't know about the whole Marilyn Monroe look, but sit Christina Aguilera next to me any day. Well except for the days that I don't want to contract twelve STD's. That girl has a lot of sex.

Paris Hilton

...that look like a praying mantis.

Agent Provocateur

Agent Provocateur's latest ad features the President of the United States (or rather, a poorly cast actor) participating in some sexual bondage. Don't know if this is your cup of tea or not, but I found the whole thing to be incredibly unsexy. There's just something about a freak in a black latex suit that really ruins the mood for me. I'm also not a huge fan of the whole 'nipple tassel' thing. Either show me the nipples or don't, but whatever you do don't attach black tassels to them. That's just plain ugly.

View Video (nsfw .wmv) -- thanks Tian
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Charlize Theron

[In her upcoming movie, Charlize Theron] romps topless in the bath with real-life Irish beau Stuart Townsend, dresses up in S&M leather and dances an erotically charged tango with on-screen lover Penelope Cruz. [Read]

Is it just me, or are Charlize Theron and Ashley Judd basically the same person? Although their names are completely different and they don't look very similar at all, they both give off the same vibe to me. Maybe it's because they both turned down my very exclusive offer to tape them making out with each other. Boy are they going to regret saying no to that one.