Katie Price (aka Jordan)

The infamous 34FF Jordan wants to remove her giant fake breasts in an effort to be taken more seriously. It didn't work for Pamela Anderson or Jenny McCarthy and it's not gonna work for Jordan. No matter what, these stupid blondes can't seem to survive without their big fake breasts. It's like their bodies have formed some sort of biological attachment to them and slowly die with every day that the implants aren't inside. Sure, Jordan's implants are a little more excessive than the average Hollywood blonde, but that's what defines her as Jordan. Does she really think anybody is gonna give a crap about her if she has normal sized breasts? Somebody needs to smack some sense into this woman. If you're blonde and you're stupid and you're not that pretty, the only way you'll get attention is if you have gigantic boobs. Damn, I'm a good role model.

Read Article [Jordan to see a shrink]

Lindsay Lohan

Looks like bra-showing tops are the new fashion in Hollywood. I guess if I paid $5000 for my boobs, I'd want to show them off as well.

Heidi Klum

Apparently Heidi Klum can't get married because it would violate her Victoria's Secret contract which stipulates that she can't alter her "highly marketable image." I guess being a loose slut is the sort of image Victoria's Secret is going for, considering Heidi Klum recently gave birth to the illegitimate child of Flavio Briatore and nobody seemed to care. So the moral of the story is: Victoria's Secret wants all women to be Europrean whores that sleep around and get knocked up. I salute you, Victoria's Secret. You're my hero.

Read Article [Could Marriage Cost Klum Her Contract?]

Britney Spears

It seems singer Britney Spears's wedding plans may be in the melting pot after it was reported that the 22-year-old pop princess called off her impending nuptials after a stand up row with her 26-year-old fiancé, dancer Kevin Federline. The couple were taking part in a photo shoot for the launch of Ms Spears new perfume, Curious, when she gave her fella a serious dose of the verbal’s before declaring she did not want to get hitched, reports the Daily Sport. [read]

Sounds like some solid journalism to me. I think it's safe to say with 100% confidence that Britney Spears' wedding is off. I mean, she got into a fight with Federline, what more do you need? That right there is definitive proof that the whole thing is over. It was good while it lasted though.

Anne Hathaway

These photos are a few months old, but they seemed fitting considering Princess Diaries 2 just debuted. As much as I'm for the "no bra" look, I'm definitely not down with the clownwhore makeup look. Celebrities have got to start learning that putting on tons of makeup isn't always a good thing. Sure it hides those ugly blemishes, but looking like a clown prostitute isn't really that much better.

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(thanks Brett)

*UPDATE: A reader writes in that Anne Hathaway was on The Graham Norton Effect last week and revealed she would be shedding her good girl image by appearing topless in her newest film Havoc. Rock on.

Tara Reid

Because everybody loves looking at big fake boobs, here's Tara Reid for no particular reason. Well, except for that whole big fake boob looking at thing.

Scarlett Johansson

You wouldn't think that Scarlett Johansson is a whore, because she looks so sweet and innocent, but she's supposedly hooked up with more men than some really slutty...hooker...slut. There was that whole Benecio Del Toro incident where she started screwing him in an elevator, and then there was that time she had sex with some other guy in a McDonalds, and then the other time when she had sex with a midget at a preschool for poor people. Okay those last two may not be true, but it still doesn't change the fact that she had sex with a 37 year old Benicio Del Toro in an elevator. That's sick, man.

Read Article [Scarlett Johansson and Jared Leto an item]

Beyonce

Besides the obvious reasons why being fat sucks, there's always that added bonus that if you step on somebody's toe, you may very well break it. I'm surprised Beyonce didn't throw a diva fit after getting her toe broken and start firing people left and right. And I'm even more surprised that Beyonce's huge bodyguard is named "Shortie." That's so ironic!

Read Article [Heavyweight bodyguard breaks Beyonce's toe]

Kylie Minogue

Kylie Minogue is ready to give up her music career to be a mum, according to reports. The pop princess has told boyfriend Olivier Martinez she will quit pop if he wants to start a family, the Daily Star said. [read]

Isn't Kylie Minogue like 50 or something? Why doesn't she already have kids? Must be because she's ugly. She's got a great body for a 50 year old though.