Brad Pitt has the flu

I don't know why, but The Associated Press is reporting that Brad Pitt checked himself into a Los Angeles hospital due to "flu-like symptoms".

"I think he has the flu," the spokeswoman said.

I wish I was making this up, but this is actually a story that somebody researched and wrote. You know the world is coming to an end when journalists are reporting on whether or not Brad Pitt has the flu. London bombings? Who cares. It's all about Brad Pitt and his flu. I think it would be great if the AP reported that Angelina Jolie also had the flu, and then implied that her and Brad gave it to each other because they were so busy kissing. They could even have diagrams with drawings of Brad and Angelina and little heart shapes surrounding them. That's professional journalism, baby.

Mariah Carey's clothes fall off

According to MTV News, Mariah Carey's dress fell apart during a German TV show and she accidentally flashed her breasts. Floor managers quickly cut the lights so she could put her clothes back on, and Mariah joked, "Someone bring me a jacket or the show's off, we all know how quickly these images can spread around the world." She eventually ran backstage in the dark holding her clothes in place before reappearing and continuing with the show. When asked for comment, Mariah replied, "My abs are real. I didn't draw them on with a crayon."

*Update: I'm not sure if these are actually from the German TV incident - and am even less sure that they're not photoshopped - but they do feature Mariah Carey's huge boobs popping out of her top, so you never know. Thanks to Quixin for the probably unrelated screen capture.

Lindsay Lohan gets felt up by creepy old guy

There's something very disturbing about seeing director Robert Altman feel up Lindsay Lohan's leg during the filming of A Prairie Home Companion. I'm sure it's perfectly innocent, but seeing a 200-year old man in a wheelchair touching Lindsay Lohan like that makes me feel all dirty inside. Which is ironic, because five minutes ago I was masturbating to a picture of a homeless man taking a dump on the sidewalk and I felt pretty great about the whole thing.

Tom Cruise is raising his children crazy

Source - a magazine endorsed by the Church of Scientology - reports that Tom Cruise is raising his two children with Nicole Kidman as Scientologists. Their two adopted kids, 12-year old Isabella and 10-year old Connor, live with Tom for half the year in Beverly Hills where they are allegedly home-schooled by Cruise's Scientologist sisters Cass and Marian. According to the magazine, Isabella has already completed the Basic Study Manual, which is an introductory course in the religion. When asked for comment, Isabella replied, "You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do."

Marc Anthony hates you

The New York Daily News reports that during Jennifer Lopez's Bryant Park fashion show after-party in W Hotels' VIP Illustration Lounge, Marc Anthony scribbled "FUCK YOU" on a piece of paper when asked to make a doodle to be displayed at W properties and later auctioned off for charity. Among the celebs who gladly participated in the doodles were Elisha Cuthbert, John Leguizamo, designer and socialite Charlotte Ronson, and Rocco DiSpirito from the Food Network.

"Everyone was drawing caricatures, doing their little drawings and stuff to be framed," reports a Lowdown spy. "They handed a piece of paper to Marc, for either him or J.Lo to draw on. He wrote 'FUCK YOU,' and passed it back. People were totally taken aback. He was just too cool for school. You hear about him, and then you see him in action, and you just wonder. And now the other art is touring, and they literally have his 'FUCK YOU' in storage."

Instead of actually writing "FUCK YOU", Marc Anthony should have just drawn a picture of a hand giving the middle finger. And then he should have taken a knife and driven it through his own skull because he's such a douche. I know he's a zombie and all, but he really needs to lighten up. My other zombie friends eat brains for breakfast, but even they occasionally throw some change to the homeless. And so what if they eat the homeless guy's brain afterwards? They're zombies - it's what they do.

Christina Aguilera injures arm on fan

Christina Aguilera's right arm is in bandages after she got into a fight at a nightclub with a crazed fan. She's been advised to wear a sling, but decided to wear a black bandage instead at a recent fashion show in Paris, France. A source says, "Christina hurt her arm after a scuffle with a drunk fan at a nightclub. It's nothing serious but her doctor told her she should wear a sling until it heals."

There's something incredibly awesome about Christina Aguilera injuring her arm while beating a fan to death in a night club. I don't know the details of what exactly went down, but I picture Gary Coleman running up to Christina for an autograph and then Christina replying, "No way, bitch," and then just start wailing on him with her fists. I think I could die happy if I knew that Christina Aguilera injured her arm while beating Gary Coleman to death in a club.