Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are poor

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are supposedly struggling to fund their celebrity lifestyle, due to their recent $7 million purchase and renovation of a new Malibu mansion, as well as the fact that neither are currently working. New York Post columnist Cindy Adams reports, "Mrs Federline recently made a quiet call to her record label. The gist of the discussion: We've got to get money in the house. Cash flow is going down. How about we cut another album?"

This would have been funnier if Kevin Federline just hiked up his pants and said, "Look, baby. Let me take care of this." And then proceeded to get a job at Walmart, possibly also working the night shift at the local gas station for those exta bucks. And in case you've ever wondered what a $7 million mansion undergoing rennovation looks like, this should give you a rough idea.

And this is the Malibu estate Britney Spears is renting while her mansion is undergoing the heavy rennovation. I wish my house had a sweet waterslide that fed to the pool. I'd use that thing every day.

Brad Pitt and George Clooney build hotel in Vegas

Page Six is reporting that Brad Pitt and George Clooney just inked a deal with nightclub owner Rande Gerber to build a new Las Vegas hotel and casino.

"George and Brad are not putting in any money, but they will be getting a percentage of the profits," our well-placed insider says. "Brad will design the hotel and be the face of it with George. After 'Ocean's Eleven,' this makes perfect sense and the three of them are very good friends."

Brad's rep confirmed he was doing "some sort of business with [Gerber]" but declined further comment. I guess this just goes to prove my sneaking suspicion that Brad Pitt has begun his conquest of the entire world. I expect his next move will be to create an army of robot Brad Pitts that shoot lasers from their eyes.

Mariah Carey's sister is a hooker

The National Enquirer is reporting that Mariah Carey's sister was arrested last month for prostitution in Suffolk County, New York. The 44-year old, who has been diagnosed HIV-positive, was arrested after agreeing to meet a client on his boat at a Long Island marina because she advertised her services on an Internet call girl site, using the name April.

"I got a call to meet a guy on a boat that was docked in a marina. I went onto the boat and told them I needed to use the bathroom. The man said, 'Don't use that room,' and he tried to stop me from opening the door but when I did I saw a policeman with radio equipment, and that's when they busted me for prostitution. The police have it in for me in Suffolk County."

I don't even understand how it's possible for the sister of one of the world's biggest singers to be a hooker. That would be like Lindsay Lohan one day coming out and announcing that her older brother is Saddam Hussein.

In other Mariah Carey news, this is the reason that Madonna hates her so much.

Lindsay Lohan's dad is ignorant

Lindsay Lohan's father - who's currently imprisoned in New York State on charges of drunk driving and assaulting his brother-in-law at a family party - is claiming that Lindsay Lohan lost all her weight due to the stress of her parents' breakup.

"People wonder why Lindsay's so thin. It's because of all this garbage between her mother and me. She's beaten up inside. It's ripped our whole family apart."

As much sense as that makes, I can't help but feel that her out of control cocaine addiction has something to do with the weight loss as well. All my supermodel friends do cocaine and they're always going on and on about all the weight they've lost because of it. Then sometimes they'll go on a little too long and I have to smack them across the face. You're pretty hot, Dominique, but sometimes you need to learn to shut up.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are in Ethiopia

According to The Associated Press, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and Maddox arrived in Ethiopia yesterday to pick up the orphaned 5-month old baby girl Angelina is adopting.

It's interesting that Brad Pitt would fly all the way to Ethiopia with Angelina Jolie to adopt a child if he's not in a relationship with her though. I'm not saying he is, I'm just saying it's interesting. You know what else is interesting? The migration patterns of the South American Specklebee. Man, those suckers can fly.

Actually I lied. That's not interesting at all. And neither are you, so go away. But, uh, give me some candy first if you have any.

Britney Spears may or may not be expecting twins

The New York Daily News is reporting that Britney Spears is expecting twins, though they were unable to confirm the report with Britney's spokeswoman, Leslie Sloane Zelnick. "If she's having twins, I have not been told that yet. Let me make some calls," Zelnick told the paper.

I don't know why this matters, but I figure any updates on Britney's pregnancy should be the number one thing that everybody in the world should focus on. London scoring the 2012 Olympics? Who cares. It's all about Britney's uterus, man. And at the rate she's at, we'll probably hear some news of her child (or children) being born prematurely or dead. I wouldn't wish it on her or anybody else, but with the amount of second hand smoke she's breathing in from Kevin Federline, I wouldn't rule it out. Seriously though, these idiots have to stop smoking around pregnant women. And they especially have to stop karate kicking them in the stomach. Everybody knows you karate kick a pregnant woman in the face. Always the face.