Tom Cruise is happy. And easily tricked.

Jennifer Lopez is engaged

According to In Touch Weekly Marc Anthony formally proposed to Jennifer Lopez for their first wedding anniversary and bought her an 8.5 carat engagement ring estimated to cost about $1 million. Yes that's right, a year after being married Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are now engaged. Oh, the madness.

“It sounds a little odd, but Marc and Jennifer were never really engaged — they just got married. So, to mark their first anniversary, Marc officially proposed, this time presenting Jennifer with an engagement ring from exclusive jeweler-to-the-stars Neil Lane.”

I guess when you've been married as many times as Jennifer, you like to mix it up a bit just to keep things exciting. Like getting married before the proprosal or taking a crap on your fiance. Personally, I prefer not to take a crap on the people I love. But that's just me. I'm weird like that.

Thanks to Mina for the tip.

VIDEO: Paris Hilton flashes on European TV

What in the name of Shamu's butthole is wrong with Paris Hilton? I realize she officially crossed over into living pornography way back when, but I didn't know just how literal that description was. Is it possible for this woman to be in front of a camera and not be naked? I don't know the full story behind this video clip, but it features Paris Hilton exposing her breasts for no apparent reason other than that she's insane. And maybe high. Fortunately for her, the clip aired over in Europe where being naked and high is a way of life. Speaking of which, how come I don't live in Europe? Must be because my penis is too big.

NSFW video clip after the jump.

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Tyson Beckford cuts face in car crash

Supermodel Tyson Beckford was sent to Jersey City Medical Center at 5am yesterday after getting cuts and bruises on his face from a mysterious car crash. I say "mysterious" only because the freaking article says mysterious, like there were ghosts at work or something. Which I hear there were. Ghosts. At work. Wait, did somebody say ghosts? I'm scared!

An inside source said, "He looked pretty badly beaten to me, but he was laughing about it. He didn't seem bothered about his face. He was more concerned about what had happened to his car."

Sadly, his car happens to be a 1986 Honda Accord. Okay maybe I made that up, but maybe I didn't. It's not like you know.

Russel Crowe throws telephones at people

Russel Crowe was arrested in New York today for throwing a telephone at the concierge at the Mercer Hotel in SoHo. I don't know what the big deal is here. I mean Russel Crowe is a big important movie star and that concierge is just some stupid concierge. Obviously that gives Russel the right to start throwing telephones at his face whenever he feels like it. Heck, he probably should have just stabbed the guy for not properly licking his shoes.

"This arose because he was trying to get his wife on the phone in Australia," his attorney, Gerald Lefcourt, told reporters earlier outside the police precinct where Crowe was booked. "He was in his room. He couldn't get a line and there was a disagreement."

Natalie Glebova is Miss Universe 2005

I meant to post this last week when it was actually relevant and timely, but I was too busy getting distracted by insanely hot pictures of Jessica Simpson in a bikini and Jessica Alba in a see through dress. And by distracted I mean masturbating. And by masturbating I mean masturbating furiously.

Anyways, Natalie Glebova of Canada was crowned Miss Universe 2005 last Tuesday. I didn't catch the show myself, but based purely on pictures I think Miss Puerto Rico would have been a better choice. For all I know she gave a speech supporting nuclear war and the eating of kittens, but considering how foxy she looks I really don't care. Not that Miss Canada isn't foxy herself, because she's also pretty damn foxy, but Miss Puerto Rico just seems that much foxier. And maybe, just maybe, if I say "foxy" three more times all the contestants will strip naked and get into a jacuzzi with me. Not that that hasn't already happened, but it'd be neat if it happened again. I'm so lonely...

Pictures of Miss Puerto Rico after the jump.

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