Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in W Magazine

Tyson Beckford cuts face in car crash

Supermodel Tyson Beckford was sent to Jersey City Medical Center at 5am yesterday after getting cuts and bruises on his face from a mysterious car crash. I say "mysterious" only because the freaking article says mysterious, like there were ghosts at work or something. Which I hear there were. Ghosts. At work. Wait, did somebody say ghosts? I'm scared!

An inside source said, "He looked pretty badly beaten to me, but he was laughing about it. He didn't seem bothered about his face. He was more concerned about what had happened to his car."

Sadly, his car happens to be a 1986 Honda Accord. Okay maybe I made that up, but maybe I didn't. It's not like you know.

Russel Crowe throws telephones at people

Russel Crowe was arrested in New York today for throwing a telephone at the concierge at the Mercer Hotel in SoHo. I don't know what the big deal is here. I mean Russel Crowe is a big important movie star and that concierge is just some stupid concierge. Obviously that gives Russel the right to start throwing telephones at his face whenever he feels like it. Heck, he probably should have just stabbed the guy for not properly licking his shoes.

"This arose because he was trying to get his wife on the phone in Australia," his attorney, Gerald Lefcourt, told reporters earlier outside the police precinct where Crowe was booked. "He was in his room. He couldn't get a line and there was a disagreement."

Natalie Glebova is Miss Universe 2005

I meant to post this last week when it was actually relevant and timely, but I was too busy getting distracted by insanely hot pictures of Jessica Simpson in a bikini and Jessica Alba in a see through dress. And by distracted I mean masturbating. And by masturbating I mean masturbating furiously.

Anyways, Natalie Glebova of Canada was crowned Miss Universe 2005 last Tuesday. I didn't catch the show myself, but based purely on pictures I think Miss Puerto Rico would have been a better choice. For all I know she gave a speech supporting nuclear war and the eating of kittens, but considering how foxy she looks I really don't care. Not that Miss Canada isn't foxy herself, because she's also pretty damn foxy, but Miss Puerto Rico just seems that much foxier. And maybe, just maybe, if I say "foxy" three more times all the contestants will strip naked and get into a jacuzzi with me. Not that that hasn't already happened, but it'd be neat if it happened again. I'm so lonely...

Pictures of Miss Puerto Rico after the jump.

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Jack White and Karen Elson get married

Jack White secretly married Karen Elson yesterday in Brazil after a five week romance with the model. A lot of people are speculating this is all some lame publicity stunt, but I'm a firm believer that you can find love in only five weeks. Wait, did I say "love"? I meant sex. Anal sex. With prostitutes.

From Thailand.

Christian Slater picks disgusting victim

The unnamed 52-year-old victim who was allegedly grabbed by Christian Slater says she is pursuing legal action against him because he angrily ordered her not to press charges instead of apologizing. The most shocking thing about this whole story is that the woman's ass that Christian Slater grabbed was 52-years old. My God, man. What jury in the world is ever going to believe that anybody would want to grab a 52-year old's ass, let alone Christian Slater. Seriously, that's gross. Anyways, Christian is due to appear in court again on June 14 when his parade of strippers will most likely tell the world that nobody likes touching 52-year olds. Which is true.