VIDEO: Paris Hilton flashes on European TV

What in the name of Shamu's butthole is wrong with Paris Hilton? I realize she officially crossed over into living pornography way back when, but I didn't know just how literal that description was. Is it possible for this woman to be in front of a camera and not be naked? I don't know the full story behind this video clip, but it features Paris Hilton exposing her breasts for no apparent reason other than that she's insane. And maybe high. Fortunately for her, the clip aired over in Europe where being naked and high is a way of life. Speaking of which, how come I don't live in Europe? Must be because my penis is too big.

NSFW video clip after the jump.

*Update: A reader writes in: It is a caption from the german tv magazine exclusiv or explosiv aired on the rtl-channel. They tell nothing more, than her flashing happened on a photoshooting in paris, where miss hilton was whilst promoting her new perfume. the photographer/video director was encouraging the male models to touch her, but as they seemed to be shy, paris flashed her breasts. the comment goes like that "now paris will have to explain these pictures to her fiance paris latsis and her parent, who are so proud of her being a successfull business woman."

Tyson Beckford cuts face in car crash

Supermodel Tyson Beckford was sent to Jersey City Medical Center at 5am yesterday after getting cuts and bruises on his face from a mysterious car crash. I say "mysterious" only because the freaking article says mysterious, like there were ghosts at work or something. Which I hear there were. Ghosts. At work. Wait, did somebody say ghosts? I'm scared!

An inside source said, "He looked pretty badly beaten to me, but he was laughing about it. He didn't seem bothered about his face. He was more concerned about what had happened to his car."

Sadly, his car happens to be a 1986 Honda Accord. Okay maybe I made that up, but maybe I didn't. It's not like you know.

Russel Crowe throws telephones at people

Russel Crowe was arrested in New York today for throwing a telephone at the concierge at the Mercer Hotel in SoHo. I don't know what the big deal is here. I mean Russel Crowe is a big important movie star and that concierge is just some stupid concierge. Obviously that gives Russel the right to start throwing telephones at his face whenever he feels like it. Heck, he probably should have just stabbed the guy for not properly licking his shoes.

"This arose because he was trying to get his wife on the phone in Australia," his attorney, Gerald Lefcourt, told reporters earlier outside the police precinct where Crowe was booked. "He was in his room. He couldn't get a line and there was a disagreement."

Natalie Glebova is Miss Universe 2005

I meant to post this last week when it was actually relevant and timely, but I was too busy getting distracted by insanely hot pictures of Jessica Simpson in a bikini and Jessica Alba in a see through dress. And by distracted I mean masturbating. And by masturbating I mean masturbating furiously.

Anyways, Natalie Glebova of Canada was crowned Miss Universe 2005 last Tuesday. I didn't catch the show myself, but based purely on pictures I think Miss Puerto Rico would have been a better choice. For all I know she gave a speech supporting nuclear war and the eating of kittens, but considering how foxy she looks I really don't care. Not that Miss Canada isn't foxy herself, because she's also pretty damn foxy, but Miss Puerto Rico just seems that much foxier. And maybe, just maybe, if I say "foxy" three more times all the contestants will strip naked and get into a jacuzzi with me. Not that that hasn't already happened, but it'd be neat if it happened again. I'm so lonely...

Pictures of Miss Puerto Rico after the jump.

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Jessica Alba has awesome taste

Hot girls make me so happy. So you can imagine the unbridled joy and near painful hard-on these picture of Jessica Alba in a see-thru dress taken Saturday at the MTV Movie Awards gives me. This dress is actually fairly dopey looking, unless you're turned on by Robin Hood, (and I heard you were. Perv) but the fact that it’s the sheerest fabric ever developed by the world's greatest fabric making people gets it a gold medal in whatever category that might be.

In non-masturbating news, I feel compelled to mention the pain it causes me that Dustin Hoffman won the MTV award for ‘Best Comedic Performance’. Dustin Hoffman is a lot of things (most of them weird) but funny isn’t one of them. Unless your idea of funny is something awkward and tragic like a birthday party pony collapsing and dying because the fat kid got on. Oh, uhh, never mind. I hadn’t pictured that until just now.

More pictures after the jump.

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The Superficial Interview: April Scott

Even though this interview with model and actress April Scott is pretty damn long, keep in mind as you read it that I edited out all the parts where I fawned over her or terrified her by being inappropriately personal or just generally made a brain-dead ass out of myself. Unfortunately that took the interview from 47 pages long to “hi”, so I put some of that stuff back in and the result is what many scientists are calling the greatest interview ever. But it’s that way only because of April, who would be obsession-worthy even if she weren’t so devastatingly beautiful.

Raised on a farm in southeastern Missouri, April moved to Los Angeles shortly after graduating from Christian College in Branson, where she was awarded a bachelors degree in theater and graduated as valedictorian with a 4.083 grade point average. Quite frankly, I could have done without that. It’s charming as hell that April is so damn smart and genuinely sweet, but it wrecked the original idea which was to just ask her if she would have sex with me over and over and over until she caved, or at least ask wildly offensive and inappropriate stuff like “I heard your gynecologist sent you a dozen roses one time. Is that true?” But it quickly became obvious that April wasn’t going to put up with any of that crap. So instead we talked about make-up tricks, dogs, supernatural powers and alligator wrestling, but mostly about her meteoric success as a model and actress. She’s landed choice roles on The Shield and CSI: Miami, and hosting gigs for shows on TBS and ESPN2. But you don’t look like April looks without getting modeling work, and she’s done a lot, for Glamour, Maxim, and Shape, as well as Bud Light and endless catalogs and calendars.

So here you go, more pictures of April and the two of us spreading our message of love in the very first Superficial Interview. All after the jump.

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