Jennifer Aniston writes email

Chris Shelton arrested

Apprentice contestant Chris Shelton was arrested on a disorderly conduct charge at a competitor's casino during a break in taping of The Apprentice. The article states that he's a real estate millionaire so I don't really understand what he's doing on the show in the first place though. Why are millionaires choosing to go on a show where the prize is a low six-figure salary to work for a doofus like Donald Trump? That's like trading in a Ferrari for a Segway. Speaking of which, how come I don't have a Ferrari? It makes me cry at nights.

Shannen Elizabeth finds new boyfriend

Just a month after announcing her divorce from her actor hubby Joe Reitman, Shannen Elizabeth has a new man on her arm. The "American Pie" cutie was spotted canoodling in the VIP suite at Sunday's Wrestle Mania XXI at the Staples Center in L.A. with Blake Mitchell.

That's all fine and dandy, but what's up with her fingernails? Either keep them short or keep them long. None of this mix and match crap we've got going on here. I guess Shannen has to at least keep her pinky nail long though, to reach all that deep-rooted ear wax she has going on. And maybe I made that up, but maybe I didn't. It's a chance you'll just have to take.

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline get reality show

Britney Spears and hubby Kevin Federline have said "I do" to star in a UPN reality series that documents their courtship, engagement and wedding.

Why couldn't the incompetent program managers at UPN have picked this up while Britney Spears was still hot? Maybe it's just me, but I don't like watching shows with pregnant hillbillies in them. Unless they're naked and fondling farm animals. Now that I can get into.

*Update: Mentioned on the official Britney Spears site as well.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen sell apartment

Twin millionaires Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are selling their $7.3 million Manhattan apartment without having ever lived in it.

Wait wait wait, Mary-Kate and Ashley weren't even living in the $7 million penthouse that I was making fun of them for having? Then where the crap have these two little stick figures been living? On the streets? With hobos? Because if that's the case, I take back all the mean things I've ever said about these girls. Celebrities who can rough it on the streets with the homeless are okay in my book. I mean, as long as they don't start asking me for money and stuff. That's just awkward.

Ashton Kutcher pulls prank

Ashton Kutcher recently Punk'd Alias star Micahel Vartan, but Michael was so pissed about it that he wouldn't sign the release. The prank revolved around Michael getting on a private plane only to find out it was falling apart. A source says he threw a fit to get off, but the pilot and the flight attendants wouldn't let him. Yeah, that's a pretty lame prank. If I were in charge of the show, I would have a midget steal the celebrity's underwear and then once the celebrity started chasing after him I would have the midget shoot him in the belly. And then laugh. That would be a great prank. Funny too.