Jennifer Lopez has disgusting problems

Britney Spears finds summer job

Britney Spears reportedly wants to spend the summer working as a waitress at her dad Jamie's fast-food restaurant. She supposedly spent a day in the kitchen recently, learning how to make the chili and smoothies. A source says she wants to work there twice a week during the summer and wanted to design her own waitress uniform. In fact, they say Britney seemed more excited about what she was going to wear than learning about making the smoothies. Although I don't see why anybody in their right mind wouldn't be excited about making chili and smoothies. That stuff is uh...exciting.

Lindsay Lohan's grandmother sucks

The "New York Post" reports that Lindsay Lohan's grandmother, Marilyn, is trying to cash in on her famous granddaughter. "Michael isn't making any money in jail so his mother is now selling video and photos of Lindsay as a child," said a source. "It's disgusting." A rep for Lindsay confirms the story, saying, "Lindsay's grandmother has been nothing but unsupportive of Dina (Lohan's mother) and the children and [is] doing her son's dirty work." As annoying as she is, I just can't help but feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan. When your dad and your grandmother are huge lameasses, I guess the only option you have in life is to become a huge whore.

Britney Spears is three months pregnant

Is Britney Spears officially pregnant? The answer is maybe. According to Star, she should have been officially pregnant over the weekend but I didn't hear any big announcements or anything so I'm assuming Star is just up to their wild and crazy hijinks again. And by hijinks, I mean they do more speculation than I do. And considering my source is a talking raccoon that meets me out back every Tuesday night, I'd say that means they're pretty damn unreliable. Not that anybody even cares about Britney Spears anymore or her new gigantic boobs.

Pat O'Brien is so screwed

If I was Pat O'Brien, I'd seriously consider moving to Mexico or Japan or a cave in the mountains. After revelations of a voice mail conversation in which he asks a woman for a threesome and drugs, there seems to be a matter of an embarrassing photograph that could surface. Word has it that the woman named Betsy, whom O’Brien referred to in his phone call, has an ex-husband who supposedly has a photo of O’Brien having sex, not in a threesome, not in a twosome, but in a one-some. The ex-husband doesn’t need the money, but considering his ex left him for O’Brien, he may leak the photo just to get even. And if that wasn't bad enough, sources say O'Brien was reprimanded several times for sexual harassment during his days at "Access Hollywood." Reports are that O'Brien actually licked co-host Nancy O'Dell's face and grabbed reporter Shaun Robinson's butt at an "Access Hollywood" Christmas party. He also allegedly made lewd comments to a gay male producer. His people won’t confirm or deny the rumors and O’Brien is unable comment since he's in rehab, but I always like to believe that every rumor I hear is true. Especially if it involves pictures of a weird moustached old man masturbating.

Download Pat O'Brien's Dirty Voicemail [nsfw]

Ryan Seacrest starts fashion line

If you've ever wanted to dress like Ryan Seacrest, kill yourself now's your chance. Apparently Ryan designs some of his own clothing and is starting a new high-end fashion line. The details are being kept under wraps, but the first items will be out in a couple of months. Now I'm not one to judge, but I think it's safe to say that anybody who buys any piece of Ryan Seacrest clothing deserves to be stabbed to death. And then maybe peed on.