Sarah Jessica Parker is a bitch

Christina Aguilera loses clothing line

Christina Aguilera's been axed from a fashion label after slating celebs who push their own clothing ranges. The singer was due to launch her own line with company Basic Box, but her multi-million contract was terminated after she called celebrity lines "tacky".

Probably for the best, considering Christina Aguilera's strange taste in everything. Her clothing line would've probably been something along the lines of an eye patch and pirate hat. With a talking parrot. And treasure. Argggh! I'm a pirate!

And for no good reason, here's a gallery of Christina Aguilera looking terrible with black hair. Unfortunately for her, only Black people and Asians can pull off having black hair. White people just end up looking like goths which, unless you're an idiot, is a bad thing.

Ashton Kutcher still not pregnant

The Star is sticking to their story that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are expecting a baby despite Ashton's denial. They say Moore is eight weeks along and due in October and that she got the word on March 4 at the Women's Care of Beverly Hills clinic and immediately quit smoking. Demi's people say it's not true, but those are some pretty damn specific details for something that's not true. And because people didn't respond well to Brad Pitt in a dress, here's a picture of Ashton Kutcher's hairy nipple from Complex magazine. Sometimes I orgasm just thinking about all the hair on that nipple. Wait, did I say that out loud? Crap.

Britanny Murphy not on cocaine

Brittany Murphy says she has never snorted cocaine before and that it isn't the reason she's gotten so skinny. She insists, "I have never tried it in my entire life. I've never seen it. I am also way too high-strung. I can't even take a Sudafed. Can you imagine? My God, I think my heart would explode!" Have you ever seen this girl in real life? I think she's serious about the heart exploding thing. She's like a really hyper version of that Taco Bell dog that everybody hates. Anyways, after her breakup with Ashton Kutcher and broken engagement to an industry big-wig, she says she's now dating a normal guy from Brooklyn which she met when he was hired to hang Christmas lights at her house. Although I'm not sure when hanging Christmas lights turned into a profession. That's a job I think I could see myself doing. Ya know, if I was an idiot.

Britney Spears says no to baby

Britney Spears has reportedly abandoned plans to have a baby right now because she's terrified the weight gain will ruin her sexy image. I guess nobody has told her that being a fat cow, looking like a hobo, and being seen with acne cream all over your face aren't exactly the sexiest things in the world either. In fact, the only way Britney Spears could get any less sexy would be if she turned into a bald man. And even then, it still might be a step up.

Victoria's Secret Airport Commercial

I've never seen this Victoria's Secret commercial before so it's either really new or really old. Not that it matters, because supermodels taking off their clothes is pretty much timeless. And by timeless, I mean it's the greatest idea that humans have ever come up with. Even better than toilet paper. Video courtsey of Hedonistica.

Watch Victoria's Secret Airport Commercial (lsfw)