Olivia Wilde has dumb hair

Gwen Stefani

Why do photographers always feel the need to be artsy and make perfectly nice looking women look like crap? Sure they dolled up Gwen Stefani all nice like, but they made the Asian Munchkins look like scary clown whores. It's also a nice touch that they put Gwen on humongous platforms to make the Asian women seem even smaller than they already are. There's really nothing quite as sexy as an Asian midget clown whore. Except for me. But I'm the living definition of sexy, so that's not really fair to the Asian midget clown whores.

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Lindsay Lohan Lip Syncs

In the most unsurprising story of the year, Linsdsay Lohan is a
lip syncing maniac. Although she doesn't jig quite as well as Ashlee Simpson, I think I prefer her insane flopping around. Something about the way she stomps in place and mouths her lyrics completely out of sync that really shows her range as a performer. I'm not sure where this video is from but judging by the crowd of 12-year old girls, I probably don't care.

Watch Lindsay Lohan Lip Syncing Video (wmv)

Site News

You may have noticed the site loading like a lump of peanut butter over the past 36 hours or so. At first I thought it was due to some sort of traffic surge, but after checking the stats there wasn't anything that could justify such a problem. Turns out the server was under a DoS attack which was doing all sorts of bad things. Anyways our host has dealt with the problem (hopefully for good) so everything should be sextastic now.

Jennifer Lopez Makes Clothes

Jennifer Lopez took the final bow at New York Fashion Week after debuting a collection that hit on some of the trends to look for next fall metallics, embellishment, high waists and loose shapes.

High waists and loose shapes? Looks like somebody is starting to accept their fat ass and has figured out that their best bet is to just cover it up. Or maybe fashion really is heading towards high waists and loose shapes, in which case we're all screwed. Hasn't society learned anything from the 80's? Namely that ugly looking crap looks ugly.

Jack Osbourne Wants To Be Fireman

Reality TV star Jack Osbourne is giving up showbiz to become a firefighter in New York. "I'm enrolling on a firefighting course this summer in New York. I'm serious. It's something I've always thought about but now is definitely the time to do it."

Don't you have to be in pretty good shape to be a firefighter? Or at least not have the body of a giant walking potato? I think if Jack Osbourne showed up to fight my fire I'd start laughing. And then I'd kick him in the nuts for having terrible hair.