Jennifer Garner To Pursue Other Goals

"I want a graduate degree, I want to be a business woman, an investment banker, a writer, a pianist. I really wish I could cook. I've never had specific goals in life. I don't say, 'I'd like my next step to be this', and then write it down and go after it. Actually, I don't write anything down. I just think things to myself and they actually start to happen. So watch out."

--Jennifer Garner on her career

Paris Hilton Free

Paris Hilton will not face any charges after allegedly stealing a copy of her sex video from a newsstand. Mind bogglingly, the Los Angeles County district attorney's office dropped the case due to lack of evidence, despite a damn security tape showing Paris stealing the DVD and ripping up a poster advertising it. She originally faced charges of petty theft and vandalism. News-stand employee Jerry Castro said at the time, "She threw her eighty cents change at me and took the video and said, 'I'm taking this and I'm not buying it.'" Really rekindles your faith in the whole justice system doesn't it?

Madonna Supports Kabbalah Juice

Madonna is taking her devotion to Kabbalah to the next level and is considering becoming the new face of their energy drink. She has decided to test the drink on herself before deciding whether to agree to the deal. The beverage will be launched in California before being sold worldwide. Kabbalah spokesman Darin Ezra told The Sun, "We are going after the Red Bull market but Kabbalah Energy Drink tastes better. It is infused with Kabbalah water, which is holy water." Kabbalah water, eh? Sounds...legitimate.

Usher Wants To Brand

Usher wants everything that he wears to be branded with his own name. The singer is currently working on producing a new line of watches with a designer, but wants to take things a step further. "I am making my own range of watches," he is quoted by Breakingnews.ie as saying. "I want to brand everything that I do - a shirt that I wear, a pair of pants, the way I wear a combination of clothes. But I also want more number ones!" And I want you to die. The man wants to brand the way he wears combinations of clothes. If ever there was a justification to kick somebody in their nuts, I think that's it.

Ben Affleck To Propose On Valentines

Ben Affleck has reportedly bought an engagement ring for Jennifer Garner and the rumor is that he's going to propose to her on Valentine's Day. A friend of his told People magazine that the two of them are like high school sweethearts and that it's his understanding that he's going to give her a ring. Kind of reminds me of the time I proposed on Valentine's Day, only instead of proposing, it was more like having sex with tons of supermodels.

Britney Spears Balcony Fake

Remember that oh so stupid picture of Britney Spears' nipple on the balcony? Well turns out it's not a wart and it's not her thumb and it's not anything else that might resemble a nipple. Instead, it's just your everyday piece of Photoshopped action. Here's the original picture, and you'll notice the Photoshoppers even altered the hair to make it look more believable in the series. Oh those crazy Photoshoppers. When will they learn that the only fakes I'm interested in are the ones that put penises on celebrities' noses? (nsfw?)