Farked

If you're experiencing issues with the site it's because we've been Farked and the server is getting hammered. So much so that I can barely access it long enough to make any updates. Which uh, should explain the lack of updates today. And if it doesnt, it's because I was busy entertaining the twelve prostitutes I shipped in from Thailand.

Britney Spears Nude On Balcony

I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation as to why Britney Spears is walking around topless on her balcony, but I can't really come up with anything. Judging by the dishelveled hair, she probably just finished having sex with whoever she has sex with which, according to my calculations, if half the popoulation of Alabama. Anyways, all anybody really cares about is that the last picture has an apparent nipple in it. I say 'apparent' because it looks more like a giant wart than anything else. A giant nipple-shaped wart. Images after the jump.

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Nicole Kidman Relationship Problems

According to a British newspaper, Nicole Kidman's relationship with film producer boyfriend Stephen Bing may be on the rocks. The two have been dating since October, but a source was quoted in Britain's Mirror newspaper as saying: "She's looking for a husband and [she] doesn't believe he's the marrying kind." Is this the kind of gossip paparazzi is trying to get by planting illegal bugs? Because if it is, I really don't think it's worth it. What would be more interesting would be a story of Nicole Kidman urinating on people in private. Or public, whatever.

Lindsay Lohan Drinks

While filming her still-untitled movie in New Orleans, 18-year old Lindsay Lohan hit the rowdy college bar The Boot around 2 a.m. one night, and eyewitnesses say she drank so much she was dancing on tables. "I saw her do two rounds of shots with her friends," one witness told Star People. A bar employee also said, "She was dancing, drinking, having a good time." However, Lohan's rep insists she stuck to soft drinks, which is, uh, still illegal. I think it'd be funny if one day Lindsay Lohan was arrested for underaged drinking. I also think it'd be funny if one day her breast implants exploded.

Lara Flynn Boyle Strips

Passengers on a recent British Airways flight to London say Lara Flynn Boyle started popping pills and behaving strangely halfway through the flight. She ended up stripping off her clothes, climbing into the bed of a sleeping stranger, and trying to seduce him. While British Airways confirms the story, Lara's publicist says, "It genuinely is completely inconsistent with her character and behavior." Well so is me farting in public, but every once in awhile I just have to let one off. Uh, I mean just kidding. I never fart!

Beyonce To Release Fashion Line

Beyonce has signed an agreement with Tarrant Apparel Group to release her own fashion line. The clothing line will be called House of Dereon, after her grandmother Agnes Dereon, and the first fashions will be in stores for the 2005 holiday season. As long as she stays away from accessories, I think we'll be okay.