Ashlee Simpson Sad

While publicly Ashlee Simpson is dismissing criticism of her recent live performances, privately it’s said to be getting to her. After being caught lip-synching on Saturday Night Live and getting booed at the Orange Bowl, Ashlee has been crying on the shoulder of big sister Jessica Simpson, who’s worried that Ashlee will crack under the pressure. As soon as Ashlee got off the Orange Bowl stage, she reportedly called Jessica in tears, asking what she was doing wrong. Hmm, how about sucking? I find that sucking is usually the leading cause of being booed and hated. It also causes gingivitis so watch out.

Richard Hatch Tax Evasion

The original Survivor winner Richard Hatch has been charged with failing to report his $1 million reality TV winnings on his 2000 tax return. Hatch is also charged with filling a false return for 2001 when he allegedly did not report $321,000 paid to him by a Boston radio station. Hatch is looking at a possible five years in prison for each count and could be hit with a $250,000 fine. Trying to hide $1 million that was given to you publicly in front of the entire American population just doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Or maybe it is, I don't know.

Richard Hatch Hit With Tax Evasion Rap [The Smoking Gun]

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston Do Battle

Apparently Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston never bothered to get a prenup before getting married which means they could be headed for a nasty showdown over their assets, which include a $15.2 million mansion, a $5. 7 million yacht, a ranch, and a film company. A British tabloid reports that lawyers are already advising them individually and that a major battle could be brewing. So let this be a lesson to all: always sign a prenup. Unless you're Melania Knauss, in which case just flash your breasts around, steal half of Donald Trump's empire, and then marry me. And then leave, whatever. As long as I get my $1.8 billion I'm happy.

That 70's Show Returns

Although Topher Grace and Ashton Kutcher are moving on, FOX is continuing with an eighth season of That 70's Show. The president of FOX entertainment admits ratings have been "down this season a little bit." But, she says "the show still has life in it." And that, my friends, is why the president of FOX entertainment needs to get her ass fired. Airing a show until you've squeezed all the life out of it is the business practice of a woman that has no idea what she's doing. And anybody that would approve another season of American Idol needs to reexamine whether or not they should be living.

Kevin Federline Racially Confused

Reader Suzie writes in "Kevin [Federline] got tired of having a hairstyle that required shampooing so now he sports corn rows. Not only is it low maintenance, it'll definitely fool people into thinking he's black which will help him launch his new rap career." Speaking of which, why hasn't an actual black person murdered Kevin Federline yet?

*Edit: Link removed due to an overwhelming abundance of spyware/adware.

Angelina Jolie Denies

Angelina Jolie continues to refute claims that she broke up Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, saying she was merely a "shoulder to cry on" for Brad on the set of their movie "Mr. And Mrs. Smith." Anglina says they became close while filming the movie but that she never had an affair with him. However, she did reveal that Brad was crying on her shoulder because he was bummed that Jennifer Aniston was reluctant to start a family. And in case you're wondering, "crying on her shoulder" is celebrity code for "having anal sex and snorting coke."