Angelina Jolie Denies

Angelina Jolie continues to refute claims that she broke up Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, saying she was merely a "shoulder to cry on" for Brad on the set of their movie "Mr. And Mrs. Smith." Anglina says they became close while filming the movie but that she never had an affair with him. However, she did reveal that Brad was crying on her shoulder because he was bummed that Jennifer Aniston was reluctant to start a family. And in case you're wondering, "crying on her shoulder" is celebrity code for "having anal sex and snorting coke."

50 Cent Hires Guards

50 Cent is so terrified of being murdered by his enemies that he's hired 100 bodyguards to protect him at all times. 50 reportedly even wears a bulletproof vest in bed and he won't leave his home unless he's surrounded by his entourage. Apparently he's afraid of a repeat of an incident five years ago when a gunman shot him nine times. And I guess being shot nine times is as good an excuse as any to be out-of-your-mind paranoid.

Tobey Maguire Too Fat

Tobey Maguire was supposed to introduce the clip of "The Aviator" at the Golden Globes Sunday night but dropped out at the very last minute because he's supposedly overweight right now and his handlers didn't want him out in public until he lost the fat. Producers scrambled and got Orlando Bloom at the last minute. Hehe. Tobey Maguire is too fat to go out in public. That's funny.

New DVD's This Week

1. Catwoman -- It's kind of amazing that a movie can feature Halle Berry in skin tight leather and still suck so hard. It's even more amazing that I actually watched this piece of crap. To be fair though, I saw it on a plane.

2. Cellular -- It's about time somebody made a movie about cell phones.

3. The Forgotten -- This was good up until the last 20 minutes.

4. Friday Night Lights -- They need to stop making highschool football movies. Yes I get it, very moving, very inspirational. I don't care.

Eva Longoria Wants Teenage Sex

Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria admits that the idea of sleeping with a younger man turns her on. The 29-year old said, "I wouldn't mind bedding down with a teenager. Men reach their sexual peak at 19, so I'm all for it." And I'm pretty damn sure the 19-year old would be "all for it" too. In fact, most 19-year olds are pretty much "all for it" when it comes to having sex with anything, be it the vacuum cleaner or neighbor's pet dog or even a damn cactus. And in a somewhat related story, earlier this month Longoria dented boyfriend JC Chasez's confidence when she told Rolling Stone magazine that her best sex of the past year came courtesy of her vibrator. Sucks to be JC.

Pamela Anderson Kicks Self

Did anybody know that Pamela Anderson was originally approached to play Teri Hatcher's role on Desperate Housewives before Teri Hatcher was approached? Because I had no idea, and it doesn't really make any sense to me. It's not that Teri Hatcher is the greatest actress in the world, but Pamela Anderson has the acting skill of a brick. A really untalented brick. The only thing she's good for is showing off her breasts, and it's my understanding that Desperate Housewives has slightly more substance than that. Slightly.

*Update: Reader Michael writes in "That article about Pamela Anderson and Desperate Housewives is total bullshit. I know someone who works on the show and I checked it with him because knowing some of the people involved in that show and their tastes, that sounded fishy to me. Pamela was never in the ballpark for that role and Teri Hatcher auditioned and they thought she was great then, she was not offered the role right off the bat."