JoJo Quits School

14-year old pop star JoJo has been forced to quit school because her classmates turned on her and started being mean to her once she became famous. JoJo says that her parents are now home-schooling her, which means it's safe to say that her IQ will never break into the double digits. Stupid people are funny. And so are people named JoJo. And by "funny" I mean a complete waste of space.

Lindsay Lohan Rolling Stone Photoshoot

Remember back in the day when Lindsay Lohan didn't have a singing career and wasn't completely annoying? I miss those days. It's hard to imagine that we watched this cute little child actress turn into the skankwhore mess we see today. It's even harder to imagine that a singer has emerged that's worse than Ashlee Simpson. That's downright ridiculous, man.

The Bachelorette 3 Twist

TVgasm reports that one of the suitors on The Bachelorette 3 might actually be gay. Now if only there was somebody to watch or care about the damn show, because I sure as crap don't. Unless there are naked people on the show, in which case I completely change my mind.

i have no idea whether you watch the bachelorette, but one of the new suitors (fabrice) is gay, and an actor - i went on a few dates with him about 6 months ago. plus now he has a boyfriend. so is that supposed to be the twist this season or something? or are these just standard reality-show lies? because he's certifiably light in the loafers, this guy. we went on several dates and he was great but we just didn't have chemistry. silly reality shows.

Kirstie Alley Fudgesicle Pleasure

The Star reports that an upcoming episode of Kirstie Alley's Fat Actress will involve a sex scene with a Fudgesicle and Mark Curry. Apparently, Kirstie will put on oversized lingerie and then moan with pleasure as she devours a Fudgesicle, while Mark Curry spanks her and calls her "bootylicious." As pleasant as that sounds, I think I'll just stick to watching Desperate Housewives. Throwing up while watching TV just isn't one of my favorite things to do.

Britney Spears Outsells Paris

Britney Spears' perfume, Curious, has outsold Paris Hilton's fragrance, Paris, by a wide margin. Insiders say that Paris is extremely upset at the poor sales, but that's to be expected since Paris Hilton is a whiny little mantis girl and nobody has ever heard of her perfume ever. Plus she stars in weird videos featuring herself in underwear spinning around for no apparent reason. Unless you consider turning into a bunny some sort of reason. Which it isn't. And I have no idea what that has to do with selling perfume, but I figured it was somehow related.

Watch Paris Hilton Underwear Spin

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Phone Sex

Here's some lengthy speculation regarding Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's seperation. I know you're probably as lazy as I am and don't want to read through the entire thing, so I'll help you out and summarize that Jennifer Aniston supposedly caught Brad Pitt having phone sex with Angelina Jolie. To be fair though, resisting actual sex with Angelina Jolie was probably very difficult for Brad, so he deserves some credit.

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