Britney Spears Outsells Paris

Britney Spears' perfume, Curious, has outsold Paris Hilton's fragrance, Paris, by a wide margin. Insiders say that Paris is extremely upset at the poor sales, but that's to be expected since Paris Hilton is a whiny little mantis girl and nobody has ever heard of her perfume ever. Plus she stars in weird videos featuring herself in underwear spinning around for no apparent reason. Unless you consider turning into a bunny some sort of reason. Which it isn't. And I have no idea what that has to do with selling perfume, but I figured it was somehow related.

Watch Paris Hilton Underwear Spin

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Phone Sex

Here's some lengthy speculation regarding Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's seperation. I know you're probably as lazy as I am and don't want to read through the entire thing, so I'll help you out and summarize that Jennifer Aniston supposedly caught Brad Pitt having phone sex with Angelina Jolie. To be fair though, resisting actual sex with Angelina Jolie was probably very difficult for Brad, so he deserves some credit.

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Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz Engaged

People magazine reports that although Cameron Diaz was seen wearing a sparkling diamond on her ring finger, a rep for the actress denies rumors that she's engaged to Justin Timberlake. The Sun had reported that Timberlake proposed to Diaz over the holidays. "Justin and Cameron are really happy," a friend told the British tabloid. "They spent a lot of time together over the holidays and they decided the time was right to get engaged. Justin spent a fortune on the ring. Cameron was thrilled with it." Access Hollywood has also confirmed that Justin Timberlake did indeed purchase a diamond ring from jeweler Neil Lane. How about we all just agree that Cameron Diaz looks like a really skinny pig and move on with our lives? Sound good? Sounds great!

Ashlee Simpson Spoof

As if she wasn't a big enough joke as it is, some internet clowns decided to go ahead and make a spoof of The Ashlee Simpson Show. It's definitely funny, though I'm not sure how comfortable I am watching a man pretend to be a woman pretending to give a blowjob to another man. However, since Ashlee Simpson technically really is a man, I guess it's okay. Wait, what? Ashlee Simpson is a man?

Watch Ashlee Simpson Spoof

Petra Nemcova Survives Tsunami

Czech supermodel Petra Nemcova arrived in Prague on Saturay for further treatment after being injured in the Asian tsunami. Nemcova was vacationing in Thailand with her boyfriend, photographer Simon Atlee, when the waves swept through their beach hut. She reportedly clung to a tree for eight hours as the water swirled around her and has been recovering from her injuries, including a broken pelvis, in a Thai hospital. I guess some supermodels are tougher than they appear, which only makes sense considering most supermodels look about as tough as a marshmallow puppy. Yes that's right, I said a marshmallow puppy.

Aaron Carter Car Explodes

Entertainment Tonight reports that pop star Aaron Carter had what he calls a "near death experience" last Thursday morning when the car he was driving caught fire on a Florida highway. Seventeen-year-old Carter, was driving to a photoshoot when a mattress fell off the truck that he was following. He was unable to avoid the mattress so he drove his Cadillac Escalade over it, causing the car to ignite. After pulling over to the side of the road the vehicle exploded, with Carter narrowly escaping with only minor injuries. I'd comment that it's a shame Aaron made it out, but I'm more surprised that Escalades can't seem to make it over mattresses without exploding. Looks like 90% of the hip-hop population have invested in some quality SUV's.