Jessica Alba White Bikini

I would have posted these pictures earlier but I think I passed out for a couple of hours after seeing them. I didn't examine the photos too closely for fear that I would suffer heart failure and die, but I'm fairly certain that there isn't a shred of cellulite on Jessica Alba's butt or thighs. I'm also fairly certain that I shouldn't be left alone in a room with these pictures for fear of what terrible things I might do to myself.

Jessica Simpson Stretches Legs

Jessica Simpson's mom Tina reportedly used to stretch her legs when she was young because she thought they were too short. Jessica says "My mom was so worried that because of my long body and dwarf legs, I would grow up looking strange. So, every night, before I went to bed, she would pull them and stretch them so they would be in proportion with the rest of my body." There's a joke to be made here regarding the size of Jessica Simpson's brain, but I'm too lazy to make it. Instead, I'll just call her stupid and fat. Ahh, being lazy is fun.

Britney Spears Wants To Be Forensic Scientist

Britney Spears is reportedly set to quit pop music - to become a forensic scientist. The sexy star has allegedly told friends she is considering swapping her singing career for student life and enrolling at university to study for a degree after being motivated by [the TV series CSI]. [source]

Please let this be true. Please!

Kevin Federline Bans Britney's Shopping

Kevin Federline has supposedly banned his wife Britney Spears from shopping until she clears out her already full closet to make room for more stuff. A questionable source says "He's told her that he doesn't mind if she dumps them, sells them or gives them away. He's just desperate for her to stop hoarding and buying more." I'm having my doubts about this story though, since I can't imagine Kevin Federline having the balls to put monetary restrictions on his sugar mama.

Eva Longoria Ashamed of Boyfriend

Eva Longoria and JC Chasez have been dating for eight months, but she recently told In Touch magazine that she's officially on the market and said "To be with the same person for the rest of your life just sounds so drab." To be fair though, I don't think any woman under the age of 14 would admit to dating JC Chasez. He was in NSync for crap's sake.

Kirsten Dunst Nipple Slip

I guess it would be impossible for me not to post the Kirsten Dunst nipple slip so here it is. My apologies beforehand, as seeing Kirsten Dunst's nipples is probably pretty low on your list of things to do. I think it's safe to say that she is officially the most disgusting celebrity on the planet. I could get past the whole troll face thing if she at least had an attractive body, but she's got the saggiest most disgusting breasts I've ever seen. And believe you me, I've seen a lot of breasts in my lifetime. Image after the jump. (nsfw)

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