Victoria's Secret 2004 Christmas Ad

If you've never heard any of the Victoria's Secret models speak before, then here's your chance. Their 2004 Christmas ad is a montage of softcore porn scenes supermodels in sexy underwear saying stupid things like "dazzle me" and "delight me." Trust me, I'm sure there are a lot more things guys would rather do to these models than 'dazzle' and 'delight' them. I'd mention a few, but I don't think my mom would approve of such language. That said, this is a brilliant commercial. Sure it uses the most overused Christmas song in the history of media, but it also uses supermodels in lingerie. And if I'm not mistaken, supermodels in lingerie is the very definition of brilliant. Video after the jump. (thanks Karim)

Jessica Simpson Daisy Dukes

So apparently the site has turned into a Jessica Simpson tribute page or something. I'd put up a fight, but when the subject looks as good in short shorts as Jessica does, I just don't really care. I'm still just hoping that the producers of The Dukes of Hazzard have somehow managed to work in a carwash scene or a trampoline scene or a sex with me scene. Especially that last one. That would be swell.

Jessica Simpson Three's Company

Life's pretty good for Nick Lachey isn't it? I especially like how he's resting his hand on Jessica Simpson's ass, making sure she knows who's boss. Even when you make millions of dollars filming crappy TV specials, singing crappy music, and selling crappy makeup, it's nice to know that you'll always be somebody's ho. Somebody's really hot ho who occasionally dresses like Chrissy from Three's Company that is.

*UPDATE: A number of peple have commented that there appears to be a semen stain on Nick's pants next to his thumb in the first picture. Considering he's married to Jessica Simpson, it's a wonder he's not completely covered in the stuff. Get it? Because she's hot.

Lindsay Lohan Loses Card

Looks like somebody found Lindsay Lohan's lost driver's license and American Express Centurion Card (Black Card). I don't care much for the license, but somebody get me that friggin card. I doubt I could afford the $2,500 annual rate, but the privilege of owning one would be well worth giving up eating. Plus I hear that when you flash the Black Card around, poor people actually vanish. It's like the card can magically sense when people worth less than $10 million are around and physically destroy them. Man, if that card number wasn't blurred out I would so buy myself an island on eBay.

*UPDATE: A reader sent in a version of the scan without the card number blurred out. I'd put it up, except I'd prefer to keep all the illegal online shopping to myself. eBay island here I come! Oh, and there's the whole not being a complete asshole on the internet by putting up other people's private information thing.

Paris Hilton Carries Paris Hilton

I should probably say something about how Paris Hilton is carrying a shopping bag with Paris Hilton on it, but I'm more curious about that outfit of hers. Looks a little familiar doesn't it? Either these photos were taken during the same day or Paris Hilton rewears her outfits. Not that there's anything wrong with rewearing an outfit, I just expected a little more of Paris. When you buy new clothes every other hour, it would just kind of make sense that you wouldn't wear the same outfit twice.

Britney Spears Hires Nanny

Britney and Kevin Federline are having a baby boy, and rumor has it the name will be Cheeto. I think they're looking for a nanny, so if you are up for it, contact me and I'll get you in touch with the right people that handle Brit, kevin and Cheeto. I am for real. [Source]

I'm not sure how legit this posting on Craig's List is, but I'm hoping it's very. Not because it's exciting that Britney and Kevin are hiring a nanny, but because the world would die of laughter if they actually named their kid Cheeto.