Jessica Simpson Three's Company

Life's pretty good for Nick Lachey isn't it? I especially like how he's resting his hand on Jessica Simpson's ass, making sure she knows who's boss. Even when you make millions of dollars filming crappy TV specials, singing crappy music, and selling crappy makeup, it's nice to know that you'll always be somebody's ho. Somebody's really hot ho who occasionally dresses like Chrissy from Three's Company that is.

*UPDATE: A number of peple have commented that there appears to be a semen stain on Nick's pants next to his thumb in the first picture. Considering he's married to Jessica Simpson, it's a wonder he's not completely covered in the stuff. Get it? Because she's hot.

Lindsay Lohan Loses Card

Looks like somebody found Lindsay Lohan's lost driver's license and American Express Centurion Card (Black Card). I don't care much for the license, but somebody get me that friggin card. I doubt I could afford the $2,500 annual rate, but the privilege of owning one would be well worth giving up eating. Plus I hear that when you flash the Black Card around, poor people actually vanish. It's like the card can magically sense when people worth less than $10 million are around and physically destroy them. Man, if that card number wasn't blurred out I would so buy myself an island on eBay.

*UPDATE: A reader sent in a version of the scan without the card number blurred out. I'd put it up, except I'd prefer to keep all the illegal online shopping to myself. eBay island here I come! Oh, and there's the whole not being a complete asshole on the internet by putting up other people's private information thing.

Paris Hilton Carries Paris Hilton

I should probably say something about how Paris Hilton is carrying a shopping bag with Paris Hilton on it, but I'm more curious about that outfit of hers. Looks a little familiar doesn't it? Either these photos were taken during the same day or Paris Hilton rewears her outfits. Not that there's anything wrong with rewearing an outfit, I just expected a little more of Paris. When you buy new clothes every other hour, it would just kind of make sense that you wouldn't wear the same outfit twice.

Britney Spears Hires Nanny

Britney and Kevin Federline are having a baby boy, and rumor has it the name will be Cheeto. I think they're looking for a nanny, so if you are up for it, contact me and I'll get you in touch with the right people that handle Brit, kevin and Cheeto. I am for real. [Source]

I'm not sure how legit this posting on Craig's List is, but I'm hoping it's very. Not because it's exciting that Britney and Kevin are hiring a nanny, but because the world would die of laughter if they actually named their kid Cheeto.

Avril Lavigne Hooter's Video

Remember those candid photos of Avril Lavigne dressed in a Hooter's uniform at one of her concerts during Halloween? Well our sibling site Anticlown Daily has got the video from the thing. There's no audio but that's probably a good thing, considering Avril is the Canadian equivalent of Bjork. Wait did I say Bjork? I meant a damn Banshee (which, I guess, would be Bjork). Admittedly though, Avril Lavigne is much easier on the senses when she's not pretending to be some punk rebel and embraces her role as a second rate waitress. Uh...yeah.

View Avril Lavigne Hooters Video (.wmv)

Paris Hilton Eats McDonalds

There's nothing more refreshing than seeing multi-gazillionaire-to-be Paris Hilton holding a McDonald's bag along with her jewel-encrusted Sidekick while driving her Bentley GT. It's good to know that even people who drive cars worth more than most people's houses like to occasionally stop and have some crappy fast food just like everybody else.

I'm not normally a fan of Mantis Woman (that's her official name by the way), but she does look surprisingly good in these pictures. And it's nice to see that she's supporting her sister by wearing a shirt that at least suggests it was designed by Nicky. Although I'm not really sure how much design sense it takes to throw a crappy print on a white tanktop and then plaster your name on it as if you actually want to take credit for it. I think it's safe to say that both Hilton sisters suck at what they do, though it could be argued that Paris "sucks" a little harder than Nicky. Hehe, that was a pun. I'm funny.