Hilary Duff Rides Lollipop

It's about time somebody recognized the underrated sport of lollipop surfing and did a photoshoot in its honor. I can't say I'm a fan of Hilary Duff's giant rectangle body (I like girls to have waists and hips), but I'm going to give this photoshoot a thumbs up. There's just nothing quite like a teenie-bopped out teenie-bop posing on a giant lollipop to make me want to get totally high on cocaine. I mean giant lollipops? It's like I'm already high.

Julia Roberts Names Twins

Julia Roberts gave birth to twins early Sunday morning to her husband of two years Danny Moder. In typical celebrity fashion, she decided to do away with any semblance of normality and named her children Hazel Patricia and Phinnaeus Walter. Seriously? Phinnaeus Walter? I don't think anybody has ever had the name Phinnaeus ever in the history of real life. That's the kind of name you read about in story books about old cobblers and talking mice. All this time I figured Julia Roberts to be somewhat of a regular person but now I know the horrible truth. Just once I'd like a celebrity to not be completely insane.

Read Bundles of joy for Julia Roberts [USA Today]

Cameron Richardson Hardees Girl

If there's one thing I know about selling giant hamburgers (and trust me there's only one), it's that a girl riding a mechanical bull is the only way to do it. Cameron Richardson plays the bull-riding girl in Hardee's new sexerific commercial. You may remember her from such classics as the USA Network series 'Cover Me' or you may not, because it's a damn TV show for the USA Network. At least she knows how to gyrate her hips while eating a hamburger. That's a mighty fine skill for women to have. Mighty fine indeed.

Watch Hardee's Commercial (thanks Bunhead)
View Cameron Richardson Gallery [Maxim]

Tyra Banks

Remember when I said that Tyra Banks was too fat for her dress? What I really meant to say was that Tyra Banks is too fat to be a supermodel. No wait, not too fat. Too ugly. You know the world is coming to an end when a once über specimen like Tyra Banks starts looking like a freakish...thing. I guess that's what happens when age and food start working their terrible magic on you. I can understand keeping her around for her name, but there's really no good reason that Tyra Banks should continue to be modeling for Victoria's Secret.

View Tyra Banks Images [Victoria's Secret]

Kirstie Alley Fat Actress

Is there anything more amusing then when regular sized actresses get enormously large and then make comedy shows poking fun at their own obesity? Yeah probably, but it's still pretty damn amusing. Here's Kirstie Alley downing a giant bowl of spaghetti while occasionally pausing to ask for butter and Diet Coke. Haha, Diet Coke. Classic.

Watch Kirstie Alley Fat Actress Clip [Showtime]

Tyra Banks Is Alien

I never thought the day would come that I would actually find Tyra Banks to be as unattractive as I'm finding her. Maybe it's the giant ball of yarn attached to her head or that hideously fitting dress, but I'm feeling this sudden urge to take her to my leader. And I don't care how famous you are, once you start putting on a little too much weight to be wearing such a tight outfit, somebody should tell you. I'm not saying that she's fat, just a little too fat to be wearing that dress.