Tyra Banks Is Alien

I never thought the day would come that I would actually find Tyra Banks to be as unattractive as I'm finding her. Maybe it's the giant ball of yarn attached to her head or that hideously fitting dress, but I'm feeling this sudden urge to take her to my leader. And I don't care how famous you are, once you start putting on a little too much weight to be wearing such a tight outfit, somebody should tell you. I'm not saying that she's fat, just a little too fat to be wearing that dress.

Antonio Banderas Voices Cat Again

DreamWorks has hired two writers to create an animated film for Antonio Banderas' character Puss 'n Boots from Shrek 2. There are no details on the movie's plot, but Banderas is expected to return to voice the character. Word is, the studio is considering releasing it directly to video, which is pretty much what you would expect from a piece of shit idea.

Clay Aiken Vocal Chord Damage

American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken was forced to postpone the start of his The Joyful Noise Tour, after doctors diagnosed him with vocal chord damage. The singer's publicist reports that Aiken had been suffering from ongoing ear and sinus infections, and recently aggravated the condition during a trip to New York City to promote his book, "Learning to Sing: Hearing the Music in Your Life." In other news, Clay Aiken was recently awarded the "Biggest Lameass of American Idol" Award for being the Biggest Lameass of American Idol. It was a close call between him and and Ryan Seacrest, but Ryan was disqualified when it was pointed out that he already won the "Biggest Lameass of the Universe" Award.

Britney Spears Uses Bathroom

Britney Spears dines with hubby Kevin Federline at Nobu in Malibu and then they stop at the fast food restaurant Jack in the Box for Spears to use the restroom. The pop princess was in agony as she waited for the toilet!

So even famous people have to use the bathroom. That's crazy. But not nearly as crazy as Britney's expressions in these pictures. I bet she was holding in a giant dump and probably stank up the whole place with some explosive diarrhea or something. I hear she does that sometimes.

View Britney Spears Bathroom Pictures -- thanks Tina

Britney Spears & Kevin Federline Clothing Line

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are supposedly working on their very own line of His and Her clothing. A source says, "They are really hot on this, especially Kevin. He thinks he has great style." Sorry Kevin, but dressing like a hillbilly hobo isn't really considered "great style." Maybe if wife beaters and giant clown pants ever come into style then you'll be onto something, but until then maybe you should just chill the fuck out.

Naomi Campbell Rampages

Naomi Campbell is being investigated for allegedly assaulting another of her personal assistants, 31-year old Amie Castaldo. Included in Castaldo's complaint was lip biting, yanking to the ground by her hair, and a head-butt. Yes you heard me right, when in crazy mode, Naomi Campbell head-butts people. I know Marines that don't even head-butt, but I guess they just don't have the killer instinct that Naomi has. Wait did I say 'killer instinct'? I meant complete lack of mental stability. The whole incident reportedly started when Naomi falsely accused Castaldo of failing to line up the right stylist to make Naomi up for an event earlier this month. That sounds pretty legitimate to me. I mean if somebody messed up my stylist, I'd probably have to head-butt them too.