Clay Aiken Vocal Chord Damage

American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken was forced to postpone the start of his The Joyful Noise Tour, after doctors diagnosed him with vocal chord damage. The singer's publicist reports that Aiken had been suffering from ongoing ear and sinus infections, and recently aggravated the condition during a trip to New York City to promote his book, "Learning to Sing: Hearing the Music in Your Life." In other news, Clay Aiken was recently awarded the "Biggest Lameass of American Idol" Award for being the Biggest Lameass of American Idol. It was a close call between him and and Ryan Seacrest, but Ryan was disqualified when it was pointed out that he already won the "Biggest Lameass of the Universe" Award.

Britney Spears Uses Bathroom

Britney Spears dines with hubby Kevin Federline at Nobu in Malibu and then they stop at the fast food restaurant Jack in the Box for Spears to use the restroom. The pop princess was in agony as she waited for the toilet!

So even famous people have to use the bathroom. That's crazy. But not nearly as crazy as Britney's expressions in these pictures. I bet she was holding in a giant dump and probably stank up the whole place with some explosive diarrhea or something. I hear she does that sometimes.

View Britney Spears Bathroom Pictures -- thanks Tina

Britney Spears & Kevin Federline Clothing Line

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are supposedly working on their very own line of His and Her clothing. A source says, "They are really hot on this, especially Kevin. He thinks he has great style." Sorry Kevin, but dressing like a hillbilly hobo isn't really considered "great style." Maybe if wife beaters and giant clown pants ever come into style then you'll be onto something, but until then maybe you should just chill the fuck out.

Naomi Campbell Rampages

Naomi Campbell is being investigated for allegedly assaulting another of her personal assistants, 31-year old Amie Castaldo. Included in Castaldo's complaint was lip biting, yanking to the ground by her hair, and a head-butt. Yes you heard me right, when in crazy mode, Naomi Campbell head-butts people. I know Marines that don't even head-butt, but I guess they just don't have the killer instinct that Naomi has. Wait did I say 'killer instinct'? I meant complete lack of mental stability. The whole incident reportedly started when Naomi falsely accused Castaldo of failing to line up the right stylist to make Naomi up for an event earlier this month. That sounds pretty legitimate to me. I mean if somebody messed up my stylist, I'd probably have to head-butt them too.

Christina Ricci

I think that if I had a giant disgusting mole in the middle of my chest I would do everything in my power to avoid wearing shirts with giant holes in them. I guess that's the difference between me and Christina Ricci though. I prefer to avoid looking disgusting while she does the exact opposite. I never thought that in my lifetime I would see a real life zombie wearing an ugly dress and a terrible pair of really golden shoes. Seriously though, she needs to cover that mole up. Nobody wants to see that.

-- thanks Perry

UPDATE: A number of people have pointed out that the woman in the background appears to have urinated all over the carpet while walking backwards. Good job, old woman. Urinating in public places is neat.

Pink Is Disgusting

As much as I make fun of Britney Spears for being ugly and trashy, Pink takes the cake when it comes to being the ugliest, trashiest singer of them all. Hell, she takes the whole damn bakery. It's bad enough that her face looks like crap, but her body is one of the most unattractive ever seen on a pop star. It looks like the body of a male mechanic who decided to get terribly done breast implants for the sole reason of making other men turn away in disgust. I'm pretty sure I would throw up if I ever saw a glimpse of those breasts, and I'm positive I would if I ever saw that face.

-- thanks Mandy