Hillary Duff Bulks Up

I know that celebrities are regular people like you or your friend (not me, I'm incredibly special) but it's just funny to see them sporting Louis Vuitton purses while chowing down on potato chips and Snapple. I wasn't even aware that potato chips and Snapple existed in Louis Vuitton's world. I had always just thought that there was some expensive substitute like caviar chips and Snappagne. And before you start telling me that Snappagne is the dumbest thing you've ever heard, what would you call the Snapple version of champagne? Not so easy is it?

Denise Richards Playboy Photos

I remember when I watched Wild Things for the first time I thought to myself "Hey, wouldn't it be totally sweet if Denise Richards posed for Playboy?" But then she ended up having a three-way sex scene with Matt Dillon and Neve Campbell and I sort of forgot about the whole thing. But turns out that Denise Richards actually read my mind and has gone and posed for Playboy anyways. Unfortunately, the actual photos don't live up to what every sex-crazed fan has been anticipating. She's doesn't have a bad body or anything, it's just not as finely tuned as most people were probably expecting. That's what happens when you wait six years to do what everybody wanted you to do six years ago. Wait, what? That sentence made no sense.

View Denise Richards 2004 Playboy Gallery (nudity) @ [Luv The Boobs]

Ronald McDonald Japanese Style

Something needs to be said of Japan's take on Ronald McDonald. If nothing else, they deserve huge amounts of praise for coming up with an original take on such an established icon. Personally I don't know about the metrosexual McDonald, but their female version gets a great big thumbs up in my book. I've never understood the logic of using a frightening clown as a mascot when you could just use a sexy woman instead. Or if not a sexy woman, at least a mildly attractive one dressed up in an altered clown costume.

Watch Metrosexual McDonald Commercial (.wmv)
Watch Female McDonald Commercial (.wmv)

Eva Longoria

It's amazing how the wrong top can make even the skinniest of women look fat. Eva Longoria has got a frame that even anorectics would envy, but that floofy top makes her look like she's pregnant or something. So let this be a lesson to all you women out there, stay away from the floofy tops. Unless, of course, the floofy top happens to be see-through. In which case, wear it with all the confidence in the world. See-through clothing is awesome.

Britney Spears Writes Poem

If ever there was any doubt that Britney Spears is the greatest poet in the world, then this little diddy should put all those concerns to rest. Move over Pablo Neruda and make room for a poet that actually has talent.

Honeymoon Poem

A honeymoon at last, to get away from it all
My assistant Fe gave me the call.

I remember it well, as she was smilin'
She said it was called Turtle Island.

I packed my bags light and quick,
Then grabbed my pink dress & favorite lipstick.

We hopped on a plane and took our flight
I slept really well, all through the night.

As we arrive, I turn and look out the door,
People are greeting us right at the shore.

A meal, a shower and some ice cream
Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!

Magical nights filled with stars
Silence is golden, no running cars.

Private dinners, romantic fires
Little piece of heaven, whatever your heart desires.

Friendly "hellos" and never goodbyes
When you're having fun, oh, how time flies!

As we sit and prepare to make our part
I thank you, Turtle Island, with all my heart!

~ Britney [via britneyspears.org -- thanks Caroline]

Christina Aguilera Summer Tour 2004

Reader Laura writes in: I love Christina Aguilera. She makes my imaginary penis very happy. However, as much as I would love to hump Miss Aguilera repeatedly, sometimes I wonder what the hell she is thinking. As of this moment I am quite undecided on this photoshoot. Artsy, yes. Hot? Maybe not. Unless you like your women with 20's-style-moustaches.

Personally, I like my women with 80's pornstar-style moustaches. You know the kind I'm talking about. Those sleazy looking things that Ron Jeremy likes to sport. But on a woman. Hot!

View Christina Aguilera Summer Tour 2004 Photoshoot