Mary-Kate Olsen

Mary-Kate Olsen has been reportedly missing a bunch of her NYU classes and is thinking about dropping out of school. I don't think anybody is surprised here, but the real question is why she decided to even go in the first place. I think we've already established that living in a $7 million apartment isn't comparable to campus dorms, so I don't see what kind of college experience the twins are looking for. People go to college to get the skills and knowledge needed to find a job and make money. It's pretty clear that the Olsen twins don't have any skills or knowledge, but they're already worth $600 million so it doesn't really matter. I think what I'm trying to say here is that the Olsen twins are annoying and they're not cute at all. So stop thinking they're cute. I mean it.

Oh, and Mary-Kate is too fat. She needs to, like, lose weight or something.

Angelina Jolie

Can somebody sit down with Angelina Jolie and explain to her that if she keeps adopting babies, her wonderful genes will never be passed on and nobody will ever carry the rare "Super Fucking Hot Angelina Jolie" gene ever again? Because keeping that DNA to herself would be like Conan O' Brien never telling a joke. A travesty to humanity if ever I saw it.

Read Angelina Jolie Adopts Russian Baby @ [Mosnews]

And if you needed reminding of just how hot Angelina Jolie is, here's her spread from the November issue of Esquire. And don't you ever forget again or else I'll beat you. Beat you good!

Christina Aguilera

Raunchy Christina Aguilera has confessed that she fantasises about lesbian romps. The sexy star, who is reportedly engaged to music boss Jordan Bratman, claims she gets turned on by the thought of girl-on-girl encounters. [Read]

Dirrty pop sensation Christina Aguilera has revealed her sexiest secrets yet—confessing she's definitely up for kinky bondage romps! "If a lover wants to experiment with handcuffs, then that's fair enough for me!" declared the 23-year-old chart princess in her raunchiest interview ever. [Read]

Christina Aguilera enjoys sex. Big shocker.

Jennifer Lopez

Here's some more news you don't care about. Jennifer Lopez has decided to open a salsa dancing school in the Bronx because she's an idiot and got carried away with her role in "Shall We Dance." I should also point out that I saw Jennifer on Inside the Actors Studio which made me want to puke because her finest piece of work was probably the role of 'screaming girl' in Anaconda. Can somebody explain to me why an annoying fatass (literally) like Jennifer Lopez is being featured on Inside the Actors Studio? That's like Jay Leno being interviewed on "Inside the Good Comedian's Studio." It's so ironic that irony itself is ironized. What the crap? Did I just type 'ironized'?

Read Jennifer Lopez 'opening her own dance school' @ [Female First]

Keira Knightley

What the crap has Keira Knightley done to her head? What once was a stunning specimen of female beauty has been turned into a short haired specimen of uh...not...beauty. If you've ever doubted how much influence hair has on a woman's appearance, here's a perfect example. It boggles the mind at how ugly somebody can look when you give them a little boy haircut. Oh, and all those comments I made before about her looking pretty good with short hair? I take them all back. She looks like crap. And get some breast implants, will you?! It was okay when you were 17, but now it's just embarrassing.

Sorry. I Guess.

Alright I adimt it, I've been slacking off recently. When hundreds of thousands of supermodels constantly knock at your door requesting to perform in huge orgies of unprotected sex, it's hard to keep your priorities straight. I mean, what would you do if you were faced with the option of either updating a website or having hours of sex with the world's skinniest hottest women? Just do the math. I"ll try to set aside some more updating time though, because the supermodel sex is starting to wear me out.