Jenna Jameson

Jenna Jameson has made the ridiculously stupid decision to remove her breast implants and has surgery scheduled in October to go back down to her natural size of 32C. I think it's safe to say that this is the worst decision she has ever made. Well except for that whole "have sex with strangers for a living" thing.

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise says that he learned how to kiss thanks to lessons from his older sister's friends. Tom says he would run home from school in a state of excitement when he knew his sister's friends would be visiting, because he was their "kissing practice dummy." Her friends would take him into the bathroom and teach him how to French kiss. Tom says the first time he thought he was going to pass out because he was holding his breath. What a wimp. The first time I kissed a girl, her clothes fell off and then we had sex and then she was Giselle Bundchen. True story.

Britney Spears

It’s reported that Britney Spears may already be pregnant. Britney was allegedly spotted leaving a Los Angeles clinic, which specializes in fertility treatments. She was also allegedly spotted not looking like a complete mess, but the source on that one doesn't seem too reliable. Get it? Because she always looks like a mess.

Jennifer Hawkins (Miss Universe 2004)

The 2004 Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins ran into a problem while modelling when her skirt magically fell off, revealing a surprisingly unsexy thong and ass. I'm not about to claim that the current Miss Universe isn't a stunning female specimen, but based on the rest of her body I would have figured her rear to be a little more shapely. At least her 'wardrobe malfunction' didn't result in the blinding of men everywhere, as was the case when Janet Jackson decided to reveal her ugly ass breasts. I think the world could do with more Miss Universe 'wardrobe malfunctions' and less of the ugly gorilla variety.

Read Article [Miss Uni's skirt falls]
View Miss Universe 2004 Gallery
View Video (.wmv)

*EDIT: Apparently, a lot of you felt that calling Janet Jackson an ugly gorilla was a racist remark. If you're one of these people, you're an idiot. I couldn't care less that she's black. If you look like a gorilla, I'll call you a gorilla. You were all okay with it when I called mystery man a gorilla, yet because Janet Jackson happens to be black it's suddenly not allowed. If you made the association between gorilla and black, I think that says more about your own racial prejudices than it does mine. Seriously, you're a racist. And Janet? Well Janet looks like a gorilla.

Kirsten Dunst

Fellow Kirsten Dunst hater Nicole writes in that the September '04 issue of Allure features a brilliantly stupid interview with everybody's favorite troll, including such classic quotes as "That’s when I had a perfect body, and yet I was self conscious about it. But look at me – that’s a hot just-becoming-a-woman body." and "I think I make a very hot cheerleader." Ah yes, there's nothing more attractive than a troll that thinks it's beautiful. I would have felt bad for making fun of her if she thought she was ugly, but apparently the freak actually thinks she's hot. And I'm desperately trying to see what everybody else is seeing, but I can't get past her little pebble teeth and her pathetic excuse for lips. The best thing about her is her haircut, and that's only because it makes her look like a little boy, which is more convincing than trying to pass her off as a woman. If you find Kirsten Dunst attractive, then you're going to have to leave this site and never come back. Ever. You're also going to have to punch yourself in the kidneys for having such terrible taste.

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton has her very own section at Amazon.com and it's every bit as awesome as you would imagine it to be. I can only hope that one of these days I'll do so little with my life that Amazon will want to give me my very own section as well. I won't have such classy items as the Swarovski Crystal Cross though, so that'll probably never happen. A boy can always dream.

View The Paris Hilton Collection -- thanks Mark

*UPDATE: Apparently Paris Hilton wore a see through dress to the VMA's. Yay, how exciting. Now if only we could find a video of her having sex and sucking some guy's weiner.