Naomi Campbell

Police were called to [Naomi Campbell's] Manhattan apartment Saturday after her maid, Millicent Burton, claimed Campbell slapped her across the face. She then threw her purse out the door, says a source. [read]

What's the big deal here? Being a hot supermodel automatically gives you the right to beat whoever you want, especially if they happen to be the help. Nothing pisses us off more than maids who don't know their place. Just because they're human beings with "feelings" and "emotions" doesn't mean they shouldn't have to pick up our trash and wipe our asses and get beaten everytime they forget to lick our shoes. Naomi deserves to be rewarded for her actions, not chastised.

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The Super Fun Superficial Gmail Game - Gallery

The contestants for The Super Fun Superficial Gmail Game have been posted. The winners will receive their Gmail invites later today and the losers can cry themselves to sleep. We didn't have nearly enough invites to hand out, so if you'd like to donate one to a specific contestant (or to a contestant of our choosing) just send us your invite and we'll forward it to them. The winners will not be finalized until the actual Gmail invites are sent out, so nobody should get their hopes up.

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Tara Reid

I'm not sure what's funnier, the fact that Tara Reid is trying to sign autographs even though she's too intoxicated to do so, or her ugly ape-man escort who happens to be dressed like a fashion blind 8-year old. Yeah, you're right. They're equally funny.

Anastasia Myskina

French Open champion Anastasia Myskina filed an $8 million federal lawsuit against GQ magazine, claiming it allowed topless photographs of her to appear in a Russian magazine without her permission. [read]

Considering she looks like Marilyn Manson, I don't see why anybody in their right mind would want to publish topless photographs of Anastasia Myskina. I mean sure, it's fun to blind stuck up metrosexuals who read GQ, but that's about it. Anastasia should just enjoy the spotlight while she has it. Once one of the actual hot Russian tennis players starts posing topless, nobody will give a rat's ass about her anymore. Even with these topless photos, nobody gives a rat's ass about her. She gives hot Russian tennis players everywhere a bad name.

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Lindsay Lohan

Hollywood actress Lindsay Lohan walked away with four awards at the 2004 Teen Choice Awards function at Los Angeles. The star studded event was hosted by socialite Paris Hilton and singer Nicole Richie. [read]

I don't think anybody over the age of 14 cares at all about the Teen Choice Awards, but you'll be glad to know that Lindsay walked away with four wins, including Best Nipple Slip, Weirdest Boyfriend, Most Realistic Fake Boobs, and Youngest Hollywood Skank. It was a close battle between her and Tara Reid, but Lindsay managed to pull ahead because of her younger age and willingness to date Fez.

Paris Hilton

Considering everybody's already seen her completely naked and with a penis inside of her, it's really no big deal if Paris Hilton happens to wear a tank top that shows off a breast or two.