Paris Hilton

I still remember when Guess used to be one of those cheap Target brands. Then one day they decided they wanted more money and completely revamped their corporate image, charging 30x more for the exact same stuff. Aided in part by their infamously hot models, Guess managed to weasel its way into upscale fashion and nobody was the wiser. If you've been into a Guess store recently, then you've no doubt noticed the Paris Hilton ads they have plastered everywhere. These aren't really new, but I figure it's a nice change of pace from the usual bruised and beaten Paris that we've become so accustomed to. Oh, and did you hear that Nick Carter broke into tears after being confronted with the beating allegations? What a sissy.

Joshua

Alright, we get it. You're a freak. There's really no good reason to ever implant strange crap into your forehead, unless it's because you have some sort of bizarre forehead related medical problem. I'm pretty damn sure that this Joshua character has no such medical problem, but is instead just a freaky ass human being. Why anybody would want to transorm themselves into an alien type lizard creature is beyond me, but that's probably because I'm normal and Joshua is a freak. Did I mention that Joshua is a freak? Because he's a damn freak.

View Joshua (somewhat disturbing)

*UPDATE: A reader wrote in explaining that this was actually an April Fool's Joke and that there's an explanation in the source code. I couldn't find the same message they found, but I'll take their word for it, considering the article was published on April 1, 2003.

Carmen Electra & Fergie

I'm sure I'm not the only person that thinks Carmen Electra and Stacy Ferguson (Fergie) look a whole lot like each other. It's as if they went to the same crappy plastic surgeon who didn't know how to do anything except stretch out face skin and stick grapefruits in chests. Or maybe they use the same crappy brand of self tanner which leaves their skin looking like dirty leather, as if they haven't showered in days. You can't really explain these things, it's just one of the many mysteries of the bimbo universe.

Elisha Cuthbert

The Super Fun Superficial Gmail Game

We've received a number of submissions for the Super Fun Superficial Gmail Game, though not nearly as many as we'd like. C'mon people, this this thing is open to anybody. Guys, girls, horses, midgets, whatever. If you've got a picture, we'd like to see it. The rules will be kept at the top of the site until the last day of submissions.

Ben Affleck

If I was John Kerry, I really wouldn't want Ben Affleck to be showing his public support for me. Not only is he one of the worst actors out there (he's always grinning), but his idea of helping the cause happens to be picking up random babies and scaring the shit out of them.