The Superficial News

-- On the heels of The Scoop’s item that Britney Spears might be incorporating Kabbalah elements into her nuptials come reports that Moore and Kutcher are planning to get married in a Kabbalah ceremony in Tel Aviv. [read]

-- [Brandy], who was accused last week of faking her marriage to producer Robert Smith, is engaged to pro hoopser Quentin Richardson, per People magazine. [read]

-- Michael Jackson built his Neverland ranch with amusement rides to specifically abduct, abuse and seduce children, a court heard yesterday. [read]

-- Dr Lillian Glass, a top Hollywood psychologist, has claimed that Britney Spears has become an unhealthy sex addict. [read]

-- The actress Catherine Zeta-Jones strained to hold back tears as she described her overwhelming fear after receiving numerous death threats from a woman charged with stalking her. [read]

-- Anthony Anderson, the rotund comedic co-star of "Kangaroo Jack" and the original "Barbershop," made a brief court appearance Thursday to say he understands that he is accused of rape and has a lawyer. [read] -- and here's his mugshot

Alizee

I'm sure a lot of you aren't very familiar with the lesser known Alizee, and if you are, you probably only know her as 'that French singer who wears the short skirts.' Truthfully, I've never heard a single one of her songs and I never care to. As long as she keeps on wearing the shortest skirts imaginable, I'll keep on pretending like I care about what comes out of her mouth. I wonder what it's like knowing that your only claim to fame is that you happen to wear short skirts. Must be the same way Ryan Seacrest feels, except instead of wearing short skirts, he's just a jackass.

View Alizee Video (.mpg)

Charlotte Church

[Charlotte Church] has been told by mum Maria to go on a crash diet, having been forced to cancel a magazine photo shoot because of her shapely figure. [read]

So basically, after pigging out in Ibiza with a few of her friends, Charlotte Church had to cancel a photo shoot because she had gotten too fat. That's funny, man.

Before Ibiza

After Ibiza

Elijah Wood

I don't know what's going on in this picture but as best as I can tell, Elijah Wood has just gotten high out of his mind and is receiving a blowjob from a circus midget (probably male). You heard it here first, folks. Elijah Wood likes to smoke pot and receive oral sex from height challenged homosexual circus performers. [via]

The Superficial News

-- Singer Britney Spears is on the hunt for property since becoming engaged and has her eye on the home of basketball giant Shaquille O'Neal. [read]

-- Anna Nicole Smith is jumping to the defense of Kirstie Alley, though it's not clear she needs the help. [read]

-- Catherine Zeta Jones showed 'all the signs of having a nervous breakdown' after being targeted by a stalker, her husband Michael Douglas told a court yesterday. [read]

-- Kylie Minogue, Delta Goodrem, Elle Macpherson, Holly Valance, and Nicole Kidman are at the top of a list of celebrities that people in Australian fantasize about when engaging in sex. [read]

Scarlet Johanson

As much as I'd love to believe that this is actually Scarlet Johanson, my bullshit radar is going off the charts. The girl in the picture looks just enough like Scarlet to throw me off, but I'm not really convinced either way. If anybody can confirm whether or not this is real, that would be sextastic.

Questionable Scarlet Johanson Picture

In the meantime, here are some pictures that are definitely Scarlet. There's just something about that face that makes me want to melt. Wait, did I say melt? I meant masturbate. I'm classy like that.

*UPDATE: A reader wrote in to confirm that the picture is not Scarlet Johanson, but rather a regular poster on some voyeur site. Here's the photographic evidence if you need further convincing. Honestly, I can't even tell if they're the same person or not. Either way, I think it's still safe to say that it's definitely not Scarlet Johanson. Case closed.

**UPDATE: And some more proof that it isn't her. (thanks Rafa)