Scarlet Johanson

As much as I'd love to believe that this is actually Scarlet Johanson, my bullshit radar is going off the charts. The girl in the picture looks just enough like Scarlet to throw me off, but I'm not really convinced either way. If anybody can confirm whether or not this is real, that would be sextastic.

Questionable Scarlet Johanson Picture

In the meantime, here are some pictures that are definitely Scarlet. There's just something about that face that makes me want to melt. Wait, did I say melt? I meant masturbate. I'm classy like that.

*UPDATE: A reader wrote in to confirm that the picture is not Scarlet Johanson, but rather a regular poster on some voyeur site. Here's the photographic evidence if you need further convincing. Honestly, I can't even tell if they're the same person or not. Either way, I think it's still safe to say that it's definitely not Scarlet Johanson. Case closed.

**UPDATE: And some more proof that it isn't her. (thanks Rafa)

Paris Hilton

If I was Paris Hilton, I probably wouldn't wear a bra either. There's really no point when your breasts are so small. It would be like giving her a jockstrap or a cheeseburger. She wouldn't really have any use for either.

Britney Spears

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera will be featured in a new Skechers 'Naughty and Nice' advertising campaign set to launch in August and September of 2004. Sadly, not a single person will even notice the shoes, considering how incredibly hot Aguilera looks in the ads. It's amazing how good somebody can look once they lose the clownwhore makeup and learn to dress properly. And by 'dress properly' I of course mean dress up in as many male fantasties as possible. Sexy nurse, school teacher, innocent school girl, and naughty cop? Good lord, I think I just peed myself in excitement.

The Superficial News

-- US singer Justin Timberlake yesterday won a court order forcing a celebrity photographer to keep his distance, the singer's publicist said. [read]

-- The Courtney Love saga continues. The rocker was in a Los Angeles court on Tuesday, and ordered to enrol in a drug rehabilitation program for 18 months, the duration of her probation. [read]

-- Despite photos to the contrary, Alexandra Kerry contends that the transparent dress she wore to the Cannes Film Festival was actually quite conservative. [read]

-- The celeb gabfest hosted by the American Idol frontman has lost its tenuous grip on the airwaves, with producer Twentieth Television announcing Tuesday that On Air is going off the air for good. The final show airs Sept. 17. [read]

Haylie Duff

Is there anything sadder than Haylie Duff's pathetic attempts to mooch off the fame of her younger, prettier, more successful sister? Even though I'm not a huge Hillary Duff fan myself, I can at least see how she could have made it big in Hollywood. She's blonde, she's cute, and she's got a lot of teenage spunk. Haylie Duff, on the other hand, is like the creepy 40-year old that hangs out at bars and clubs. She's trying so hard to fit in, but it's just awkward and sad. Plus, her giant nose makes her look like the Wicked Witch of the West, only uglier.