Rachel Stevens

I don't know anything at all about UK singers, but as long as they're hot they're okay by me. Rachel Stevens is pretty big stuff and I'd be lying if I told you I never heard of her. Then again, I'd also be lying if I told you I haven't had sex with every single Playmate ever. Including the dead ones.

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Britney Spears

Britney Spears sinks to a new low — swigging whisky and Red Bull and scoffing junk food in the street with her love-rat fiancé.

Classy. Word on the street is that the whiskey is actually Ginseng and that The Sun has the most of piece of shit reporters in the world. Plus, they can't even spell "whiskey" right. Britney Spears is still a white trash whore though.

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*UPDATE: About 10 gazillion of you wrote in to say that people in the UK spell Scotch Whiskey without the "e." I guess I'm not allowed to make of The Sun's journalism anymore. They're top notch!

Anna Kournikova

The main difference between Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova is the simple little fact that Maria Sharapova is actually good at tennis. Though Anna is the most popular/famous tennis player in the universe, she's never even won a Grand Slam title. Not that anybody really even cares about her tennis playing abilities though. As long as she's blonde and looks decent in a bikini, America will embrace her as the greatest tennis sensation since Pete Sampras.

Maxim August 2004
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Maria Menuonos

I was watching The Howard Stern Show the other night, and Maria Menuonos was on. During the interview, it was revealed that she makes over $200,000 being a reporter for Entertainment Tonight and that she started out her career as a janitor. Can you even imagine seeing a janitor that looks like Maria Menuonos? It would be the equivalent of your high school nurse looking like Carmen Electra. That's crazy, man.

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Britney Spears

Although the Sun isn't known for it's quality news reporting, I'm doubtful that they would go so far as to print a photoshopped picture. Their photo of Britney's nipple popping out does look questionable though, considering the number of similar photos circulating the net. Plus, that seems like a pretty damn big nipple slip to have gone unnoticed for so long. If I weren't so suspicious of photoshopped images, I'd probably be a little more excited here.

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Cameron Diaz

Here's the full Cameron Diaz sex tape for anybody that's interested. I haven't actually tried downloading it, so if it doesn't work and turns out to be hardcore animal/midget porn, don't blame me (or thank me if you just so happen to swing that way).

Full Cameron Diaz S&M Sex Video