Anthony’s Weiner: A Tale of Two Dicks

June 7th, 2011 // 97 Comments

For those of you gleefully unaware of politics in general, New York congressman Anthony Weiner essentially admitted in a surprisingly “frank” – *adjusts bowtie* – press conference to sending several women who are “coming” out of the “wood”work – A thank you, thank you. – photos of his penis via e-mail, Twitter, Facebook and pretty much any form of electronic communication that can transmit a dick. (No one go on XBox Live yet.) He also admitted to lying about his Twitter account being hacked and apologized to then-discredited right wing blogger Andrew Breitbart who first broke the story and essentially proved a broken cock is right at least twice a day. I mean, clock. Or did I? These puns are starting to run together.

It’s no secret my politics lean to the left, but this is one of those cases where I stayed completely out of it – Unlike when I ran my mouth during the Arizona shooting. – because while the original harbinger was a man responsible for debunked story after debunked story, this one involved a Democrat with an erection and we all know how well that ends. (Where did I put that Lewinsky dress…) And when Anthony Weiner couldn’t say with “certitude” if the original Twitter photo was his penis or not, only an idiot would give him the benefit of the doubt. And, of course, those idiots were a large portion of the left wing blogosphere, who trotted out the usual defenses instead of going, “Erect penis?! Abandon ship!” Because when has a hard cock ever not caused a problem? (Hint: Never.)

1. “Why aren’t we talking about important topic X or important topic Y?” BECAUSE A PROMINENT POLITICIAN JUST ADMITTED TO EMAILING HIS DICK TO 800 DIFFERENT WOMAN. Not to mention, he just answered the question, “Congressman, how do you know these women weren’t underage?” with “To the best of my knowledge, they weren’t.” Which might as well have been, “Haha! I don’t! Penis photo?” But, seriously, I think we all have a few minutes to look at this and reflect on what a fucking idiot Anthony Weiner is. Otherwise, I’m going to come into your house and start yelling, “Why are you eating instead of talking about the debt ceiling?!” I’ll do it.

2. This was a distraction perpetrated to sabotage the Clarence Thomas Recusal Campaign. Probably. But you know whose fault that was? The guy e-mailing dick pictures. Maybe if he wanted this case to go smoothly, he should’ve looked at his penis, and then his cellphone, and decided they shouldn’t hang out until this is done. Afterwards? Go nuts. *bah-dum-CHING*

3. What he does in his private life is his own business? Unless he’s a Republican. C’mon, that’s a bullshit argument. The man holds a public office and just spent a week lying to everybody about Brett Favre-ing his face off for the past three years. I’m not saying all public officials should be choir boys, but when they get caught sending dick photos to anything with a vagina that follows them on Twitter, it’s news. That’s reality, and also the level of deprivation that keeps a roof over my head, so if you could keep it down?

4. This just gave Andrew Breitbart credibility. It does, if you don’t do your job after this. I’m pretty sure he’s going to get “cocky” – *brushes off shoulders* – after this, so you’ll have plenty of time to discredit him all over again. But like I’ve said before, blame Congressman CockPhoto who, even with a basic grasp of statistics, had to realize he’d send his penis to a woman with a Republican friend. Which is exactly what happened.

Full Disclosure: I was originally going to write a post about Sarah Palin‘s butchering of Paul Revere and her followers trying to edit Wikipedia to reflect her version, but this happened, and like a nomad, I go where the penis jokes are. So, look, left wing, your guy pulled a boner and, right wing, your guy pulled a boner. I’m not expecting that to mean anything or cause a deep moment of reflection on how both parties are a mixed bag of dumb, I honestly just wanted to wanted to make another penis pun.

Tally Ho!

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Larry

    I’m glad Brietbart has found his calling – scouring the internet to out men who post crotch shots. Curious pastime, though.

    What’s his current relationship with alcohol?

    • Weepeel

      How does his current relationship with alcohol effect his ability to get keep getting the better of all those liberal swine? You’re just jealous.

    • Dale

      At least Brietbart is investigating this shit. The MSM have all but ignored it but if it had been a republican they would have been screaming bloody murder.

    • Really?

      Honestly….who gets up in the morning and says “I’m gonna troll the internet for some politician penis”.

      This story says far more about the sexual disposition of Mr. Breitbart than it does about Weiner. And it’s hilarious that republinerds are making Weiner out to be the creepy pervert. I mean really. Who the hell would you rather hangout with….the guy that cruises the internet looking for hot chicks and a piece of ass. Or the dork blogger who’s surfing phone texts for man meat.

    • Really?

      Honestly….who gets up in the morning and says “I’m gonna troll the internet for some politician penis”.

      This story says far more about the sexual disposition of Mr. Breitbart than it does about Weiner. And it’s hilarious that republinerds are making Weiner out to be the creepy pervert. I mean really. Who the hell would you rather hangout with….the guy that cruises the internet looking for hot chicks and a piece of ass. Or the dork blogger who’s surfing phone texts for man meat.

  2. Pippy Longcockings

    God…I just….God…

  3. Trixie

    What sucks is that I’ve long considered him to be a guy who’s actually on my side on the issues, and has been fighting for the things I believe in–with GUSTO. … And now, because of this, he’s being ripped to shreds and losing any credibility and power he might have otherwise had. I hope his hot and steamy cybering sessions were worth it. Now we have to go back to the rest of the boring, watered-down politicians who barely stand on either side of the fence, and are afraid to speak out for what’s right, for fear of angering Fox News bobbleheads.

    • LEviC

      Yea weiner fucked himself and subsequently us… with his weiner. It’s sort of depressing especially with the current state of affairs. Oh well, maybe another weiner will pop up or… “rise up” to take his place in standing up for us. Maybe.

    • Dude

      Maybe this even will cause you to realize that the things you, and wiener, believe in are absolute crap and destructive to the country. And you may also realize that the people who believe the things you, and wiener, and barney frank, and maxine waters, and bill clinton, and the rest of the liberal elite do, are complete amoral scumbags who believe that they are above ethics and the law.

      But you won’t. And if you can, you will vote for anthony’s wiener for mayor of New York. Just like a liberal.

      • Trixie

        Why would I believe that, based on Anthony Weiner’s actions? Plenty of Republican men have been busted for soliciting sex and similar actions–has that made you question your own political ideology?
        Also, are you aware of what this website is? You’re really going to claim moral superiority over me while we’re both perusing a site that regularly features scantily-clad or nude women and snarky celebrity gossip? I mean really.

      • Deacon Jones

        lol, nice Trixie.

      • HeyDude

        Ten to one this guy is scared of anyone brown or gay.

        Shut the fuck up Dude, I hope your mom gets cancer.

    • cc

      On the one hand, I agree with you, he has been a relatively effective proponent of the things he believes in. On the other hand, how much faith can you have in someone who has such poor judgment. In this day and age, anyone who is rich, famous, or a politician and does these sorts of things is a fool.

      • rican

        Not pointing out moral superiority Trixie, just your hipocrisy.

      • dude!

        Mom . . Cancer? Really? You like ten or so. Drink your milk and go to bed. It’s past your bedtime kid.

      • Lemmy

        What exactly is Trixie’s hYpocrisy, Rican?

        My two cents: Dems never promise to be saints and stand behind “morals” the way the GOP does, so at least their failings aren’t the height of hypocrisy that you have with the likes of Newt, Vitter, Larry Craig, Ensign and the whole cavalcade of “family values” horseshit spreaders on the Right.

      • rican

        If I have to explain it Lemmy, you won’t understand it anyway.

    • Pollard

      “If I have to explain it Lemmy, you won’t understand it anyway.”

      In other words you’re just spouting bullshit. Like usual. Typical republitard behavior.

    • Mandi

      Obviously you CAN’T explain it, rican… because you’d rather throw out fancy words than back them up.

  4. Cardinal Fang

    Who hasn’t sent a picture of their wang to someone? As much as I hate some Dems, give this guy a break. But can we blame rising gas prices on rising cock pictures? I don’t think anyone could determine that.

    • Jimmy

      That’s the funny part. It’s such a stupid story – a horny married guy flirts on the internet, and get caught. Whooped-de-do. The fact that people get excited about this tells you we have a seriously stupid electorate.

      • Dale

        Well Jimmy, do you really want someone with a total lack of good judgment making decisions that will affect your future? The fact that he even hold a high ranking office already proves that we have a seriously stupid electorate.

      • Dear Jimmy

        No stupid, take one look at the face on that pig. He couldn’t get laid without money or power. The fact that he is married makes it illegal for him to commit infidelity, no matter how innocuous it may seem to a son of a whore like yourself.
        Of course, I am not in the least shocked by any scandals coming from any of these crooks.
        And for you right wing simpletons, why are you here? Hypocrites.
        Peace and love and flowers and $bombs$ all over the place. (That should cheer up the Repugnicans)

      • CriticalThinking

        Jimmy – the fact that you don’t get why this is a story (not the media hyped madness it has become, but a story nonetheless) says more about your intellect than the electorate as a whole.

        1. These are precisely the acts of someone vulnerable to blackmail (remember that congressman thing?)
        2. This goes to his decision-making ability (or lack thereof)
        3. Regardless of whether you agree with the ethics rules or not, he violated them by using a congressional phone for phone sex, offering PR help to the ex-porn star, telling her how to manipulate the media (which I’ve seen him do a hundred times previously!), and I’m sure there are other violations too. This has been going on for years according to him and probably longer since he has lied about everything else up to this point.
        4. Further, he lied through his teeth (for over a week!) and did everything he could do destroy the messenger (Breitbart) – typical liberal demonization. It usually works too. The press was right there with him – led, of course, by the liberal lapdog MSNBC network.

        Point is, it isn’t just that he did it, but he lied his a** off about it, attacked many of those that questioned him and demonized the messenger – for over a week. He shouldn’t have the option to stay. We pay his frickin’ salary – you’re fired!

        Next: Rangel !!

      • some dude

        Well put, CT. Sad that it *has* to be explained.

      • Really?

        Republicans spouting about moral superiority….on a glorfied, softcore porn site. Priceless.

  5. Anthony Weiner Twitter Photo Andrew Breitbart
    Commented on this photo:

    Some of it got in my eye.

  6. durr

    “Clarence Thomas Recusal Campaign”??? Be still my beating heart..

    • Deacon Jones

      yes, more details please. ANyone?

      • TomFrank

        Weiner was spearheading (geez, the puns are inevitable, aren’t they?) a campaign against Justice Thomas for not recusing himself from hearing challenges to the new healthcare reform laws, as his wife works as an anti-healthcare reform lobbyist. Thomas failed to report his wife’s $700,000 income from this lobbying on his financial disclosure form (I think he checked the box marked “zero” under “wife’s income”). Thomas has in the past recused himself from hearing cases where his son’s law firm was involved in the appeal. Also, Republicans have insisted that Justice Kagan recuse herself from hearing any healthcare reform cases (although keeping mum about Thomas) because of her past work under Obama; she has recused herself from many cases already because, as Solicitor General prior to her appointment, she worked on the government’s case.

        Here’s a link if you’re interested:

        http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/10/democrats-clarence-thomas-health-care_n_820873.html

  7. Dude of Dudes

    That republican dude who craigslisted his chest resigned. Id say republicans have both been caught and punished as well. And that was just a chest. Albeit a married one trolling for sex on Craigslist. Ok you win.

    • thuglife

      Repub dude chose to resign, no one forced him. Weiner boy can do whatever the fuck he wants to as long as he’s not breaking the law.

  8. pip

    Aaahhhahahaha. Another phony politician gets his come-uppance. And what is everyone pissed about? The guy who broke the story. These beltway types don’t like that at all; if we still had to depend on the old guard media, this never would have happened.
    Same kind of hate was spewed about Drudge in the ’90s – all b/c he broke the Lewinsky story.

    • TomFrank

      Drudge “broke” the Lewinsky story by telling everyone what Newsweek was working on but hadn’t published yet, which was what independent counsel Ken Starr was pursuing but hadn’t yet made public. “It never would have happened” if it wasn’t for Drudge? Ummm, no.

      • some dude

        TF: you are way, way off.
        Isakoff (editor of Newsweek) SPIKED the story. It was dead, and someone over at Newsweek blew the whistle. Drudge RAN WITH IT and had a price on his head as a result.
        Ken Starr entered the picture much later. Sorry dumbass.

  9. Richard McBeef

    meh. better some dick pics than smoking random cocks in a public bathroom.

  10. Cock Dr

    Thanks Weiner for throwing the mainstream media more man meat madness.
    After all, there’s nothing really important going on in the world, there are no critical issues facing the nation; it’s summer & the populace is bored.
    Way to go.

  11. cc

    ‘how both parties are a mixed bag of dumb’

    ^ the truth

  12. TBone

    Well, at least when Democrats are involved in sex scandals, it’s with women.

  13. Weiner's Merkin

    Love him or hate him, taking over Weiner’s press conference was a ballsy act of awesome.

  14. Deacon Jones

    Anyone see the picture of that one porn star, Ginger Lee, that he was texting? She’s hot, too bad Im at work.

    And another power hungry politician bites the dust. It’s in their blood, folks. The ego that drives them in the first place to seek these high pubilicity positions is the same one that whispers in their ear “You deserve this” when they’re looking at puttie-tang on “the internets”.

  15. Sarah Palin

    If a Republican fucks an underage boy in the ass and then blows his dog while atop a 4th of July float it’s okay, we’ll just edit his Wikipedia page to reflect the fact that it’s not only legal but a time honored patriotic tradition.
    If a Democrat has an erection in the presence of his wife (and no one else) behind closed doors with the curtains drawn we’ll crucify him.
    I hope that helps clear things up.

    • Trig

      as disconnected as you are trying to make Palin and Republicans look

    • Trigger's diaper

      The fact that ANYONE could take Sarah Palin for more than a nit-wit frightens me.
      I vote we hold a seconday electorate consisting of people who can pass a test involving knowledge of the issues, and not who talks down to them dumb enough. This would eradicate most voters, requiring the wretched corporate lapdogging politicians to speak closer to the truth.
      *laughs at own delusion*

    • TomFrank

      Or, if a Republican Senator is discovered to be a frequent customer of a whorehouse, his party compatriots rally around him and offer forgiveness, even though he committed a crime. Because God forbid he resign and let his state’s Democratic governor choose his replacement.

  16. Venom

    God this guy is such a loser tool.

    What Weiner did was stupid, but it was really not that big a deal.
    He did not cheat on his wife or bang any little boys or hookers, so what is the big deal.
    Weiner should have been so fucking what, I sent some photos, fuck off and walked away.

  17. Bow Chica Wow Wow

    Republican, Democrat, Tory, Labour or Liberal. Doesn’t matter what party you are all guys think with their dicks. Seriously, why can’t they keep it in their pants? I just don’t get it, they jepordise their careers, marriages, public standing because they get horny.

    I’m a guy and horny as hell most of the time but I’ve never been unfaithful and I sure as hell wouldn’t risk my career. Why are they so fucked in the head?

  18. rican

    Alright Fish, you’re a leftie, but at least not a fanatic. Good for you.

  19. krutboo

    You call both of them dicks – but in the end Breitbart was correct, Weiner admitted he lied (when not fake crying like a bitch), and Brietbart received an apology straight from Weiner about the whole situation.

    My advice to Fish is to leave the politics to the adults and just stick to making fun of celebrities and showing pics of titties.

  20. AtomicMug

    This is my constant gripe against local, state & federal government employees:

    In the private sector, if I used my company PC to distribute creepy shlong-shots to a bunch of dim-witted, gold-digging Web-Bettys, I’d be sh*t-canned so fast, I’d be face down on the side walk with my pants around my ankles before I knew what hit me.

    But if you’re in some cushy, hack job, you get a six-figure salary, 4 weeks vacation per year, free travel, food per diem, and the World’s best health and dental coverage.

    Impeach Weiner.

    • Impeach him for what? Recall, sure; demand a resignation from, ok; but what law has he broken to require an impeachment?

    • Venom

      God, another hick that knows nothing about law or anything else.
      First of all the impeachment process is not used for Members of Congress.
      Secondly it is only used for treason, bribery and other high crimes and misdemeanors.

      Weiner is an idiot, but he committed no crime.
      Please learn what the fuck you are talking about before you start throwing out terms like impeachment.

      • AtomicMug

        Sigh.

        It was hyperbole, dickhole.

        And don’t try to impress anybody with your vast knowledge of Congressional policy; Google searches don’t equal intellect.

        Impeach Weiner.

  21. Tanzarian

    The Crotch Shot Crusader.

  22. Photoshop Police

    Even the sun shines on a dog’s… oh forget it.
    Breitbart just isn’t worth the effort.

    Poor judgement in your personal life does not automatically equal poor representation of your politics.

    I hope Weiner keeps calling out the GOP on their bull$#!*.
    Their uncivilized behavior is much worse than anything he could have ‘tweeted’.

    • Armando

      duh yes it does moron – he could have been blackmailed had this not come out in the open, he’s using gov’t property to do this (crime), I am always surprised by the sheer stupidity of a liberal.

      • s'up bitches

        The investigation hasn’t started yet (which it will and should), so to state for a fact someone did something like using government property for his junk shots makes you sound like an ass. Listen, he probably did, but I prefer to draw my conclusions based on facts, rather than get my talking points from some political pundit. This applies to both liberal and conservative.

  23. How come I didn’t get a tweet of his Johnson? Where’s the love.

  24. tlmck

    I have an idea. Lets load up all the vocal minority, known as Conservatives and Liberals, into cargo planes and toss them out over Siberia with only a parachute and a days rations. They will either have to work together to survive, or wind up eating each other. If any of them do make it back to the US, they are to be shot on site. People limited to only one way of thinking are simply not smart enough to live here any more.

    • s'up bitches

      Fanned! Can you fan on the superficial? Personally, I vote both parties. It depends on the platform. I usually go with the center Republicans and blue dog Democrats. However, if I researched (yes people, you should really research a candidate and their platform) a progressive or tea party candidate, and liked what they had to say, they would get my vote. I am so sick of these assholes that are so set on towing the party line they would rather see this country crash and burn then break away in order to save this nation. Fuck them.

  25. Armando

    Keep up the good work Andrew – Weiner was just a skinny version of Fat Ted Kennedy, you probably saved some girls life and Huma from having to stay married to this perv for the next 20 years

  26. the captain

    pssssst: HE FORGOT HIS DENTURES, folks!!

  27. lizzie

    He should be ashamed of himself. What was he thinking? I really liked Armando’s comment.

  28. George

    Weiner is such a friggin’ Dickhead, he is aptly named. Glad to see someone is trying to out these elitist, power hungry, assholes in Congress that think they can do anything and get away with it. Weiner in particular thinks his shit don’t stink just watch the jackass anytime he gets interviewed, hope the ass-wipe gets kicked out of Congress (not holding my breath on that however) as Democrats can do whatever and it’s OK, just look at tax evading Charley Rangle.

    • Venom

      You mean like current Republican US Senator David Vitter that admitted he broke the law by soliciting prostitutes multiple times?

    • Sami

      I’m a liberal, but what makes me mad is when lib politicians think that since they are for “the people” they can get away with stuff without punishment. In fact, I would argue that since Obama’s gotten into office, Dems have done more harm to everyday people then help.
      Unemployment is 9%. Under W (who I didn’t vote for) it was 7%
      Gas is $3.65 where I am now. In 2009 it was around $2.00 a gallon
      We were in 2 wars before O, now we have Libya to add to the mix even though we don’t have troops there — yet. (fyi — last week we lost 5 soldiers in Iraq)
      W may have sucked up the Clinton “surplus” Obama’s spent more in 2.5 yrs than W did in 8.

      And if Palin’s Paul Revere issue is the only issue Dems/liberals are complaining about, they are in big trouble and they know it

  29. George

    Hey pecker-head writing the article, try getting the pictures correct, take off Breitbart’s and replace it with yours, it’s obvious after reading your drivel that you’re amongst the clueless ass-wipes and dick-heads just like Weiner. Get a real job moron.

    • Hey Hick Fuck You

      How ’bout farming. The Fish could get some of that awesome farm subsidy welfare you red necks love so much.

      • CitySlicker

        Yes us here city slickers get all kinds of farm subsidies for growing our 1/2 acre of manicured lawn. I just don’t know how I can spend all this money… Clueless twit!

  30. donald

    What has Breitbart done that’s been discredited?

    Give us all out here just one.

    • sickofit

      Breitbart hasn’t been discredited on anything. I come to sites like this to get away from fucked liberal idiots and guess what? a bunch of lying, fucked, mentally ill liberals try to push their lies on me. See ya

      P.S. go fuck yourself liberal trash

      • CitySlicker

        I’m with ya there dude plenty of other sights that don’t try and push an agenda, they just wanna share… outta here right behind you.

      • Suds

        Glad I’m not the only one on here who can’t stomach all the liberal crap. Stick to making fun of stupid celebrities and leave the politics at Daily Kos or whatever cesspool the libs are wallowing in these days.

  31. Vanessa

    Do you think Wiener’s wiener has been sending photo’s of his wiener…it’s a perpetual loop of wiener. Come on, these jokes write themselves!

  32. Kitty

    “The Superficial”… well, at least that correctly characterizes this website and the commenters on it…

  33. Party Brekerrr

    Hey pecker-head writing the article, try getting the pictures correct, take off Breitbart’s and replace it with yours, it’s obvious after reading your drivel that you’re amongst the clueless ass-wipes and dick-heads just like Weiner. Get a real job moron.Igrice Games

Leave A Comment