Annie Ilonzeh and Claudia Jordan Doing Bikini Things and More News

The reason why I didn’t do a Bey-Beywatch post today was because there just isn’t any more information that isn’t speculative… except for the fact that Beyonce did give birth already and everyone hates her dad. [Wonderwall]

Taylor Swift is scaring the shit out of boyfriend Joe Alwyn’s parents because they recognize that this woman can eat him alive and shit him out on her private jet during their next trans-atlantic flight. Nobody would raise an eyebrow… [Celebitchy]

You thought you partied hard this past weekend, Whiplash’s Miles Teller drank himself into a drunk tank. [TMZ]

Did you hear the guys who made “MMM-Bop” are calling Justin Bieber’s music shitty? Props to los hermanos Hanson for stickin’ it out this long, but I won’t be satisfied until I see a street fight now. [E!]

Nickelodeon drama: Drake Bell is really mad he wasn’t invited to his buddy Josh’s wedding (this is the Drake and Josh guys here) but it’s probably because he’s been Lohanning for the past few years. [Dlisted]

How the hell did Katy Perry’s new album Witness debut at no. 1? [BreatheHeavy]