Anne Heche loses custody of her son

June 12th, 2007 // 68 Comments

Anne Heche’s estranged husband, Coley Laffoon, has been awarded primary custody of their five-year-old son by a Los Angeles Superior Court judge. Laffoon, a stay at home dad, was asking for $33,000 a month in spousal and child support to maintain the “marital standard of living” to which he had become accustomed but got “far below his original demands.” In the court battled he alleged that Heche was insane and that he was the one who created a stable home life for their son. Heche fired back:

… that, yes, Laffoon might spend more time at home than she does, but only because she’s out earning a living and home is where he could engage in his favorite hobbies–playing ping-pong, playing poker, checking out online porn and masturbating.

This guy sounds like a tremendous winner. I don’t know if you can believe this, but he quit his $6,000-a-year career as a video photographer to raise their son. I mean, wow, he just walked away from all that money. What sacrifice. It takes an extraordinary amount of character to leave that kind of money so you can play ping-pong and masturbate to online porn all day. Abraham Lincoln could really learn something from this guy.



  1. SHELL


  2. The_Squizz

    “he could engage in his favorite hobbies–playing ping-pong, playing poker, checking out online porn and masturbating.”

    Is she saying there’s something wrong with that???

  3. Awww Not This Crap Again!

    It amazes me that people like these two can procreate without having to pay a fine. People like this should be spayed and/or neutered. This poor kid is going to grow up with these two as his role models? They named him HOMER for God’s sake…like classmates won’t already have a field day with that name! Some therapist is gonna get rich off of this kid.

  4. celebfacts

    First, didn’t Anne cheat on Coley just like she has done in every other relationship? If I was in his position I would be trying to take her for all she’s worth too! Heche admitted that she had encountered aliens and wandered into nowhere in the past….I can understand how Coley would use her insanity to get custody of their child Homer. As for the name Homer, while it made be odd, there are worse names and this one came from Coley’s beloved relative.

  5. Pokemon_Johnson

    oh hell yeah…the guy actually “wins” in this divorce, not the other way around (for once).

    I mean, oh, poor POOR Anne (not!)

  6. titsonsnack

    She looks like she smells.

  7. Erika

    Wow….amazing. Why is it that when a woman wins custody she is some kind of victor, but when the father (who is probably a much better parent than this nut job) wins, he is made fun of. As if his staying home to raise their kid is less valuable because he is a man.

    People are ignorant.

    Anyways, thank GOD this psycho didn’t win custody and much luck to this father

  8. havoc

    Allegedly insane?????

    This chick is nuttier than a shithouse rat.

    Hey, women have their hobbies…shoes, Starbucks and cell phones.

    Men have theirs…poker, porn and slappin’ Johnny behind the ears.

    So what?

  9. adeliza

    That man’s name is totally jackass. 1st and last name; both of them. Coley Laffoon? WTF?!?!? Who named this asshole?

  10. jrzmommy

    What a faggot……maybe try working?? Lot’s so single parents do that to support themselves. As Chris Rock put it… once you leave the restaurant, they don’t owe you a steak…..

  11. It is hard enough for the son to grow up without a full time mom, but also hearing all this bitter dirty laundry aired in the public is really sad

  12. Shut the fuck up already

    Erika: Because our purpose here is to make fun of everyone…..especially the self-righteous.

  13. Jimbo

    So what is wrong with checking out online porn and masterbating. If the little women switched teams again, what are you going to do?

  14. jrzmommy

    Is his name really Laffoon? Like, a combination of Laugh and Buffoon?

  15. Texas Tranny

    Not a damn thing wrong with online porn and masturbating, unless your at work or on the church computer.

  16. Jimbo

    @16 TT – What is wrong with that at work?

  17. riotgrl

    Oh for god’s sake, Anne Heche is a nutbar! It’s been documented how many gazillion times, the chicks got mental issues…. serious ones. She’s also an adulterer so obviously the court will award her normal, sane husband custody, duh. Of course the guy will quit a 6K a year job once he married Anne Wacko Heche, who the hell wouldn’t have??

  18. Ferocious_Imbecile

    Of course just because her husband is a loser doesn’t mean she isn’t certifiably insane. The fact that she chose him to sire a child upon her speaks loudly in favour of that judgement. When is Al Quaeda going to hit Hollywood/Malibu with one of those suitcase nukes? What is holding those lazy buggers up?

  19. she is very plain looking

  20. tatianalensky

    him and K-fed should open a daddy-day care.

    Success is mine.

  21. Ruby

    Where the hell is Ellen Degeneres when ya need her to help raise a normal kid?

  22. Playing porn and masturbating all day is my main career goal … maybe I should stop mentioning that in job interviews …

  23. valery

    Who is Anne Heche anyway ?

  24. Jimbo

    Bern – nice DMBS!! You still need to be able to see the picture full size instead of that thumbnail you post

  25. jrzmommy

    “Congress needs to make a law that it is illegal for anyone to say anything negative about somebody else….”
    Anne Heche, Matthew Shepard Rally in Washington DC

    She’s crazy AND has no concept of freedom of speech.

  26. jrzmommy

    More Heche gems:
    “Are we changing the idea of what beauty is? Let’s hope so. I’m not the typical Hollywood beauty. Let’s hope we’re looking at the insides of people a little more.”

    We do not fall in love with the package of the person, we fall in love with the inside of a person.”


  27. Hollywood Agent

    I always thought that Ellen worn the pants in their gay relationship. However, now I see that I was wrong; it was her all the time.

    She’s the Man!

    He’s Mr. Mom!

  28. jrzmommy

    more zingers:
    “I thought Celestia was from another planet called the Fourth Dimension. I escaped to the Fourth Dimension.”
    Anne Heche

    “You name it, I could do it, I could see into the future, I could heal people.”
    Anne Heche

    “The first week we were together, she tried to break up with me. She said, I think you’re crazy. Here I was, in love with a woman who was telling me I’m out of my mind. ”
    Anne Heche

    “I didn’t have any memory until I was 18 years old. ”
    Anne Heche

  29. yolatengo


    there, I feel better now


    I would totally tool that. I don’t care if she is nuttier than a squirrels nest. I’d just tell her I was a pirate or something and bang her even harder. Isn’t she a wannabee dyke, too? Maybe she could even bring home a girlfriend for the two of us to share. Mmmm…a nutjob sandwich. Crazy never seemed so yummy.

  31. what's wrong with that

    So, does this mean that she’s available now? I’ve got some alien-loving I’d like to show her…

  32. costamar

    At least, playing ping-pong and jerking off are normal activities. Thinking you come from another planet is not. The kid’s better off with his slacker dad.

  33. Coley Laffoon Club

    Activities: playing ping-pong, playing poker, checking out online porn and masturbating, sitting on The Superficial all day long.

  34. FUCK HER! SHE TOTALLY DESERVE THIS SHIT! what goes around, comes around! so, what he didn’t have a job, she knew that shit, when she started fucking him, she knew that he wasn’t shit! That’s the risk that she took, leaving Ellen, a bitch with money, to someone that was hanging on her coat tail! FUCK HER! What about, Steve Martin, did you guys know that she used to date him?

  35. GoneSouth

    “It takes an extraordinary amount of character to leave that kind of money so you can play ping-pong and masturbate to online porn all day.”

    Is it lonely on your pedestal, Superfish?

  36. Miserable Bastard

    I happen to be a third year video photography student. It’s grueling. YOU try to remember the difference between a Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah. Only one more year until graduation though, then that sweet $3000-a-year starting salary is all mine.

  37. U have to be pretty
    fucked up to loose
    custody if your a mom..

    wonder what druggz shez on?

  38. Anyone know is she’s looking for a broke dude to take E with?

  39. George

    I’m so glad you got “@ucked” Anne Heche, you daffy, fake, blonde Beeych! You’ve been dodging your “day” for years. I’m glad the man is finally handing you something you can feel. Go now and get a interview on “Ellen.”
    She’s waiting for your call now. I love Gender equality. You had it good ladies…why did you go and change it? I believe this IS 2007 now.

  40. studbagel

    If I had a ping pong table Coley and I could be brothers.

  41. getoutofmygalley

    I wonder if she’ll show up on MY front doorstep now.

  42. Robz

    Who is the person writing the comments at thesuperficial? Give me a hint please. That person should have the nobel price in “word writing” if there is one. I need extra protection for my computer, i keep spraying my coffe on my desk when i read thesuperficial, its coming down my nose to, the jokes are taking me by surprise. It should be illegal to be that funny.

  43. To test her claim, I just tried playing ping-pong, playing poker, checking out online porn and masturbating.

    I broke my wrist, lost a nut, and I think my dog may now be pregnant.

  44. sandy

    @ George,

    We “changed it” so we wouldn’t have to be married and slave to your whack hairy ass!

  45. Crap Tonight

    Oh come on people, who hasn’t masturbated to Ping Pong

  46. Adeliza

    Did I miss something, or is 45 as friggin’ nuts as Anne Heche?

  47. hollyj

    I read that he got $19K/month. Not bad for a lazy tool tapper.

    He’ll get paid $228K/year for nonstop daily pole polishing. He should do something worthwhile with all that wasted splooge, since apparently that’s the only thing he’s producing for society. Maybe fill a pool with it. I bet he could do that in a year or less. Or fill kids’ birthday party pinatas with it. OLE!

  48. Please, the guy could have aids and use steroids and still be the only one to get custody.

    Britney and Lohan could have got custody before Anne Heche did, of her own kid.
    Hell, Ellen coud have got custody of that kid before Anne heche did.

  49. Cleonyc

    So even if the guy is that big of a loser and he might be, Ann should learn her lesson. She has a long, long, long history of just going through lovers like Kleenex. Drops one when something more interesting comes along. What she did to Ellen was so nasty, that is how she met her baby’s daddy. Also when you are super rich maybe it is not a good idea to marry the barely employed. What was going to give him motivation? All of your money? And her costar that she just hooked up with was married. She had it coming!

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