Anne Hathaway’s private journals confiscated in FBI raid

July 24th, 2008 // 57 Comments

Anne Hathaway has been doing her best to distance herself from her ex-boyfriend con man Raffaello Follieri. She’s even changed her number, and many believe she helped the FBI arrest him. But now she’s getting pulled into the investigation after her private journals were confiscated during a raid of Raffaelo’s apartment. I say around mid-afternoon the Internet will be soaked with tales of pale sex next to a roaring fire of hundred dollar bills while Bill Clinton watches. NY Daily News reports:

The agents confiscated the intimate diaries of the Devil Wears Prada star during another raid on Follieri’s $37,500-a-month Trump Tower pad, according to the sources. Seeking to bolster their case against the dashing Italian, who has been charged with 11 counts of fraud and money laundering, agents are also said to have seized photos of Follieri with Bill and Hillary Clinton, Pope John Paul II, and John and Cindy McCain.

January 21, 2007
Raffaello bought me a yacht made of solid gold. We make love inside a Lamborghini then discard it like a used condom.

June 3, 2007
We take my yacht “The Why Don’t I Question Where My Boyfriend Gets His Money” out on the sea. We make love on top of a sea turtle then discard it like a used condom.

June 5, 2007
The sun fucking BURNS. Raffaello confuses me for a lobster woman then attempts to seduce me. I now have doubts about our relationship.

August 12, 2007
Raffaello buys me a diamond ring the size of a Buick. But not before stopping by a church and running out with the collection plate. He’s so romantic.

November 23, 2007
Sorry I haven’t written in so long. Raffaello and I vacationed on the moon. I met presumptive presidential candidate John McCain today. He tells me his secret recipe for barbecue, but I don’t know where to find unicorn hearts and the bottled tears of children.

December 25, 2007
Raffaello manned a vast hunting expedition to track down the real Santa Claus. He brings me a blanket made of his beard, carcass and coat. Love is made. Expensive items discarded like condoms.

February 15, 2008
Approached by FBI agent today. Asked me if Raffaello knows the pope. I tell the agent, “No, but he likes to dress like him.” He laughs then pulls out duct tape and a wire tap. It itches.

superficial

  1. cltsig

    So what, she’s still ugly.

  2. Tuna

    I heard she’s gonna be the last boss when Wrath of the Litch King comes out in December. . .

  3. ph7

    Let’s hope she likes to describe her sex life in explicit detail in those journals.

  4. Liza

    What does it matter if she described it in explicit detail or not, she’s still ugly remember? jeez dont you read the post’s lol

  5. Ted Mosby

    I would plow her like the fields in Kansas.

  6. kirsten dunst

    ok i will admit he did a good job on those journal entrys. hilarious.

  7. David Schwimmer

    I thought she was smart enough to know the difference between “wear” and “where”. I guess she doesn’t even have that going for her.

  8. charm

    At least one of them has an exciting life.
    She is so boring.

  9. Jim

    She’s got a smoking hot body. Great cans and the pure innocent look that make soyu want to do very dirty things to her.

  10. Drats! I hope she doesn’t describe the night I taught her my secret handshake!

  11. sixpack

    3, 5 & 9 – Yes, Yes and hell yes.

  12. me

    I would give my first born son, my left nut, my mother, and my soul to the devil for all eternity for just one night with her.

  13. Liza

    REALLY 12…. hmmmm issues

  14. Dear Diary:

    Raffaello keeps telling me he’s innnocent and I believe him, but he keeps accusing me of looking at him all wide-eyed and shocked. When I told him that’s what I usually looked like, he just did a belly flop of his cash mattress and just asked me over and over why I looked so surprised. I think it’s gross the way we wipe his ass with $5 bills and it’s been like 3 hours since we’ve had sex. I’m so depressed.

    Love,

    Me (Anne)

  15. zimbo

    just remember her boobies from havoc and brokeback. very, very nice.

  16. A-1

    Great journal entries, Fish. You are hilarious!

  17. Is it just me or does it look like she has some happy nipples?

  18. Mo

    I love her.

  19. vent

    A pad for $37500/month? They were really living it up. She’s smart to leave him when the going got rough.

  20. Hecubus

    Insanely beautiful girl. So much better than the Kardashian bitches and whatever other muscled manwhore bitches usually grace the front page. Don’t get me wrong, she sounds like she’d have to raise a few IQ points to be a dumbass but I’d so go so god damned crazy on that pale white dumb ass.

  21. Tom

    She’s awesome. So sexy and smart as well. And she likes getting naked. She’s worth a hundred Heidi Montags.

  22. m

    @ Nos. 1 and 3: Anne Hathaway is ugly? Well, I guess “Liza” is a woman, and woman have horrible taste in other women. As for cltsig, if he is a man, he’s clearly gay. Seriously. Anne Hathaway is scorching hot, period. To say that she’s ugly means that your homosexual. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you’re not a heterosexual male.

  23. KG

    She’s hot, yup. Also a total b*tch on wheels and incredibly needy.

  24. jay

    The only way she could look hotter is with my cock in her mouth and then me spraying her face with my jizz.

  25. dude

    Man, that tiny little gap in her grin is freaking me way out.

  26. bless

    lol this article is insanely funny

  27. Silly

    Those journal entries are hilarious. This is the first post that truly made me laugh out loud.

  28. Agree with 267 above. Best fish comments in a long time.

    Shit, I’m emailing them to everyone I know.

  29. dan

    since when does a chick who’s face looks a little too mcuh like smeagle’s become hot? she’s fucking ugly, I guess nowadays all it takes if for someone to get famous then then automatically equal hot. don’t get me wrong now, i would hit that shit so hard though! cuz she does have a nice petite body, but that face though? not into fucking anything b=with furby looking eyes sorry, but seriously though i would still hit it :)

  30. dan

    since when does a chick who’s face looks a little too mcuh like smeagle’s become hot? she’s fucking ugly, I guess nowadays all it takes if for someone to get famous then then automatically equal hot. don’t get me wrong now, i would hit that shit so hard though! cuz she does have a nice petite body, but that face though? not into fucking anything b=with furby looking eyes sorry, but seriously though i would still hit it :)

  31. dan

    since when does a chick who’s face looks a little too mcuh like smeagle’s become hot? she’s fucking ugly, I guess nowadays all it takes if for someone to get famous then then automatically equal hot. don’t get me wrong now, i would hit that shit so hard though! cuz she does have a nice petite body, but that face though? not into fucking anything b=with furby looking eyes sorry, but seriously though i would still hit it :)

  32. iamagirl

    I think she is soooo fine, for some reason. The nerdy innocent look is hot and unique.

  33. iamagirl

    I think she is soooo fine, for some reason. The nerdy innocent look is hot and unique.

  34. Donica

    Anyone else notice that her nostils are a bit red in this picture? She powder her nose from the inside?

  35. Sandy

    Unless she’s Britney Spears, she couldn’t be so stupid as to not be suspicious about her boyfriend’s financial situation. Rumors were floating around WEEKS before their breakup. And despite Hollywood’s cash crazed environment, surely she didn’t think all pencil pushers lived like Donald Trump? Guess she liked gettin’ her bills paid. You can take the girl from the trailer park…

  36. Sugreev2001

    Awesome job on the journals,and I think she’s absolutely gorgeous.

  37. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  38. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  39. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  40. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  41. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  42. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  43. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  44. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  45. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  46. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  47. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  48. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  49. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

  50. Al

    Anne Hathaway is the ugliest celeb woman ever..EVER!!

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