Anne Hathaway’s ex-boyfriend arrested for fraud

Anne Hathaway’s ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri has been arrested today on money laundering and wire fraud conspiracy charges. Raffaello was telling investors the Pope had placed him charge of the Catholic Church’s financial affairs which allowed him access to property being sold by the Vatican at “below market values,” according to official documents from the U.S. Attorney’s Office:

According to several witnesses, FOLLIERI kept various ceremonial robes, including robes of senior clergymen, in his office in New York, New York….. FOLLIERI had asked a monsignor who was traveling with him to change into the uniform of a more senior clergyman in order to create false impressions that FOLLIERI had close ties to the Vatican connections.

So, wait, religious people were tricked into believing something that isn’t true? That’s absurd. I mean, these folks are amazingly keen at determining what is real and what is entirely made-up fiction by some douche in a funny robe. Am I right? Also, it should be noted that Anne Hathaway is not being charged but was mentioned in the documents as Raffaello’s girlfriend along with the vacations he took her on using embezzled funds. Which means they’ll always have the memories. No one ever forgets having sex on a mattress full of hundred dollar bills and communion wafers. ‘Cause it’s crunchy.