Greetings, exalted one. Allow me to introduce myself. I am The Superficial Writer, Jedi Knight and friend to Captain Photo Boy Solo. (He withheld sex until I wrote that.) I know that you are powerful, mighty reader, and that your anger with us not posting must be equally powerful. As a token of my goodwill, I present to you a gift: These rehashed photo galleries from the past year. They have boobs in them. And sometimes butts.
Just to demonstrate how little of a surprise it is that Anne Hathaway‘s vagina (For the sake of whoring Google hits and not at all because the amount of women’s bodies I’ve touched is negative 13, I consider anything between the top of the mons pubis and the bottom of the taint to be vagina.) you could ask the goddamn Amish what the biggest Internet story of December was and they’d tell you, “As surely as I build barns, it was Catwoman’s fur biscuit. The new one, I speak of. Not Michelle Pfeiffer.” Of course, you’ll be dead shortly thereafter because they just blew their cover as androids. Butter-churning androids. With beard lasers.
[Ed. Note – 1.1.13: As of yesterday, LeAnn Rimes’ nipple was the runner up for December, but thanks to your surprising sense of taste, Stephanie Seymour‘s swimsuit malfunction snatched victory from LeAnn’s anorexic hand claw.. things. Granted, the object of Boner Boy’s engorgement could never overtake the raw Internet power of seeing 2/5ths of celebrity vadge, I think we can all agree this is the greatest triumph of the human spirit the world will ever see. Hang your heads proud today. – SW]