Anna Paquin should do bad things to me

- Robert Pattinson is straight, everyone. He was just joking/trying to make every teenage girl with the Internet kill herself so he can go to Starbucks without getting gang-raped. [ICYDK]

- Taylor Swift is our nation’s greatest country singer. Why the hell are we not related? [Lainey Gossip]

- Ryan Reynolds thinks his abs are so great. [Pink is the New Blog]

- Eva Mendes could sell me cock-shrinking pills at an orgy. [Just Jared]

- Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt probably made a sex tape, and don’t pretend 99.5% of us won’t watch it. [Celebslam]

- Chace Crawford is People’s Hottest Bachelor because he stars in Gossip Girls which is owned by Time-Warner just like People. I went there. [PopSugar]

Photo: Self