Anna Nicole Smith’s bodyguard is now claiming he’s Dannielynn’s real father, and that Anna Nicole suffered from life threatening seizures for which she was on medication. He tells Extra:
“She told me everything. She told me things no one else knows. I think it was an instant spark, and I think for her it was the same. She was wonderful. A very sensitive and emotional woman. A very good kisser, I must say. She was sick of being called names. Everyone was bashing on her and calling her names and putting her down and suing her. She always told me she wanted to have her kids with me. There’s always a possibility. Poor Anna. I hope she’s in peace wherever she is.”
We could save a lot of time if everybody just got DNA tested to see who the real father was. Or, ya know, we can just keep on letting every asshole in the world come forward and try to claim the inheritance. Somebody could dig up Martn Luther King, Jr’s corpse and say he’s the real father and it’d be just as believable.
salla | February 13, 2007 at 9:26 am
Ha!
Mick | February 13, 2007 at 9:27 am
Prince Frederick Von Anhalt said while he was sleeping with her she told him she was sleeping with many many other men as well. CNN reports up to 20 men could be the father.
Derek Hail | February 13, 2007 at 9:30 am
It was definitely her bodyguard.
jrzmommy | February 13, 2007 at 9:32 am
You don’t have to dig up MLK, you could just extract some DNA from a monkey at the local zoo. It’d be virtually identical.
Juliabella | February 13, 2007 at 9:33 am
Have you guys ever seen that movie “Kids”…….
I bet it was ‘Casper’…………
Germany | February 13, 2007 at 9:33 am
There is something i must tell you all…. the real father is meeeee!!!!
gambitzero | February 13, 2007 at 9:34 am
I’ll save you all the time and effort. I’m Anne Nicole’s baby. Oh no wait. That’s not the question. Ahem. I’m Anne Nicole’s baby’s Father. Maybe!
Pointandlaugh | February 13, 2007 at 9:34 am
I would like to say I am the baby’s father, but unless my sperm found a way to traverse the tundra between anna nicole’s pooper and her verginny, I’m gonna bet I’m not the daddy. Dang.
cartman | February 13, 2007 at 9:40 am
This is almost exactly like the South Park episode where I tried to figure out who my dad was. Maybe it’s time for an emergency new episode…
Niecy | February 13, 2007 at 9:40 am
Wow, another one? I think every man she has come in contact with in the last year should have a paternity test. It could be some guy who pumped her gas.
misanthrope | February 13, 2007 at 9:43 am
Has K-Fed come forward yet?
wedgeone | February 13, 2007 at 9:44 am
#4 – jrztroll: (yawn)
I would believe that up to 20 men could be the father. It’s called a “gang-bang”. Not a science experiment, like the movie “Twins” was based on. 8^D
The feds are going to have to step in & fund the “ANS testing program” of all males age 12 and up. Eventually, someone’s DNA will match up & this circus can end. If we’re lucky, it will be the troll running around this site, and he’ll be too busy to ruin this site anymore.
Too many men seeing too many $$$$ here. Pathetic.
MissRandom | February 13, 2007 at 9:50 am
This poor child. Not only was her mother the world’s most cuntacular side show, now every man in the world is claiming to be her father. She is already destined for greatness (“Jerry Springer”, “Montel”, “Maury”)!
At some point she is going to die from lack of blood just trying to keep up with the demand for her DNA!
GossipHero | February 13, 2007 at 9:52 am
Actually it is me who is the father of her baby. I remember it very clearly like it was yesterday. When Anna Nicole took her old husband J. Howard Marshall to the clinic to collect the sperm, they stopped at the local gas station bathroom because his urine bag was full. I never had sex with such an old man before, but I also never throw up so much before either. But to make the story short, the old man played a joke on them all and collected the sample from his leaking bum. So, there.
Btw, I’m selling my story for $1 million…
doomhammer | February 13, 2007 at 10:03 am
OK, OK. Ive got it. The father is Professor Plum, in the alley, with a limp whiskey dick.
Pizzikatie | February 13, 2007 at 10:03 am
I don’t know if anyone’s said this yet, but…
Personally, I think this is going to turn out like that cliffhanger South Park episode.
Dannielyn’s father is actually Dannielyn’s mother.
Pizzikatie | February 13, 2007 at 10:04 am
CRAP!!!!!
ch474 | February 13, 2007 at 10:18 am
Is there a betting line on this in Vegas yet? I’m thinking I could really cum into some money with my pick … Daniel.
Praz | February 13, 2007 at 10:18 am
I’d like to come forward and say that I’m NOT the baby’s father. I’m pretty sure everyone else IS (especially women), at this point. That is all.
ponk | February 13, 2007 at 10:27 am
i’m pretty sure i’m not the father. she’s got some big ass tonsils.
Smackage | February 13, 2007 at 10:29 am
i’m voting for that prince guy to take care of the baby….he seems to be the classiest of the bunch
Italian Stallion | February 13, 2007 at 10:30 am
I’m not the father, but I did nut in her eye….
freelief.com | February 13, 2007 at 10:31 am
Could this story be sadder? Any fk with a penis who wants 15 minutes of fame can come forward and say maybe he be the daddy.
86 | February 13, 2007 at 10:32 am
Horse teeth!!
Mick | February 13, 2007 at 10:33 am
It’s be pretty funny if after the DNA test none of these guys coming forward are the father.
Some of these comments are really unfunny and not in the sense that they are offensive, but that they are just lame.
thestraightshooter | February 13, 2007 at 10:47 am
I have come out here to say this because I know this is the cultural epicenter of the universe.
I am the father and I know things about Anna Nicole that no one else knows…
For instance, she didn’t like to be called a shitface. She had two, large breasts. She loved to eat and the thing that will astound many of you is the fact that she never went to college.
Our night together in the drive thru of KFC was magical. Long before “Dick in a box”, there was “Dong in a bucket”. I think the chicken grease helped my sperm beat all the others in the great race.
I want neither money nor fame. All I want is the bucket back.
Craig Stadler | February 13, 2007 at 10:50 am
#25 – that’s because RichPort and jrzmommy didn’t post those comments. Those two are really really funny. Just ask them, they’ll tell you. Or don’t ask, they’ll probably say it anyway. And that’s how you know they’re funny and other people aren’t – they’ll tell you. That’s important, because otherwise you wouldn’t be able to make the distinction.
kaerbear | February 13, 2007 at 11:10 am
I’m starting to wonder if I’m the father and I’m not even a guy.
I think they should just roll her corpse onto the Maury Povich show and get this settled. Then each time he says “You are NOT the father” someone can roll her backstage to have a tantrum.
AnybodyMakingSense | February 13, 2007 at 11:15 am
Hi All,
I normally don’t say anything and I just enjoy the back and forth “smack” that goes on here. A lot of it is pretty damn funny and for the most part harmless, but I have to say that it gets pretty tired with “jrzmommy” and her constant one note, unfunny racist remarks. Most of the time her remarks make no real sense (unless your a 14 year redneck from 1960!). I don’t mind racial jokes, in fact I could care less, but at least be somewhat funny, a little intelligent, and provide something new once and awhile. I think I know “jrzmommy”! Where do you live in Teaneck, Passaic? 5-story walk-up with 1 bath or one of those lovely 1950 Jersey ramblers with the fake above-ground pool? What, your husband works the day shift and you the night? (Lord knows you’re not working during the day to be on here as often as you are). I suspect a really bad blond dye job (60% of the roots showing), and tipping the scale at about 175 lbs (height about 5’1″). There’s got to be a reason for your daily useless racist pronouncements (we get it already – YOU DON’T LIKE BLACK PEOPLE). This will be shattering to all the people of “negro” descent who looked up to you and wanted to be like you. Please go to a new site more to your liking, like the “KKK Today” or “White Supremacyblogger”
summerbaby73 | February 13, 2007 at 11:20 am
This could be solved in an episode or two on Maury.
deborah | February 13, 2007 at 11:22 am
This would be a lot quicker if we just focused on who is NOT the father. Michael Jackson..that’s a pretty good beat…JFK…Fred Flintstone…yep, pretty much covers it.
whitegold | February 13, 2007 at 11:51 am
RIP and all, but is it just me or is anyone else getting a little tired of seeing the headlines dominated with this ANS stuff?
RichPort | February 13, 2007 at 11:52 am
Lesbianesque is the father. I would say it’s Wally, but we all know he has no nuts.
jrzmommy | February 13, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Well we know RichPort isn’t the father, because she’s a very beautiful fair-skinned girl. No traces of mudpeople DNA whatsoever.
RichPort | February 13, 2007 at 12:02 pm
For the record, I love Black people. They taste great with barbeque sauce…
(thunderous applause)
Seriously folks, I have so many Black people in my family, you’d think a prison riot broke out. Yes, we are the fucking rainbow coalition at home. I get racial on occassion, but the idiocy here of late is blatant and gratuitious. Every few months some assholes in need of attention come here and chase everyone off with their moronic leech tactics. Then everything starts to be funny again when the assholes get bored. By my calculations, that should be about April. It’s a shame really, because some of you are hilarious. The high school shit is really lame. If you want to attack someone, go for it. Just use your own handle and make it for something worthwhile, like chastising them for WRITING IN ALL CAPS or spleling al fcuked up.. Losing all of your internet friends doesn’t qualify.
RichPort | February 13, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Fake jrz, I left traces of mudpeople all over your bed when I was done with your cow of a mooooooooooooom. What can I say..? I’m a chubby chaser.
dannielynn'sdaddy | February 13, 2007 at 12:12 pm
AnybodyMakingSense,
That’s because the people who are posting as richport and jrzmommy aren’t really them. They come online for a while and amuse themselves with homophobic racist remarks for a while and we all just basically ignore them.
Now, back to the topic at hand, just to be clear……. We have 7 babydaddys at this point, right?
1. Howard K.
2. Larry Birkhead
3. Mr. Zsa Zsa
4. The Bahama official (yes, he’s black but we’re going for numbers here)
5. The Bodyguard
6. The dead husband’s frozen sperm
7. The guy who let her use his house in the Bahamas (we only have HIS word that he has had a vasectomy)
Damn. I don’t even KNOW seven people…….
Lowlands | February 13, 2007 at 12:19 pm
I’m also totally finished with this sea-cow!I’m even not interested in who’s the father of her baby!Big turn off!
Juliabella | February 13, 2007 at 12:21 pm
#37 – That’s a too general a statement to be true. The real RichPort and jrzmommy both make homophobic comments all the time. Take a quick look at the archives and you’ll see what I mean. I don’t think the real RichPort makes racist comments, but jrzmommy does. She’s more homophobic than he is, and it’s a short throw from there to racism, in terms of hate speech. Again, nobody has to take my word for it, just look through the archives. You can’t miss it.
dannielynn'sdaddy | February 13, 2007 at 12:24 pm
My apologies then. I always attributed all racist/homophobic remarks to their trolls. That makes me kind of sad b/c I liked the “real” jrzmommy and richport.
RichPort | February 13, 2007 at 12:26 pm
#39 – Do you write your archives on animal skins up in Queerbec?
RichPort | February 13, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Juliabella is an authority on clubbing baby seals… not trolls.
Juliabella | February 13, 2007 at 12:35 pm
See? He’s got a little bit of homophobic stuff going there but all in all nothing really objectionable. Not friendly (to me), but certainly not antisocial, and funny at times. Not so the other one. I didn’t say I was an authority on trolls. I said people could look through the archives and make up their own minds, if they really care, which they probably don’t. How is that unfair?
RichPort | February 13, 2007 at 12:37 pm
The French are funny, in a please don’t shoot me sort of way.
dannielynn'sdaddy | February 13, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Ahhhhhh, so this is the “real” richport then?
Juliabella | February 13, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Yes and I hide money from my French boyfriend under a bar of soap, knowing he’ll never touch it. And so on.
dannielynn'sdaddy | February 13, 2007 at 12:50 pm
#44
True…….except for that whole American Revolution thing where they saved our asses.
Lowlands | February 13, 2007 at 12:51 pm
(40)It’s not because of you dear.Every year just before Valentine day i’m getting turned off from some girls.At the end of this proces there must be one left,i hope.
Lowlands | February 13, 2007 at 12:52 pm
(40)It’s not because of you dear.Every year just before Valentine day i’m getting turned off from some girls.At the end of this proces there must be one left if it’s right.
RichPort | February 13, 2007 at 12:52 pm
What happens when you spray deodorant on the French?
They disappear…
When they saved our asses? That’s like sometelling you everyday for the rest of your life “remember that $5 I lent you..?”