Anna Nicole Smith wastes the Supreme Court’s time

September 28th, 2005 // 13 Comments

Anna_Nicole_Court.jpgWalking douchechill, Anna Nicole Smith, recently appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court in one last attempt to yank millions of dollars out of her late husband’s cold dead hands. Smith claims that oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II promised her millions of dollars when they got married in 1994 – he was 89 years old and she was 26 – but that Marshall’s son schemed to cut her out of the estate after Marshall’s passing only a year after he married Smith. Yesterday, U.S. Supreme Court justices said they would consider Smith’s appeal, which could land her as much as $474,000,000.

It scares me to think of future law school students studying the socio-legal implications of a case like Anna Nicole Smith v. Decency, where the evidence starts from Exhibit C and goes all the way through to Exhibit Double-F, and consists mostly of bras and the random number generator Anna Nicole used to determine the size of her new bust line every week. I’m not saying that her breasts will be a deciding factor in the high court’s decision per se, but you try to keep a bunch of angry old men’s attention for more than three minutes without flashing some bra action. Plus I hear Ruth Bader Ginsburg is totally into experimenting, and apparently she likes ‘em busty.


  1. TrickyB

    I’m gonna disagree on the use of douche chill here, petty as that seems. She’s no doubt a living, breathing embarrassment with a couple of rockin’ funbags but I’d be more inclined to call her a trainwreck. I also believe that it was Howard Stern and not Tobias from “Arrested Development” who coined douche chill. Also, this marks the first time in my life I’ve ever used the phrase “rockin funbags”.

  2. TrickyB

    Here’s a better use: I got douche chills when I read the writing in this story.

    I liked the last line though, I would have put “likes ‘em busty” in quotes myself for added ‘irony’. But that’s just me and, well, I AM a douchebag…

  3. Tommy Cruise

    And to top it off, apparently Anna was pissed that it took so long for her case to get to the Supreme Court. She just missed her chance of hooking up with William Rehnquist before he kicked off, thus missing out on inheriting all of his money, too.

  4. TrickyB

    Now THAT was funny.

  5. Ragin_Pope_Angus

    The State of Texas bears the burden of shame that she’s from our state.

    Mexia, Texas. (Pronounced Mah-hey-ya)


    If you’re from Texas and you’re worried about Anna Nicole Smith embarassing you, you probably need to fix those “priorities”. Methinks Dubya is a WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE bit more embarassing than anyone else.

    Besides, Dubya doesn’t have rockin’ funbags. Shameful.

  7. DevastatorX

    Pretty horrible that considering all the worth while causes the SC could be hearing, like Illegal Immigration, Terrorism, and just about anything else. They have to hear the scheming antics of this drug addicted loser.

  8. archyros

    Awww, I like them funbags. And hey, the old guy got his money’s worth—they should give her the money. Unless he was crazy, he knew how much a few years of fun would cost his estate. Yay funbags!

  9. Queen LaQueefah

    I would like to confess my douche was a little chilly this morning, since I left it in the fridge while grabbing a Pabst last night. I would also like to point out that I admire our government structure even more after reading this article. Slowly, but surely, we are becoming a nation completely overtaken by stupid shit. Who CARES about boring stuff like fixing levees or the Kyoto Treaty, when we could instead let the Supreme Court handle important issues at hand like awarding a gold digger some dough so she can spend it on more hot-pink faux fur wall covering and vicodin? Her son isn’t even as up to date as she is, doesn’t he still rock a rat-tail? I mean, it’s ok, if he wants to, but if she’s deliberately denying him cool threads so she can get a tit job, there is another problem here.

  10. Anna Rexic

    ‘New Superficial Editor Wastes Readers Time’

  11. reigne

    Us Texans have it bad. Not only do we have Dubya and Anna Nicole to represent us, we have Jessica and Ashley Simpson. At least Lance Armstrong and Beyonce make up for it.

  12. ohyeah

    hey, everything’s bigger in Texas. even the idiots.

  13. Scott

    Excuse me…is this the WestLaw site? I am researching relevant precedent for federal jurisdiction in a probate case…can anyone help?

    All I am seeing is comments about Texas and Fun Bags – is there any intelligent content here?

    I would really like to know what States don’t contain embarrassments, because Dubya and Anna are easily eclipsed by the many other idiots out there.

    As a law student (flunking), I would only point out that the facts:

    * No Pre-Nup
    * Trust Set Up By J. Howard Squashed By Son
    * Will Made Irrevokable By Lawyers

    Do you really think he meant to leave her nothing other than the assets that were either depreciating or had maintenance costs? I’ve been to Rick’s – they’re pretty much all trophy wife material…

    I lied about going to Rick’s – sorry, just a repressed thought.

    Got to get back to Yale and my Taliban classmate – glad to have had the opportunity to voice in with all you losers over a subject that has not bee approached seriously by people that have no other time available than to talk about fun bags and bash Bush and Texas.

    Final thought you Springer fans: Be good to yourselves….and each other.

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