Larry Birkhead – the guy who claimed to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter – has filed a lawsuit demanding Anna Nicole and her daughter return to California for a paternity test. Anna was served the court papers yesterday in the Bahamas, and Birkhead says he issued the suit because she had cut off contact with him.
Knowing Anna Nicole Smith it’s going to turn out the real father is some potted plant she was humping because it was late and she was horny and hey, why not, a plant’s good enough to look at so why not make love to? And don’t even ask me how a potted plant would get Anna Nicole pregnant. It’s called the miracle of life. Look it up.
keys open doors | October 3, 2006 at 8:53 am
she’s a ho. simple.
Dean | October 3, 2006 at 8:57 am
Second!
NotANiceGirl | October 3, 2006 at 9:02 am
This has got to be the biggest train wreck I’ve seen in such a long time- especially since the usual suspects aren’t involved..Paris,Hohan,Brit…
Baby, dead son, paternity issues, commitment ceremonies…. and who would seriously WANT to say that they are that baby’s father?? She’s such a twat!
RichPort | October 3, 2006 at 9:12 am
So people are fighting over the right to say who fucked her? That’s about as scary as R&R’s slick little silconed body having a dick… and IP tracking tendencies… I’m never going online again…
gmaninjapan | October 3, 2006 at 9:12 am
I think #3 is the real father…
Adult Underoos | October 3, 2006 at 9:17 am
i heard that her son was the real father so she had her lawyer boyfriend kill him with drugs. and then she took some drugs and ate lots of cake. always cake.
pop art underwear –> http://funderpants.com
bigponie | October 3, 2006 at 9:22 am
I don’t think she knows who the real baby daddy is and it wouldn’t surprise me if tom cruise gets in on the baby auction.
Italian Stallion | October 3, 2006 at 9:24 am
@4 I’d be trying to clear my name and say I didn’t fuck her, not fighting to say I did. Who the fuck wants to pay child support?
Xanthia | October 3, 2006 at 9:24 am
The nitwit in the picture has about the same IQ as a potted geranium – except without the flowers – so I vote for the potted plant theory!
shmoody | October 3, 2006 at 9:39 am
Let me see if understand this . . . two men, both presumably hetrosexual, are fighting over the right to be named “father” of Anna’s baby. They must, therefore, admit that they sex with this zombie like blow-up doll.
These two half-witted monkey slugs (and that is an insult to half-witted monkey slugs) would also fight over the right to be prime minster of Iraq, capitain of the Titanic, and Rosie O’Donnell’s ob/gyn.
I can’t think of title I would want less than lover of Anna Nicole Smith.
BigJim | October 3, 2006 at 9:40 am
I’m still waiting for the real father of Suri Cruise to come forward.
And Michael Jackson’s kids.
And Jesus.
Spiratucus | October 3, 2006 at 9:40 am
I bet Michael Jackson is the baby daddy? He mistook Ana for a fat, white, 10 year old boy. But holy cow how can you miss the hooters Mike?
UNWASHEDMASSES | October 3, 2006 at 9:41 am
Who wants to place a bet the father is some guy not even in the picture? Howard and Larry are going to look like a couple of schmucks. That would be something if the baby was her son’s. It would make a lot of sense, actually. Her son kills himself when paternity tests taken by the hospital following the birth come back fingering him as the daddy. Howard and Anna hastily declare their love for one another, name Howard as the baby’s father, and marry to conceal the ensuing controversy. This Larry Birkhead and his paternity test just may reveal how backwoods hick Anna really is. Anyone who saw 5 minutes of that train wreck of a t.v. show knows how inappropriately Anna fondled and dressed around her son. It takes little of the imagination to picture a coked-out Anna coming into Daniel’s room one night and doing more than reading him a bedtime story. I realize I am being disgusting raising the specter of incest at such a tragic time in Mrs. Smith’s life, however it is Anna Nicole we are talking about here. Any woman who would fuck that wheelchair-bound albino raisin would more than likely screw her 20 year-old son.
shmoody | October 3, 2006 at 9:46 am
You know what . . . I think she ate the father of her baby. Like a praying mantis.
“Come here, lover” Chomp, swallow, “Yumm”
Bioplant | October 3, 2006 at 9:47 am
I really breasts feel bad for Anna Nicole breasts Smith. Throughout the breasts years she has struggled with breasts weight gain and weight loss and breasts now this.
So painful breasts is her life. My breasts sympathies go out to you, breasts Anna Nicole.
Spiratucus | October 3, 2006 at 9:47 am
Hey I may possibly be the father. I don’t have any money. Does anyone know if I can sue Ana to pay for the sperm donation? Holy Cow! I may be a gazillionaire soon!! WOO HOO!
slantingthroughdarkness | October 3, 2006 at 9:48 am
Does Anna Nicole even know she gave birth?
“Hey, where the hell did this kid come from?”
http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com
Spiratucus | October 3, 2006 at 9:53 am
Can everyone that sleep with Ana please raise their hand?
Spiratucus | October 3, 2006 at 9:57 am
Crap that was slept with Ana. Where do I go to take a paternity test?
Spiratucus | October 3, 2006 at 9:58 am
I like # 10′s post but doesn’t Rosie go to a proctologist?
bigponie | October 3, 2006 at 9:58 am
This whole incident is proof that Darth Sidious is once again tampering whith the midi-chlorians looking for his new apprentice. Nicole is his latest victim and soon there will be a new dark lord among us.
Yoda, where the fuck are you…
pinky_nip | October 3, 2006 at 9:59 am
What a cum dumpster.
Spiratucus | October 3, 2006 at 10:01 am
#21 has a good point.
BigJim | October 3, 2006 at 10:01 am
Darth Vader is the father.
AmishDude | October 3, 2006 at 10:03 am
Is that ANS in that pic or Kim Basinger?
HolisticWisdomcom | October 3, 2006 at 10:04 am
I could see this coming a mile away. Either Larry is a stand up guy and wants to be an active father which is admirable, or he is eager to get some publicity for himself.
Time will tell.
In regard to those calling her a slut… I wrote an article about superficial sexuality vz. ultra conservative sex. If you are interested, here is a link-
http://www.holisticwisdom.com/newsletter-9-28-06.htm
AmishDude | October 3, 2006 at 10:04 am
…or Sharon Fluids?
spatz | October 3, 2006 at 10:04 am
her life is like a danielle steel novel….
Spiratucus | October 3, 2006 at 10:06 am
How did Ana figure out she was pregnant and not growing a third tit?
RichPort | October 3, 2006 at 10:07 am
#8 – You’re right, especially since the kid is probably gonna kill herself anyway… talk about a waste of fucking money…
shmoody | October 3, 2006 at 10:07 am
@28 no her life is more like a danielle steele comic book
Wampoon.com | October 3, 2006 at 10:18 am
She actually doesn’t look too bad without the makeup. I would hump her face.
http://wampoon.com
fearsarewishes | October 3, 2006 at 10:18 am
I think that it will soon come out that the methadone that killed her son came from her stash. I believe that she was using black market methadone or had had it prescribed to get her off all the other dope she had been using.
All babies born in the US are tested for drugs, among other things, immediately after birth. I wonder if that is the case in the Bahamas?
Fianlly, Daniel Smith was the father of this kid. Let’s get him in the ground before it can proved.
Amy3000 | October 3, 2006 at 10:23 am
If you ask me, I think its a pretty disgusting way to glean publicity. Capitalizing on her sons death, and already exploiting the birth of her new child. And I totally think she was fucking her son, if you’ve seen the pics then you should all be getting the ‘no’ feeling from them…she was way to close to that kid for a parent to be…I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the father. I think #13 is on the right track…
Don'tPanic | October 3, 2006 at 10:30 am
#11 Hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh.
CelebSlam.com | October 3, 2006 at 10:30 am
Has her son even been buried yet? Geez
http://www.celebslam.com
shell | October 3, 2006 at 11:14 am
The whole thing is just batshit crazy
shmoody | October 3, 2006 at 11:54 am
I got it ….. Optimus Prime is the father or at least I made him say that
Italian Stallion | October 3, 2006 at 12:45 pm
@30 I almost said what a waste of money,the kid will be dead by 18 this time. But I had to go drop off some paperwork and didn’t have time, so I just left it at that. Thanks for finishing up the joke…………LOL
GirlyGirl | October 3, 2006 at 1:01 pm
yeah she is a total head case. I wouldn’t be surprised either if the methadone came from her stash! I wouldn’t be surprised about inbreeding either. She acts like she was inbred. Has anyone ever seen her family? Half of them live in a trailer park and have limited teeth.
GirlyGirl | October 3, 2006 at 1:02 pm
Wait, no. All of them. You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl!!!
NotANiceGirl | October 3, 2006 at 1:13 pm
#5 g-man you fucktard….I am woman…and I imagine you’re also dickless…
HollyJ | October 3, 2006 at 1:47 pm
13 Maybe that’s why he killed himself; He couldn’t get the smell of her clam off of his face. I’d prob eat a mountain of methadone, too.
HollyJ | October 3, 2006 at 1:49 pm
…actually I guess it’s actually “DRINK AN OCEAN” of methadone, since it’s syrup…
May | October 3, 2006 at 8:28 pm
I never thought I would feel bad for such a dumbass woman. Her son just died and now she’s being bothered about this?
I dont know who this other guy is, but I hope he’s trying to suck her out of money like she did with that poor old guy.
ResidentX | October 4, 2006 at 12:22 am
Here’s the deal. I’m sure Anna slept with Larry and he’s the father. But Stern is representing Anna’s legal case. She married him to control him and keep him on the case. Since he’s pussy whipped, he probably believes,arrogantly, he is the father. If he would wake-up Anna would be screwed but this is this how white guy works. Have sex with them and get their ego involved and they’re pretty much putty. Way to stay on top, Anna!
techiedude | October 4, 2006 at 5:50 am
Actually, I’m the father. But potentially it could be one of about a hundred guys. There was a line behind me.
HollywoodSnark | April 5, 2007 at 8:42 pm
meh, not really caring about this