Anna Nicole Smith marries Howard K. Stern

September 29th, 2006 // 55 Comments

Because the madness will never end, Anna Nicole Smith and Howard K. Stern got married yesterday on a boat near Nassau. They reportedly exchanged vows, although there was no formal marriage and the ceremony isn’t “legally binding” according to Anna’s other lawyer, Michael Scott (just like The Office!). So basically Anna Nicole and Stern put on a little show where they pretended to get married. And I mean, why not? At the rate they’re going they could become space pirates and it’d just seem like the natural progression of their lives.


  1. She seems so concerned about her recent loss. What a twat.

  2. caljenna

    Oh, Anna, Anna, Anna…for the last time, he is NOT the shock jock!!!


    Ann Banna Po-canna

  4. You know what? I have a GREAT life. Seriously, I can’t even fathom what a cluster fuck her life must be.

  5. jrzmommy

    ….add to To Do List: Send the Sterns a wedding gift….His and Hers Monogrammed Nooses.

  6. “Tell this twat to get some fucking jelly – stat.”

    There Fish! You want to go head-to-head with Dane Cook references, I am a mental terrorist with that shit!!!

  7. pinky_nip

    Just call me DJ Diddles… rocking the clits from the ’80′s, ’90′s and today!

  8. shell

    It’s really a shame they aren’t still filming her reality show.

  9. RichPort

    I’m bored of this story…


  10. radio4play

    RIP sanity

  11. And so soon after her son’s death… what?!

  12. weenis

    …and the bleeding hearts try to creep away from the blog veeeeery sloooooowly…

  13. katlady12

    There goes what little sympathy I had for her. Her and her gold-digging lawyer deserve each other. It was a set-up from the beginning. Marry a dying multi-gazillionaire, inherit his money and retire to the Bahamas with your accomplice-lawyer-friend. Makes me sick. Ok, next story, please.

  14. How romantic. When’s her son’s funeral again?

  15. amen #15.. i was getting tired of being bomblastified by those fuckers acting like they needed to be all sweet to this piece of dog crap.. took her 2.5 seconds to pimp her sons final moments… then another 6.2 seconds to decide there was a new, improved baby daddy.. and bam! here she is all hitched and shit.. she puts the ska in skank..

  16. Madrid Marriott

    Show some compassion. She is clearly in a very emotionally fragile state. First, her beloved husband dies, and she has to endure a contentious legal battle. Now, her world has recently come crashing down around her, and I think it is wrong for anyone here or anywhere else to belittle this Woman. She is in love. Is that a crime? And she just wants someone to hold her at night during this time of need. Is there something wrong with that?

    In summary, can’t a girl get high and suck some cock without you people passing judgment? Geez.

  17. RichPort

    Yes you fuckfaces. Please line up and eat me, but save some for the rest who called this beeotch a waste of the human genome. I hope she cried all the way to the fucking altar, mascara running down her face like Tammy fucking Baker. Bitch.

  18. polypam

    Marrying one’s lawyer a mere 2 weeks after your 20 year-old son suddenly dies is just a natural chain of events for some people, I guess.

    Still, it seems to put her son’s drug use much more into perspective.

  19. @7 – Tell ‘em Ferret!

    You Angry Ferret you.

  20. Like I said on another site, under a diferent name.

    She seems all broken up about the recent events.

    Just like OJ.

  21. fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

  22. Two ff’s in diferent…

  23. jrzmommy

    Oh Star Maker Machinery, et. al…..come out come out! Please defend her now. PLEEEEEEEEEASE…..just a little bit? Just enough so we can all tear into you a little.

  24. RichPort

    #26 – Chocolate Starfish Machinery is hiding under her desk weeping. I haven’t heard from her since I decided to ask her to face fuck a horse taking piss. She’s been mad at the faceless internet ever since.

  25. Just like a fucking whore, getting married after the baby…………

  26. BoognishRising

    Marrying this guy is simply her way of dealing with the tragic loss of her son. She’s keeping herself occupied via a new relationship in order to distract her from her pain. It may seem bizarre or even insensitive to the rest of us, but maybe that’s just her way of coping.

    Oh who am I kidding? Anna should be boiled in a vat of rancid monkey spunk.

  27. jrzmommy

    She is without a doubt the lowest-class there could ever be. You just DON’T DO THAT after your child dies.

    I dunno gang……should we cast our votes for Mother-of-the-Year? Anna Nicole, Kate Moss, Britney or Whitney Houston.

  28. cole007

    just goes to show what pretty retards can do if given a chance to shine!

  29. Aaronmalamend

    Personally, it all seems way too set-up to me. I think that Stern wants to knock her off, and he didn’t want jr. to inherit her loot. He was the 1st on on the scene of his death. This will be an ongoing situation years to come… just wait. Foul.

  30. Pinky1978

    I felt really bad for her after the loss of her son…but getting married before burying said son? Now I feel bad for the loss of her decency, class, shame…

  31. Tracie

    You’ve GOT TO LOVE the press release!
    “Anna Nicole and Howard escaped their house at three o’clock this morning and boarded a boat to quietly sail the ocean around Nassau … on a clandestine sail to recapture simple pleasures — fresh salt air on the face, a sunrise on the ocean, and wind in their hair. And then a good thing happened: during the sail, Anna Nicole Smith and Howard K. Stern made a commitment before God to be there for one another, to be each other’s strength during this difficult time. By mid-morning, helicopters flew overhead, speed boats approached, and camera-equipped scuba divers invaded what had been an otherwise perfect moment of peace, solitude, and hope. The event was intended to be totally private between two adults deeply in love with each other and needing simple reassurances that they could count on one another through life’s ups and downs. The outing was never expected to be shared with anyone other than Howard, Anna, [her newborn daughter] Dannielynn Hope and a few close friends and family.”

    Although the ceremony was officiated, it was not a wedding and no marriage certificate was issued. Obviously, Howard is not the father and the “commitment” is for the sole purpose of trying to keep the real father, celebrity photographer Larry Birkhead, from getting his grubby hands on her grubby money that she won in her own grubby fashion. This poor baby girl is the central pawn in a disgusting play for Anna Nicole’s ill-gained fortune. Photographer and lawyer have dollar signs in their eyes…Nicole has another drug-induced haze coming before hers…

  32. biatcho

    makes sense. you lose your son & 2 weeks later have a wedding in the Bahamas where your son died. Nothing like a dead son to say “let’s have ourselves a ho-down!”

  33. ValeWolf

    You know what? she had to do something like this to ease the pain. For real. She would have killed herself without something like this.

  34. duds

    I can’t believe she’s getting married so soon. My God, my heart went out to this woman when she lost her son, now I’m like ‘what the funk’ is she so friggin’ looney that she can’t spend at least a month at the loss of her son instead of trying to hide the identity of her newborns father? Its pathetic, my sympathy is out of the window for her and I’m sorry but, she’s a wacko! And, to think, she was just about to earn my respect. I should have know better. Now, I do. Thanks for the post for I will no longer defend this idiotic mother to another mortal soul who bashes her to bits, ’cause actions speak louder than words and she deserves all she gets. Sad, but true!

  35. Jenners

    Beggin’ your pardon, but the Natalie Holloway sad saga was much more newsworthy and interesting then this dog and pony show. It’s like watching performance art where the performers bring their own audience.

  36. Ok, so first he kills the son, now he’s trying to gain paternity over the newborn. Sounds like his plan is almost complete.

  37. They did NOT get married. It was just a “commitment ceremony.”

  38. ProbablyTooOld


    Would a court recognize a “commitment ceremony” as a marriage of sorts if either of them are called to testify as to the events in the hospital room in the Bahamas?

    This fast, weird ceremony makes me think Stern gave Daniel some of the meds that were found in his bloodstream and is trying to make sure Anna cannot testify against him in court due to marital privilege (not that she could–she’s got memory loss but then again, Stern never struck me as a top rate lawyer who would understand minutia like that).

    It’s hard to pity Anna but at the same time, damn. She’s not a smart woman, she’s an emotional cavern, many think her lawyer possibly contributed to her son’s death and now she’s “married” to him. A ripe mango is less easily manipulated than this sad, unintelligent woman.

  39. Steeno

    41, exactly!

  40. I know people deal with grief in different ways, but this all seems so odd.

    However, when you see that she wore a wedding dress to her late husband’s funeral… perhaps this makes sense in Anna’s crazy, little world.

  41. Dirt McGirt

    He is such a typical Jew…

  42. Steeno

    44, how’s that?

  43. tracyp

    from the website:
    According to one of Smith’s attorneys, Michael Scott, the ceremony was “not legally binding”.

    “The goal was to exchange vows to reaffirm a commitment they have made to each other. It was also to give them a shot of emotional adrenaline,” said Scott.

    was he being funny or just stupid?

  44. tracyp

    from the website:
    According to one of Smith’s attorneys, Michael Scott, the ceremony was “not legally binding”.

    “The goal was to exchange vows to reaffirm a commitment they have made to each other. It was also to give them a shot of emotional adrenaline,” said Scott.

    was he being funny or just stupid?

  45. tracyp

    From website:

    According to one of Smith’s attorneys, Michael Scott, the ceremony was “not legally binding”.

    “The goal was to exchange vows to reaffirm a commitment they have made to each other. It was also to give them a shot of emotional adrenaline,” said Scott.

    A SHOT OF EMOTIONAL ADRENALINE? Is he trying to funny or is he just stupid?

  46. tracyp


  47. Glammarama

    How sad! This woman is obviously devastated by the loss of her son. She is probably just acting out and trying to escape. It’s bad taste and I think she would have just been better off to lay low. But who knows what goes on in these famous people’s heads. When you live in a fish bowl, sometimes you just snap I guess.

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