Anna Nicole Smith’s autopsy was performed this morning and the police held a press conference saying there was no evidence that her death was a crime. The medical examiner said no pills were found in her stomach, although the final determination of the cause of death will take another three to five weeks. He did rule out any physical injury, such as blunt force trauma, gunshot wounds, or asphyxia (meaning she didn’t suffocate to death on her own vomit), and said the death could only be attributed to natural or chemical causes.
Also, a search of Anna Nicole’s hotel room showed no illegal drugs, although prescription medicines were found in the name of Howard K. Stern, and included Valium, methadone (part of the deadly combination that killed her son), antibiotics, and other over-the-counter drugs including cold and flu medicines.
So there you have it. The mystery of Anna Nicole Smith’s death is finally solved. And by solved I mean it’s even more confusing now than when we started. Halfway through the police investigation they’re gonna discover a giant rubber chicken suit and it’s gonna somehow play a vital role in all this. And then a man with one glass eye will step forward and throw the entire case off the trail.
Good thing that this is Friday. No new ANS posts by the Fish for the next couple of days.
Get plenty of rest, my lovelies. Monday is sure to be a real bitch, keeping up with all of the ANS developments.
#8
I feel like nobody here knows who Molly Ivins is besides me and you. haha.
On topic of Anna Nicole–
she may have done some questionable things in her life, but shes had a hard life despite it all. She put her son in the ground, she had an awful mother, her husband (even if she did just marry him for money) died, she was in horrible emotional pain and it probably did force her to drink or take drugs, this is just an awful story
Hey, isn’t that Ann Margret?
Ann Margret is dead!?
This cements it…Anna Nicole Smith is now officially an icon. An icon of what, exactly, I’m not quite sure. But she’s definitely an icon of something.
After she married an already dying corpus,i still can’t feel the pity for her.
Hey Amy3000 — I’m starting to think that too.
How many people have mysteriously died around you? Howard K. has been there in “mysterious” deaths twice in 5 months. Hum……..what are the odds of that?
Fuck her and her cheap existence.
Nothing about her compels compassion. There are vastly more important things in the world than some fatuous cunt with the morals of a stray cat.
#8 has got the goods. RIP Molly.
I’m even more convinced Stern did it. However, I bet he’ll never get convicted for it or it’ll become a cold case and get solved years down the road with some kind of new evidence.
In my book, although she may have overdosed, Stern should still remain suspect numero uno for being the one to administer those drugs and play off the weakness of her own gullibility, lonliness and past drug habits…
1. He is a lawyer and thereforen likely have knowledge of inheritance laws.
2. If Daniel had outlived Anna, he would have stood to inherit her estate. Being that Daniel has no biological relation to Howard K. Stern, Stern would have gained nothing.
3. Eliminate the son, but not before impregnating a woman with your child. Son is gone and upon Anna’s death the infant becomes sole inheritor.
4. Because she is an infant, the biological father would stand to be the trustee of all inheritance until the child is of age.
Also, Stern was there when Daniel died and while he was with Anna in Florida, he was mysteriously absent from the hotel at the time of her death.
No kidding! God love Molly Ivins!
It really is sad that even posthumousely, celebrity trainwrecks like ANS get more coverage than truly great Americans.
I think that we are culturally fascinated with self-destructive behavior – like watching an accident on the freeway, or Lindsey any day of the week.
#59 I agree with your logic on Stern.
However, if he were truly a saavy attourney, he would have married her before the baby was born. Then, she would have been the natural progeny of the union and there would be no substantive challenge for paternity.
#34 “Poop” I believe you call yourself? (How apropos..)
Would you be a dear and get the hell off of this site and stop clogging up our pages with your PerezHilton spam?
THE FASHION PUNDIT IS COMING…
THE FASHION PUNDIT IS COMING…
THE FASHION PUNDIT IS COMING…
THE FASHION PUNDIT IS COMING…
FASHIONPUNDIT.COM
Got a little hint for you Einstein….
If she’s dead…OF COURSE she died of something…people just don’t drop dead for no reason….unless they’re like Britney and don’t change their undies and rip their assholes off from the crotch buildup when they finally take them off!
At least if she died of a drug OD, she died just like (and oddly enough, close to the same age as) her idol–Marilyn Monroe.
ANS claimed that Miss Monroe whispered to her from the afterlife.. ..
I think Howard was kind of plotting this.
Imagine a woman with the body of Anna and the brain of Molly Ivins. She would take over the world.
Imagine a woman with the body of Molly Ivins and the brain of Anna. She would not be able to get a job or get laid.
obv. she died of drug overdose
Hey guys, how long do you think it’ll be before we get ‘ANS: The Movie’…?
Hey 22 – that is the funniest shit I’ve heard in days… so good in fact, that I had to call someone else and read it to them. Way to go and keep it coming!
wow it all making sense now, the baby could be that old fools kid, I cant believe she is so damn calculated to froze his sperm,,, and what kind of douche is howard k stern to go along with this cherade when he knows its not his…
I second #46. I’m tired of reading about ANS. I’ll wait for the movie to come out.EVERYONE GO TO CARPEMUNDUS.COM FOR SOMEONE HOT TO LOOK AT.
I’m sorry for ANS unfortunate passing BUT …NEVER laugh off the rubber chicken suit theory, NEVER….It’s no more strange and tragic than the other things that have happened in ANS life….
#29, I am thinking what you’re thinking but maybe God wants Stern to have all the money! Maybe that’s why everyone is mysteriously dropping like flies. It will be sad that Danielynn will develop a slowly weakening condition which will leave her dead on her 18th birthday though. But what God wants, God gets!!
Um, “poop”, I’m thinkin’ GAY PEREZHILTON is more relevant. A typo perhaps?
RPLTC, with the white hot intensity of 10000 suns.
“I feel like nobody here knows who Molly Ivins is besides me and you. haha.”
Oh, I know as I have her books [brilliant crazy bright woman]. I had no idea she kicked the bucket. What a blasted week afterall. RIP dear Molly. Nevermore shall we enjoy your skewering of that rabbit face fucker, Geo Shrub.
I say the Shrub had poor Molly killed off by the CIA.
Bummer, I did a Google and poor Molly indeed passed away on Jan. 31st of breast cancer. Third battle, and she lost it. You go Old Girl! She gave us embattled liberals something to look forward to when we read her column. I can’t believe I missed this actually IMPORTANT news. Versus the waste of inches devoted to the pathetic ANS issue. Molly actually did good in this world; ANS did nothing but shake her huge fake jugs at America & the world. Which pretty much informs me that the world is so fucked up, it makes me want to puke.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/01/washington/01ivins.html?ex=1185944400&en=6a9711941967ca5a&ei=5087&excamp=GGGNmollyivinsdead
NYTimes about Molly….read it if you didn’t know her or her work. And read it if you did.
After seeing this snapshot I’d suggest the police not rule out ‘super sexiness’ as the cause of death.
Stay away from the Methadone folks. My cousin just overdosed on that. Isn’t that what they give heroin addicts to help curve their appetite? Yeah, it is. It is a form of morphine I believe.
Molly Ivins was a cheap slut. She even let Bill Clinton rub one off on her face – while he was running for Governor of Arkansas. Now that’s a slut.
i guess that narrows it down….lol