Anna Nicole Smith definitely died of something

February 9th, 2007 // 82 Comments
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Anna Nicole Smith’s autopsy was performed this morning and the police held a press conference saying there was no evidence that her death was a crime. The medical examiner said no pills were found in her stomach, although the final determination of the cause of death will take another three to five weeks. He did rule out any physical injury, such as blunt force trauma, gunshot wounds, or asphyxia (meaning she didn’t suffocate to death on her own vomit), and said the death could only be attributed to natural or chemical causes.

Also, a search of Anna Nicole’s hotel room showed no illegal drugs, although prescription medicines were found in the name of Howard K. Stern, and included Valium, methadone (part of the deadly combination that killed her son), antibiotics, and other over-the-counter drugs including cold and flu medicines.

So there you have it. The mystery of Anna Nicole Smith’s death is finally solved. And by solved I mean it’s even more confusing now than when we started. Halfway through the police investigation they’re gonna discover a giant rubber chicken suit and it’s gonna somehow play a vital role in all this. And then a man with one glass eye will step forward and throw the entire case off the trail.

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Comments (82)

  1. Brak | February 9, 2007 at 1:35 pm

    … the Hell?

    Reply
  2. trashtalker | February 9, 2007 at 1:36 pm

    so sad.

    Reply
  3. clarkehead | February 9, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    So does this mean it’ll continue to dominate the news for another week? I miss the NASA chick in her diapers.

    Reply
  4. Nia | February 9, 2007 at 1:41 pm

    Are all the other celebrities on vacation or something?

    Reply
  5. lulu | February 9, 2007 at 1:45 pm

    Those eyes were dead even back then …

    Reply
  6. lulu | February 9, 2007 at 1:46 pm

    Those eyes were dead even back then …

    Reply
  7. misanthrope | February 9, 2007 at 1:53 pm

    So… she’s still dead.

    Reply
  8. iburl | February 9, 2007 at 1:55 pm

    Molly Ivins died too….. aw nevermind.

    Reply
  9. sol | February 9, 2007 at 2:01 pm

    #3 is right, the only thing that’s tragic about this story is that it knocked the diapered astronaut right off the front page. now we’ll never know if she got so emotional that she dropped a deuce during her drive.

    Reply
  10. Amy3000 | February 9, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    Stern Killed her…I’d bet money on it.

    Reply
  11. SmyLee | February 9, 2007 at 2:04 pm

    Duh. NASA had her whacked.

    Reply
  12. Argyle | February 9, 2007 at 2:05 pm

    So sad. And by sad I mean hystericalarious.

    Reply
  13. Richie Rich | February 9, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Of course the drugs were in Howie’s name….for Anna’s privacy. So what.

    Reply
  14. jc | February 9, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    Wow she looks like the Bewitched cartoon in this pic!

    Reply
  15. DrBob2607 | February 9, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    Is it me, or does she always look like Mr.Ed the talking horse with those lips and teeth?

    Jesus, WTF is it with all these freaks climbing out of the woodwork claiming to be the father of her baby – especially now the kid may be worth $250 Mil… Christ, the next thing you know Michael Jackson will be on TV saying he’s the dad. How weird is this going to get??

    Reply
  16. theflipflopgirl | February 9, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    Anna Nicole Smith is hotter than ever and I do find it sad and possibly fascinating. I haven’t really kept up with Anna Nicole Smith before her death but now, that she’s dead, I’m sort of interested. No one can say this person was a talent, or a radiant personality. What does she leave behind? Nothing. Nothing except all this drama between a lot of creepy little minor characters. Well, that alone could be fun. Maybe Dominick Dunne needs to sort through this mess and whip something up that is truly engaging.

    Reply
  17. misanthrope | February 9, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    So the drugs were in Howard’s name, eh? That is so surprising.

    Reply
  18. Praz | February 9, 2007 at 2:12 pm

    I seriously doubt that it takes more than a week to get a toxicology report. Anyways, it’s just pathetic that methadone was part of the reason her son died a few months ago and yet she kept abusing it.

    Reply
  19. crazybroad | February 9, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    Oh, this and the last one makes this almost much more fun that when she was alive. This is better than …

    Oh I dunno, this is pretty good. Wouldn’t be surprised if the rubber chicken was the REAL father.

    Reply
  20. Mandy | February 9, 2007 at 2:18 pm

    Refer to comment #22 on the prior post, that should sum all of this hoopla up. The only person this is really sad for is the baby.

    Reply
  21. UVALAX24 | February 9, 2007 at 2:20 pm

    What happens to those two giant balloons she had? Who gets those?

    Reply
  22. Ted...From LA | February 9, 2007 at 2:23 pm

    I just can’t believe that astronaut got out on bail. She has to be an extreme flight risk to leave the counrty… or for that mattter, the planet.

    Reply
  23. Richie Rich | February 9, 2007 at 2:34 pm

    Tranquilizers and Methadone when used together produce a Heroin high. I feel sorry for ANS. Whatever.

    Reply
  24. fuctheworld | February 9, 2007 at 2:35 pm

    Yea today I even heard that Michael Jackson is claiming to be the father of her baby…

    but it did not wear a blanket or a feather mask so I doubt it is true…

    Reply
  25. Richie Rich | February 9, 2007 at 2:41 pm

    In that pic, ANS is wearing a 3/4 caplet wig. You can’t see the roots on the crown of her head. Howie K. Stern probably borrows them and dances in the mirror with his whatnots tucked in.

    Reply
  26. PunjabPete | February 9, 2007 at 2:47 pm

    13 – I don’t think it would be a big deal if we were talking Dimetap and salve for her yeast infection. Those would be OK for her lawyer to get her as a matter privacy. Methadone? Come on!!!

    Just imagine…. She pops a methadoen to cut her jones, is taking an antibiotic for the flu, downing cough syrup for the symptoms, and taking valium to sleep…

    There is little question where this train is heading….

    Reply
  27. PunjabPete | February 9, 2007 at 2:50 pm

    OK. Want to see some funny shit?

    Someone go the the zoo… Throw a cardboard sign that says “I am the father” into the nearest primate exibit. Is anyone not the father at this point?

    Reply
  28. Richie Rich | February 9, 2007 at 2:52 pm

    ^#26 Methadone for the old boobie back pain she always complained about. I’m not a detective. The son got it for backpain. Some doctor may have been bedazzled by her. Who knows.

    Reply
  29. sdtangler | February 9, 2007 at 2:53 pm

    Isn’t it wierd that everything that stood in the way of Howard K. Stern inheriting a $400 million estate is now taken care of?

    - HKS claims to be the father of ANS’s daughter
    - HKS married ANS just to make sure
    - ANS’s son Daniel mysteriously dies
    - ANS mysteriously dies

    ???

    Another thing that really bugs me, if HKS really loved ANS, why did he let her have Methadone and Valium in her possession after that mix already killed Daniel????? This is all just too convenient.

    But her son would have to also be dead and he’d have to be the father of her baby daughter…um…wow…

    Reply
  30. JessicaCha | February 9, 2007 at 2:56 pm

    Please superfish… the 3-5 weeks its going to take to get the autopsy toxicology report…. how bout no more ANS til then… tired of the re-caps… bc I honestly didnt care much for her, thought she was a strung out flusie…. and wasnt suprised to hear she died…. especially not for two days straight now…

    sorry so honest,
    jess

    Reply
  31. Richie Rich | February 9, 2007 at 3:01 pm

    I wonder what’s in ANS’s will. Time will tell!

    Reply
  32. PunjabPete | February 9, 2007 at 3:06 pm

    Her will…. Written by HKS no doubt… Boy I wonder…

    Reply
  33. MrSemprini | February 9, 2007 at 3:22 pm

    Here’s a new theory being floated around: Daniel is DannieLynn’s father. Your guess is as good as mine (let’s compare notes…heh heh, heh heh) as to how but considering the drugged up state those two have been in, anything is possible. Only problem we have now is that if Dannie is the product of an incestuous relationship AND her mother was taking whatever chunk of pharmacy over the course of the pregnancy, how long before her sentience awakes and we all get sucked up in the force that will be known only as “The Dannie Zone”. Whoops, gotta go. Sirens.

    Reply
  34. poop | February 9, 2007 at 3:25 pm

    Superficial is such teh gay now. Seems like you bite your information off perezhilton. LAME-O.

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    Reply
  35. poop | February 9, 2007 at 3:25 pm

    Superficial is such teh gay now. Seems like you bite your information off perezhilton. LAME-O.

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    Reply
  36. Triumph Insult Dog | February 9, 2007 at 3:30 pm

    Howard K. Stern, her “husband” and father of that child (maybe) stands to get all of the millions and millions that Anna was due.

    Do the math! The old man died first, then his stepson, than Anna’s son, and now Anna. COME ON, it’s like a bad episode of “Law & Order”!!

    Peace.

    http://www.blackbeatpress.com

    Reply
  37. Lowlands | February 9, 2007 at 3:36 pm

    It becomes more crazily and crazier.How will this end?Anna Nicole Smith was pretending she’s dead?

    Reply
  38. ponk | February 9, 2007 at 3:42 pm

    poop, perezHilton called, they found a brain for you.

    Reply
  39. Lowlands | February 9, 2007 at 3:42 pm

    (37)That would be the craziest.

    Reply
  40. poop | February 9, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    FUCK YOU ponk! You piece of poop.

    Reply
  41. ponk | February 9, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    perhaps she thought that ‘baring her teeth’ was meant to be sexy, but i think it more closely resembles a rabid opossum.

    Reply
  42. AnnoyingPseud | February 9, 2007 at 4:00 pm

    Harkening back to RichPort’s comment about HKS’s use of her wiglets & dancing. Okay, now I’m picturing Stern as Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs, with Anna’s little poodle [remember she had one on that reality show of hers], wearing her outfits now, hoping to get possession of the body after the Med Examiner’s office is done with it, skinning it, and making himself an Anna Suit. You know, to wear to less formal events & whatnot.

    Reply
  43. Lowlands | February 9, 2007 at 4:04 pm

    We all know perezhilton is friends with ‘celebrities’.I won’t be surprised if ‘diva/patroness’ Anna nicole Smith have really known him.Maybe he’s on the inheritance list and is the lucky one who’s gonna get her pink tanktop.

    Reply
  44. Lowlands | February 9, 2007 at 4:08 pm

    I’ll bet his boobs are almost the same size.

    Reply
  45. dannielynn'sdaddy | February 9, 2007 at 4:11 pm

    Perez Hilton is the only person I know that makes Brandon Davis look hygenic.

    Reply
  46. Lowlands | February 9, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    Where’s Richport when you need him?!

    Reply
  47. AnnoyingPseud | February 9, 2007 at 4:14 pm

    Okay, everyone go read the bullshit that the twats at Trimspa.com posted over there – it’s enough to make me vomit into my mouth more than a little.

    http://www.trimspa.com – the splash page is a triple shot of Anna & the CEO’s statement, calling Howard K. Stern “her husband”. AS IF. The fact is, HKS didn’t have a legally recognized marriage in the US. It was a sham/ceremony for PR purposes only. And it’s bogus that Anna named Stern as the dad on the kid’s birth certificate. She probably was given a few choices: Santa Claus, Scooby Doo, Howard K. Stern, old Mr. Marshall [the dead one] or Brad Pitt. While she wanted to choose Pitt as the daddy, and Scooby Doo came in a close 2nd, ultimately, maternity nurses decided that cartoon sperm weren’t usually viable outside of Toontown, and Pitt had been busy carrying Angie’s handbag, leaving only a dead man, a mythical figure from Germany & a live Jew as contenders for the father of little Dannielyn. The nurses ultimately chose the Jew because they knew Santa had fathered all the elves he could’ve possibly fathered back 2 centuries ago. They split on the dead Mr. Marshall, but he lost to one vote from a proxy, hence Stern the Jew was named father.

    That’s how it REALLY happened. I know because I checked Fox’s website for “Dirt”, the new trash show starring Courtney Cocks.

    Reply
  48. Foxbase Alpha | February 9, 2007 at 4:34 pm

    Doesn’t OJ live in Florida now? Maybe he did it!

    Reply
  49. Mr. Ed | February 9, 2007 at 4:36 pm

    Such a sad day for all the 90 year old billionaires out there. There goes their final chance for one last blowjob

    Reply
  50. brain | February 9, 2007 at 4:36 pm

    She wasn’t made for that business.

    Reply
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