Anna Nicole Smith admits miscarriage, real father, other crap

According to a sworn declaration by Laurie Payne, a woman who spent time with Anna Nicole Smith during her pregnancy, Anna confessed in phone calls and instant messages that Larry Birkhead is the father of her baby girl and that she also miscarried another unborn baby with him prior to Dannielynn. Additionally, Payne says Anna Nicole was taking methadone and “a rather high dose of Xanax” during her pregnancy. Her son Daniel is believed to have died from a lethal combination of methadone and other prescription anti-depressants.

In an email to Payne, Anna Nicole says she had sex three times with two people during the time of conception, and that one of the two people couldn’t get her pregnant because he had a vasectomy: “well one of two people once in dec and twice in jan…………you do the math but I hear someone cant do what has been done.” Payne also says Anna Nicole Smith said Howard K. Stern wasn’t the father even though he’s listed as such on the birth certificate: “I asked her why she did not just go into a relationship with Stern, to which (Anna Nicole) responded, ‘EWWW…GROSS!!! No way!! I would never!'”

And here are some other gems from the declaration. Stern making fun of Daniel for being a virgin:

According to the declaration, during Christmas, 2005, Stern began to tease Anna Nicole’s son Daniel “about being a 19-year-old virgin.” Payne says, “….Daniel looked at Stern and stated, ‘I don’t know why you’re worried about me, you’ve been around my mother for 12 years and haven’t had any p*ssy either.”

And Anna Nicole wishing she would fall ass flat into money.

Smith indicates in the e-mail that she’s hard up for money: “I cant work now so im pretty much f….d for a bit!…..sure counting on the court to give me my money….cause all I want to do is move from this house and get a better one and just star over!….and to boot Ive gained 30 pounds im horrified.!”

If anybody were to make a documentary about Anna Nicole Smith they would have to file it under fiction because nobody would ever believe it was true. Her life is so ridiculous they could replace the footage with The Chronicles of Narnia and it’d make just as much sense.