According to a sworn declaration by Laurie Payne, a woman who spent time with Anna Nicole Smith during her pregnancy, Anna confessed in phone calls and instant messages that Larry Birkhead is the father of her baby girl and that she also miscarried another unborn baby with him prior to Dannielynn. Additionally, Payne says Anna Nicole was taking methadone and “a rather high dose of Xanax” during her pregnancy. Her son Daniel is believed to have died from a lethal combination of methadone and other prescription anti-depressants.
In an email to Payne, Anna Nicole says she had sex three times with two people during the time of conception, and that one of the two people couldn’t get her pregnant because he had a vasectomy: “well one of two people once in dec and twice in jan…………you do the math but I hear someone cant do what has been done.” Payne also says Anna Nicole Smith said Howard K. Stern wasn’t the father even though he’s listed as such on the birth certificate: “I asked her why she did not just go into a relationship with Stern, to which (Anna Nicole) responded, ‘EWWW…GROSS!!! No way!! I would never!’”
And here are some other gems from the declaration. Stern making fun of Daniel for being a virgin:
According to the declaration, during Christmas, 2005, Stern began to tease Anna Nicole’s son Daniel “about being a 19-year-old virgin.” Payne says, “….Daniel looked at Stern and stated, ‘I don’t know why you’re worried about me, you’ve been around my mother for 12 years and haven’t had any p*ssy either.”
And Anna Nicole wishing she would fall ass flat into money.
Smith indicates in the e-mail that she’s hard up for money: “I cant work now so im pretty much f….d for a bit!…..sure counting on the court to give me my money….cause all I want to do is move from this house and get a better one and just star over!….and to boot Ive gained 30 pounds im horrified.!”
If anybody were to make a documentary about Anna Nicole Smith they would have to file it under fiction because nobody would ever believe it was true. Her life is so ridiculous they could replace the footage with The Chronicles of Narnia and it’d make just as much sense.
ponk | November 3, 2006 at 9:24 am
of course she miscarried… jeeeeezuz!
CoolKidWannaBe | November 3, 2006 at 9:25 am
God, what a freak
PrettyBaby | November 3, 2006 at 9:25 am
Hey it’s the jrzmommy story!
Brain Embolism | November 3, 2006 at 9:27 am
Who gives a FUCK???
I can’t wait for this saga to end!
** On a happy note! **
Come one come all, to
CooterPunch.com for
Girl on Girl Friday.
http://cooterpunch.blogspot.com/
It’s a must see!!!
PapaHotNuts | November 3, 2006 at 9:32 am
I wouldn’t be surprised if this kid belongs to Flavor Flav, Prime Minister Tony Blair, or a Tickle Me Elmo doll. She has humped just about everything that might have a dick. The baby will most likely die from a lethal dose of stupidity and drinking to much windshield wiper fluid. It probably has so much brain damage already that eating mud will be it’s biggest accomplishment over the next 5 years. I hope for the sake of mankind, the baby is injected with the DNA of Einstein, Socrates, and Ken Jennings so maybe her brain can develop just enough to allow her to operate a crayon.
BarbadoSlim | November 3, 2006 at 9:39 am
Stallion,
My money is on a Dremel 400 Series XPR Rotary Tool with a Tungsten Carbide Attachment.
’cause that’s how she rolls.
BriBri | November 3, 2006 at 9:42 am
“I don’t know why you’re worried about me, you’ve been around my mother for 12 years and haven’t had any p*ssy either.”
Ha! Gotta love that Daniel.
jrzmommy | November 3, 2006 at 9:43 am
3–I just took a page out of the Minnesotan Single-Mother’s Guide to Survival, that’s all.
wedgeone | November 3, 2006 at 9:45 am
So if she’s admitted that Howard K. isn’t the baby’s father, but they put that on the birth certificate, then doesn’t that qualify as falsification? And if she got Bahamian citizenship by lying that she owned a house there, isn’t that also falsification?
So now she could get charged with criminal offenses (besides child endangerment, for acting like the baby’s mother) and do jail time. In addition to getting evicted from her house, forced to return to the U.S., where she’ll lose custody of her baby, and finally get no money from the estate of her deceased first husband.
This is justice – the more she lies, the quicker she gets caught. Ask yourselves this one, kiddies: if Howard K. is an attorney, why would he be stupid enough to keep telling her to CONTINUE LYING? What kind of lawyer does that make him (besides a lousy one)?
commissioner | November 3, 2006 at 9:52 am
The lacquer fumes from next door have made me wonderously high. Everything is funny.
Where are all the bleeding hearts taking up for this silly bitch now?
Joshingya31 | November 3, 2006 at 9:53 am
MOOOO!!!
jrzmommy | November 3, 2006 at 9:57 am
Seriously, commish. Remember those couple of days with “OMG–Anna Nicole was GREAT mother!”? C’mon baby, say it with me….vindicated.
CelebSlam.com | November 3, 2006 at 9:58 am
This could not possibly get any weirder
http://www.celebslam.com
Italian Stallion | November 3, 2006 at 9:59 am
@6 I don’t get it?
jrzmommy | November 3, 2006 at 10:04 am
13-Sure it can. The part where a squad of naked gnomes pull off the Anna Nicole mask to reveal Chuck E. Cheese hasn’t happened yet.
carrie bradshaw | November 3, 2006 at 10:06 am
these people make britney and k-fed’s family look like a norman rockwell painting
RichPort | November 3, 2006 at 10:06 am
Poor Daniel, sacrificed to the methadone gods… they require virgins, but I’m not sure if he technically qualifies since the only woman he’s ever fucked was his mom.
HaYtersLuvDanielle | November 3, 2006 at 10:10 am
She probably miscarried because the TrimSpa shrivled up that little dare devil growing inside her.
commissioner | November 3, 2006 at 10:11 am
jrz- For real. She’s a real motherfucking mother of the year alright.
And some people question my parenting because I let my kid watch Southpark and cuss.
I’ll tell you what; some motherfucker makes fun of my kid for being a virgin, I’d perform a epididymectomy, sans anesthesia.
RichPort | November 3, 2006 at 10:12 am
#18
(crickets)
PrettyBaby | November 3, 2006 at 10:14 am
#3 Don’t troll me again
NicotineEyePatch | November 3, 2006 at 10:17 am
Does anyone else suspect Anna Nicole is going to be a “suicide by accidental overdose” by the end of the year?
I think Howard is going to pull a Daniel on her and see to it that her ill-gotten Marshall winnings go straight into his own coffers. I just can’t believe how fucked up this story keeps getting.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | November 3, 2006 at 10:17 am
Anna Nicole calls me all the time. The other night she called and told me she wanted me to go to the store and buy her 10 cans of Vienna Sausage because it was “Fergalicious”, and then she sang me a song about Mickey Mouse and eventually the line went dead, either because she passed out or someone happened to walk by and put their cock in her mouth.
HaYtersLuvDanielle | November 3, 2006 at 10:18 am
#20.
(could give a damn about your opinion)
(applause)
jrzmommy | November 3, 2006 at 10:19 am
Commish: Anna Nicole loved Daniel so much she shared her narcotics with him. I don’t think even Kate Moss would be capable of loving Lila Grace that way.
RichPort | November 3, 2006 at 10:21 am
#24
(CRICKETS)
PrettyBaby | November 3, 2006 at 10:23 am
I am so hurt that I was fucking trolled. Oh well, just gotta fight dirtier then. I see that niceness doesn’t always pay off
:( No jrzmommy, I wasn’t ripping on you. I don’t rip on fellow mamas.
D'oh Eyes | November 3, 2006 at 10:23 am
Someone needs to do some female circumcision on this vacuous bitch to keep her from having any more sex.
BarbadoSlim | November 3, 2006 at 10:24 am
#14 hahahahaha
where the kid came from, what she used!!
try and keep up paisan :)
Italian Stallion | November 3, 2006 at 10:25 am
I always thought men could be the only sperm donors, but I guess her pussy could count as one too…………..
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | November 3, 2006 at 10:25 am
danielle, this is for you:
A lonely mother gazing out of her window
Staring at a son that she just can’t touch
If at any time he’s in a jam
She’ll be by his side
But he doesn’t realize he hurts her so much
But all the praying just ain’t helping
At all ’cause he can’t seem to keep
His self out of trouble
So he goes out and he makes his money
The best way he knows how
Another body laying cold in the gutter
Listen to me
::Chorus::LyricsCafe.com::
Don’t go chasing waterfalls
Please stick to the rivers and lakes that
You’re used to
I know that you’re gonna have it your way
Or nothing at all
But I think you’re moving too fast
Little precious has a natural obsession
For temptation but he just can’t see
She gives him loving that his body can’t handle
But all he can say is baby it’s good to me
One day he goes and takes a glimpse
In the mirror
But he doesn’t recognize his own face
His health is fading and he doesn’t know why
3 letters took him to his final resting place
Y’all don’t hear me
::Chorus::LyricsCafe.com::
I seen a rainbow yesterday
But too many storms have come and gone
Leavin’ a trace of not one God-given ray
Is it because my life is ten shades of gray
I pray all ten fade away
Seldom praise Him for the sunny days
And like His promise is true
Only my faith can undo
The many chances I blew
To bring my life to anew
Clear blue and unconditional skies
Have dried the tears from my eyes
No more lonely cries
My only bleedin’ hope
Is for the folk who can’t cope
Wit such an endurin’ pain
That it keeps ‘em in the pourin’ rain
Who’s to blame
For tootin’ caine in your own vein
What a shame
You shoot and aim for someone else’s brain
You claim the insane
And name this day in time
For fallin’ prey to crime
I say the system got you victim to your own mind
Dreams are hopeless aspirations
In hopes of comin’ true
Believe in yourself
The rest is up to me and you
jrzmommy | November 3, 2006 at 10:26 am
#27 wow that was a troll? sounded just like you, sorry!
HaYtersLuvDanielle | November 3, 2006 at 10:27 am
#31.
(CRICKETS)
Italian Stallion | November 3, 2006 at 10:30 am
@29 BarbadoSlim doesn’t usually talk like that, or does he? I never said anything about it yet, so wierd that you would out of no where say something to me and expect me to get it…………
Triumph Insult Dog | November 3, 2006 at 10:30 am
Sad…no comment.
http://www.blackbeatpress.com
PrettyBaby | November 3, 2006 at 10:30 am
jrzmommy–Plus, you know I never get that high up on the old food chainas #3!! :)
jrzmommy | November 3, 2006 at 10:35 am
36–Baby–That wasn’t me in #32, but we’re cool.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | November 3, 2006 at 10:36 am
If Hayters love Danielle, then Danielle is, by proxy, a Hayter. Further affiant sayeth not!!!
D'oh Eyes | November 3, 2006 at 10:39 am
Geez, I have a dog named Danielle, and now, after following these threads, I hate the stupid bitch. Way to go, now I kick it whenever I come home.
HaYtersLuvDanielle | November 3, 2006 at 10:44 am
#38. No sweetie, I HAD to change my screename (continuously) due to the fact that fucktards keep signing in under my name. Not that it’s any of your business. haytersLuvDanielle is factual, deal with it.
#39. You should also kick your mother for giving birth to your dumbass. That’s one bitch that deserves a good whipping.
yardgraffiti | November 3, 2006 at 10:44 am
seriously, who would seriously do it with Stern. That guy is 10th degree gross.
Spindoc | November 3, 2006 at 10:52 am
Ok Superfish, I’ll say it. One of the best posts I’ve read.
Gotta love Daniel Ragging on Stern for not getting any. Too bad Stern had to kill him for it.
jrzmommy | November 3, 2006 at 10:55 am
*PRACTICING TECHNIQUES LEARNED IN ANGER MANAGEMENT PRACTICING TECHNIQUES LEARNED IN ANGER MANAGEMENT PRACTICING TECHNIQUES LEARNED IN ANGER MANAGEMENT PRACTICING TECHNIQUES LEARNED IN ANGER MANAGEMENT PRACTICING TECHNIQUES LEARNED IN ANGER MANAGEMENT PRACTICING TECHNIQUES LEARNED IN ANGER MANAGEMENT *
sirap | November 3, 2006 at 10:59 am
#4 lame excuse for girl on girl action. Try again.
D'oh Eyes | November 3, 2006 at 11:01 am
@40
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.
You’re funny when you’re angry, which seems like all the time. And funny in a frothing, mad-dog sorta way. Maybe we should call you Old Yeller.
Melvin Gibson | November 3, 2006 at 11:01 am
Hold up… why is Jay Mohr in that picture and what does he have to do with any of this?
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | November 3, 2006 at 11:02 am
I mean, wouldn’t hayters hayt Danielle? Not luv her? R u stoopid? Did sum Soul Glo drip off of your scalp and get n 2 ur brain?
D'oh Eyes | November 3, 2006 at 11:05 am
@47
Yes, by definishun, hayters hayt, not luv. That wood bee an oxy more on.
ch474 | November 3, 2006 at 11:07 am
#5 The question should be what has more memory … the Tickle Me Elmo doll or Anna Nicole Smith. I said MEMORY not MAMMARY!
If she’s got no money, going to lose the baby and get deported back to the states, when is she going to break down and just go to the next step of a full on porno “career”? Then we could see if she has been tightened up more than Joan Rivers and can actually still stuff one down.
jrzmommy | November 3, 2006 at 11:07 am
Good Splrz H8 DanYELL, 2.