Angelina Jolie’s child army just got bigger

July 13th, 2008 // 54 Comments

If the Earth started to feel a little more crowded this weekend, that’s because Angelina Jolie birthed her twins, a boy Knox Leon and a girl Vivienne Marcheline, late Saturday night. Compared to their siblings, these two got off easy in the name department. Angelina’s obstetrician Dr. Michael Sussmann updated the press on everyone’s condition – then handed out lollipops; he’s that good. The AP reports:

“He was very happy. … The emotion was very strong for him,” Sussmann told reporters on the hospital steps. “I felt the emotion of both the mother and the father. Angelina Jolie was speaking, was laughing with her husband. They were happy.”
“The mother, the babies, the father are doing marvelously well,” he said.

While this is great news for Angelina and Brad, this is terrible news for me. I lost the office pool. Here’s the names I picked. I dunno how I didn’t win:

Captain America.
Jon Voight Just Kidding I Still Hate you Daddy.
Maddox. (He won’t mind.)

Licorice Petunia.
~. (Pronounced “Squiggly line thingy.”)

Congrats to the Pitt-Jolie clan! Please don’t assimilate me.


  1. Que

    Que dang!

  2. nancy

    wow. those names…

  3. Ted from LA

    The word for the day is “emotion.”

  4. Ted from LA

    I’m sure there was a lot of emotion, but they should have called DHS as soon as they heard the names they chose.

  5. Chupacabra

    Vivienne is just fine, but wtf with “knox” why does she have this desire to name kids with “x’s” in their names? Pax? Maddox? XXXXX!

  6. veggi

    Some people say bleeding anal fissures are painful. I say they’re spicy.

  7. I preferred their original names, Whitey Two and Whitey Three.

  8. Pauley Shore

    Heeeeeeeeey, Tomb Raider boobies, congrats on the dual blobbage!

  9. jenipurrr

    wait a minute, the doc said…. “Angelina Jolie was speaking, was laughing with her husband.” Um…… since when are they married? Did I miss this???

  10. Bobby Davro

    sounds like Brad was being a real SISSMANN hahahaha

  11. miggs

    Hey Brad…how hot is she after all that tearing?

  12. Tech

    Well you did get one thing right, Superficial writer. The boy’s name ended with OX. Maddox and Knox.

    Cool Names. I’m still concern how Amdanda Knox is doing in Peruggia. Any updates from anyone?

  13. Tech

    Well you did get one thing right, Superficial writer. The boy’s name ended with OX. Maddox and Knox.

    Cool Names. Speaking of the latter name, I’m still concern how Amdanda Knox is doing in Peruggia. Any updates from anyone?

    I had the assigment of coming up with cool names–couldn’t. Unless you guys think Avatar, Tech or Knight were any good. Had to do it for my summer camp allias, where I would be teaching video game design. Oops, probably said too much.

  14. Doc Flaps

    The doctor didn’t get to see her poontang. Shame.

    Such a fleshy face but such boney, venous arms. How does she do it?

  15. Jen

    Her husband?

    Vivienne is pretty, Knox is stupid. I bet Brad picked that one.

  16. jag

    The sappy media lovefest stories about these guys makes me want to puke. It’s like reading the same thing over and over. My favorite take on Angelina’s pregnancy/birth is a really funny, untraditional one…

  17. milkrobot

    I am sure she will remain pregnant again and again, since both of them cannot act decently…at least they can get money directly out of her uterus.
    @12 Perugia with one “g”. Amanda Knox is still in prison and is charged of homicide and she will be persecuted together with her Italian boyfriend and a african immigrant.

  18. Bread pit, the asshole, wasn’t dissapointed it weren’t two FAGGOTS?
    (btw: SUCK ON THOSE TITS, you loser!!)

  19. girl unimpressed

    barney rubble’s really botoxing it hard these days

  20. Congrats to the entire familia. May they live long and healthy lives!

  21. erin

    The doc messed up big time…since when does Angelina have a husband????

  22. erin

    The doc messed up big time…since when does Angelina have a husband????

  23. erin

    The doc messed up big time…since when does Angelina have a husband????

  24. Paying for therapy for each of those kids is gonna end up getting expensive.

  25. Kendra

    In that quote, it says Angelina was talking to her HUSBAND. Her and Brad aren’t married are they?!

  26. magickal

    I am soooo not happy for them. Wow. they added two new stupid babies to their already stupid family. What a neurotic cunt Angelina must be. “I must have three white, three ‘culturally diverse’…three boys, three girls”…aarrrggggghhh! What the fuck is with these celebs (like these two asshats and J Lo & Marc Anthony) getting pregnant with the perfect twin mix of a boy and girl? That can’t be an accident. There has to be some serious genetic messing with, methinks. Fuck them all! I hope angelina’s uterus falls out.

  27. Celebs are crazy…and angelina was way hotter when she banged chicks. My site has evidence.

  28. ...

    The best news. Congratulations to Brangelina! All wellbeing and celestial blessings for them!

  29. BAH! laughing and talking while getting a cesarian? in your fucking dreams!

  30. by the way GRRLPLANET, she may have been *more* hot when banging chicks, but she’s always been wretched. she was just a little less wretched.

  31. Matthew

    congrads miss big lips and mr.overrated star with the birth of the twins do something I don’t something Kooky like GET MARRIED! the french doctor said the married oh doc moi mi they not MARRIED!

  32. She’s a pretty woman, but the tattoos make her look like white trash. Oh yes, and she’s a homewrecker.

  33. eastcoastgirl

    Wow, so she had two more blobs surgically removed from her body. I do believe Mr. Pitt will live to regret his dalliance with Ms. Jolie.

  34. latty

    Vivienne Marcheline…. that’s a very pretty, classy French name… it means ‘life’…
    …so why did they stick the poor boy with Knox?
    All I can think of is ‘Fox in Socks’….

    Little Knox
    In socks
    On a box
    Eating lox
    Hearing clocks
    In the stocks…

    the possibilities are endless….

  35. Randal


    Love you both endlessly!



  36. Congratulations to the whole family. Can’t wait to see the pictures that were apparently sold for $11 million (which will be going to charity, of course) :)

  37. Unknown

    You all are so stupid to fall for the devils plan. Aneglina Jolie thinks that she is not going to go to hell after she dies because she stole someone else’s husband, she is wrong. Adulterous she is. So, as far as I am concern all her children are considered “unclean” according to the bible. She has to be accountable for her actions when she dies and meet God. So, yes Angelina should enjoy her heaven here on earth because when she dies she will be going to hell. She is more than likely so damn stupid and not realizing this. “What a shame it is to gain the whole world and lose your soul.”

  38. toiletduck

    I am going t write a children’ book – “Brangelina and The Big Milque Titties”..

  39. Adru

    They’re married? Since when?

  40. Poppi

    You know, most of us really don’t give two shits about these over-rated self-important sacks of shit. The constant updates on their “family” are just fucking boring. What would be real news here is if old man Pitt cheated on wife #2- nom nom nom

  41. Lisa

    40–Hear, Hear!

  42. Randal

    I make Goatse look like a virgin.

  43. fuck them

    #26. You are awesome, methinks, no, no meknows! I agree 100%. And #40. We can only hope and then that the person he cheats with takes him for everything he’s got.

    These two are the most egotistical, pretentious, self involved A-Holes on the planet, they are beyond overrated. If they actually gave a shit about all the things they pretend to give a shit about they would never act like this or live the way they do. There are real life versions of what this couple is trying to be and these shitfaces don’t even come close to the real deal, they are as close to being humanitarians as Paris Hilton is to being a virgin. Two WORDS: Pretentious Hypocrites.

    I feel bad for their kids though. It’s not their fault their parents are trying to make a child version of Noah’s Ark.

    How can this possibly end well? Oh wait I know, by this blowing up in their faces without a single child being harmed in the process. Again one can only hope.

  44. Liana

    From all the publicity and carry on surrounding the birth of these two babies, you’d think it was the “second coming”, only a girl somehow got mixed up in the works, unless God has taken on the feminist cause and brought His daughter to us mere mortals as well . The only reason I doubt this is that Ms Jolie is about as far from the popular image of the Virgin Mary as it’s possible to be…

  45. carrie

    They are making an adorable couple though the guy ever joined the rich men seeking affairs club Mixed mingle . c o m a few weeks ago..but all are past and they will stay together forever!

  46. my comment

    Vivienne? Sounds like an old lady name. Knox is dumb too.

    Next year, she’ll be prego again, have another elective c-section in a foreign country {hey brang, try Iran!) and voila, babies # 7 & 8.

  47. xs6

    informative site on the hottest celebrity angelina jolies baby and much much more.
    Knox Leon

  48. Dave

    well few more they are gonna have a football team

    Keep Going..

    Dave Nick
    Knox Leon

  49. Dave

    well few more they are gonna have a football team

    Keep Going..

    Dave Nick
    Knox Leon

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