Angelina Jolie’s brother wants your soul

November 6th, 2007 // 115 Comments

Angelina Jolie’s brother James Haven attended the premiere of Beowulf last night in Los Angeles. Honest to God, they should’ve gotten this guy to play the Joker because he has the freakiest goddamn face I have ever seen. Can you imagine what it’s like for Brad Pitt when this dude comes over for dinner?

[Scene: The Pitt-Jolie dining room table. Angelina is tending to the children, while Brad and James sit and eat.]

James: Brad, I bet your soul tastes delicious.

Brad: Huh? What did you just say?

James: Oh, nothing. Just the peas are delicious. Like your soul.

Brad: Did you just, no, did you just say my soul is delicious?

James: Angie, dear, this dinner is simply wonderful. Almost as good as that time we made love in a canoe.

Brad: Gets up. You motherfu–

James: Jumps to his feet. Oh, Lord, yes! Pretend I’m Edward Norton in Fight Club and I just bought a tea cozy from Ikea! Oooh, I’m a naughty, naughty consumer of goods. Punish me before I get a Discover card!

Brad: Shakes his head. Why do I agree to these dinners? The sex isn’t that good.

James: Maybe it’d be if you were related! Zing! God, aren’t I to die for? No, but, seriously, Brad let’s be friends. Now, take off your pants and give me a hug.

Photos: Getty Images,

  1. Stephanie

    You are the funniest person ever… Can I marry you?

  2. Pam

    Now I see, in part, why America’s going down the tubes. The American workforce has declined in productivity because of blogs and the availability of computers in the workplace. I hope each and every one of you loses a job.

    Furthermore, this whole place called America is about to burn to the ground and you’re discussing (real or imagined) aspects of the lives of people you don’t know. You must all have peas for brains or less. I know it’s old and hackneyed and not so original, but “GET A LIFE” before this whole illusion called life is over!

  3. Angela

    OMGSH. He looks pretty damn scary here. If only he looked the same as he did when he was younger? Did ANYONE see those pictures?
    Anyway, at least she’s still pretty. And so is Brad. Mhhhhhhhhmmmm. XD

  4. Scrap Iron

    So this is Rebecca St. James’s boyfriend? Wow, what does THAT say?

  5. Rebecca

    I love this guy!

  6. Band Member

    Doesn’t Haven have a voracious reputation for bedding all his women?


    He still is!!!

    • trish

      He was fairly attractive in his youth, but something terrible must of happened, he looks grotesque now. They do look similar, Angie’s hands are very man like and she has the look of half man half woman about her. That mix of the gene pool did not work out well for those two. Being attractive in the teenage years does not always mean they will look good for the rest of their lives, their looks can change and that is probably why so many have surgery later on.

  8. beep beep

    #111: What kind of drugs are you on?

  9. I don’t take drugs. He’s cute, sexy, funny, and affectionate. He’s a great guy.

  10. James is such a cutie!

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