Angelina Jolie’s baby pics will rake in a buttload

July 14th, 2008 // 43 Comments

Angelina Jolie’s babies are fresh out of the womb and already their pictures have become the holy grail of tabloid journalism. While Jamie Lynn Spears and Jessica Alba netted $1 million for their spawn, Angelina’s twins are about to wreck some shit. Somehow, this proves my point that babies should be allowed to fight in UFC matches. E! Online reports:

Insiders are speculating the pics will go for between $15 million to $20 million. In fact, one photo-agency owner guesses that the only other thing that could possibly demand that much money is “Britney Spears giving birth to an alien.”

Okay, it’s only fair that I mention Brad and Angelina donate all the proceeds to charity, so you know they’re not money hungry assholes. In the meantime, whatever that guy said about Britney birthing an alien, I’ll take some of those. I don’t really have money to pay for them, but I do have these nifty coupons I hand out to my co-workers. Check it out: This one’s good for a “Free coffee run.” And this one gets you a “Great job!” I used to have some that were good for a massage, but I’m not allowed to hand those out anymore. Something about a lawsuit and sexual harassment, I dunno. I was too busy making coupons for “A photocopy of my wiener.”

superficial

  1. It is simply retarded that enough morons buy those stupid magazines that any company would pay that kind of money for pics of her two little spawn. If the idiots would stop buying that crap, those magazines wouldn’t pay these celebs for simple pics!

  2. dementa

    … and somewhere in a lonely hotel room on John Mayers’ tour, Jennifer Aniston wails into her box of bon-bons.

  3. now are we talkign about the babies after they are out, or of them COMING out of her golden womb? seeing a crowning head might be worth a cpl of million.

  4. Lexi

    Who cares. Babies are born every day. What’s the big deal?

  5. Lexi

    Who cares. Babies are born every day. What’s the big deal?

  6. Anne

    I don’t really care that much.
    - It’s not only ‘famous’ babies there are cute.
    ALL BABIES ARE CUTE!;D

  7. Anne

    I don’t really care that much.
    - It’s not only ‘famous’ babies there are cute.
    ALL BABIES ARE CUTE!;D

  8. Anne

    I don’t really care that much.
    - It’s not only ‘famous’ babies there are cute.
    ALL BABIES ARE CUTE!;D

  9. Guy

    All babies are ugly, only women see them through their mother eyes. It takes a couple of years before they really start looking cute

  10. who gives a fuck about these 2 people anymore? She has to be the most overrated person of all time, with her constantly cracked lips and those stupid ass tattoos. If her dad werent Jon Voight, shed be living in a trailer park with Elliot_gets_peed_on and veggi.

  11. Scott

    Wow…the double- and triple-submitted comments aren’t at all obnoxious, guys.

    Also, as much as I sometimes can’t stand these two, it’s pretty cool that they’re giving all that money away.

  12. zegabe

    if any of you is interested i can sell you pictures of random babies for much less than 20 mln. if you apply fast you can even take advantage of a very limited special offer:

    PICTURE OF BABIES FOR 20$!!!!!!

    nobody will be able to tell the difference between these babies and the 20 mln babies… so act fast! while the offer still stands!!

    what a lunacy of business these twins pics are

  13. Pepper

    I find comment #1 interesting, coming from a person reading thesuperficial.com.

    The only difference between someone reading a Star magazine and someone reading a free celebrity blog is that one is too cheap to pay the $2.99 to get their gossip.

  14. ...

    It’s nice to hear they are going to give money for charity. Will Jessica Alba do the seam, at least half of the money. Did Cristina Aguilera and Jennifer Lopez or Tomkat the same?….

    So I will by the magazine. After all I want to know the blessed children and also I want to contribute with a little by buying it.
    God bless them!

  15. #13 – Mr. Douche Pepper, the difference is this site makes fun of idiotic celebs and celebs don’t make money off of this site. Get an education, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

    If I want to pay $2.99 for something useless I’ll pay that for your sister (again).

  16. kitty_kat

    Iunno. I’m not entirely sure that this issue will make as much money as anticipated. In case you haven’t noticed, Brad and Angelina are old news now. No one even cared all that much when they were expecting even.

  17. cripes! no wonder they keep having kids!

  18. GROSS! Some left a assfull of week old semen on comment #10!

  19. Pepper

    Dear Sportsdvl,

    True, celebrities don’t make money off this site. And most celebrities don’t make money off their face being plastered on the cover of gossip magazines in unflattering ways either.

    And of course those magazine rip on stars, with photos of them in bathing suits with nasty comments, pics of them drunk coming out of a club. How is that not making fun of them?

    Why don’t you invest the $2.99 and educate yourself before trying to write a witty, yet wrong, comeback.

    Love,
    Pepper

  20. Pepper

    Dear Sportsdvl,

    True, celebrities don’t make money off this site. And most celebrities don’t make money off their face being plastered on the cover of gossip magazines in unflattering ways either.

    And of course those magazine rip on stars, with photos of them in bathing suits with nasty comments, pics of them drunk coming out of a club. How is that not making fun of them?

    Why don’t you invest the $2.99 and educate yourself before trying to write a witty, yet wrong, comeback.

    Love,
    Pepper

  21. Pepper

    Dear Sportsdvl,

    True, celebrities don’t make money off this site. And most celebrities don’t make money off their face being plastered on the cover of gossip magazines in unflattering ways either.

    And of course those magazine rip on stars, with photos of them in bathing suits with nasty comments, pics of them drunk coming out of a club. How is that not making fun of them?

    Why don’t you invest the $2.99 and educate yourself before trying to write a witty, yet wrong, comeback.

    Love,
    Pepper

  22. Well, I see you decided to (ahem) pepper us with that same comment three fucking times…

    AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHA…

    (crickets)

    Anyone..?

    (walks away…)

  23. Dave

    Babies? Gimme the titties!

  24. I love Brangelina!

    I happened to be intrigued about Angelina’s beautiful babies. I think she already has enough children but that’s really up to her to decide. I think it’s really awesome that her and Brad are donating the money, unlike all the other stars who are hard up for it. She is always looking for ways to help people out.

  25. Soul Momma

    Who need to see pictures of some skinny ass white womans little pink babies. They so ugly.
    Brown – it’s the new white

  26. mamadough

    i think she’s confusing her charity work with her vagina again.
    “oh, but pushing out kids and then spreading my love thin for them is raising money for charity.”
    what else does she need now? an eskimo baby and maybe a little latino one? i suspect she won’t stop til #8 or 9 comes along. pretentious, twatty asshat. if she wants to be charitable, maybe she should keep her fucking legs closed, if that’s possible.

  27. #24

    she sure helped sourpuss aniston out, now didn’t she? right out of a marriage

  28. What a whore!
    All these bitches having babies for money!

  29. Please stay in France

    The annoying thing is that this made headline news! WTF! Wasnt a blurb in the entertainment section enough?! Completely overrated stars, as for the kids, they arent even FAMOUS!!!!! Its the parents that are the stars..very wierd.
    I just hope those two go away, its part their fault and part the media’s for the hype, but either way I cant stand them or the media.. Now that the mayor of Nice and her OB (who held a freaking press conference before the birth!…moron!) have had their 15 mins of fame… perhaps they can shut up and let them live with their thousand kids and let us “regular” folks get some peace from the Brangelina madness!

    p.s as for the “double comments” comment, its not necessairly obnoxious people posting twice, but sometime when you click “post comment” it seems like its not responding so you click again and voila your comment appears more than once.

  30. you dumb losers

    Keep being jealous, you fat sows and pimply faced cows

  31. mamadough

    you are so right #30, i wish i was strung out of my mind, fucking anything that walks, trashy tattoos all over, cracked peeling lips, and having incestuous relationships with my brother. i wish i could adopt 3 pity case minority children just for the press. fuck, why can’t i be like that? i lead such a shallow existence.

  32. Truth doctor

    No, they’re money grubbing assholes. I was wishing for stillborns, oh well.

  33. Brad

    Be nice. She works for the UN, helping starving children, she’s a wonderful mother, she’s beautiful, covered in dozens of tasteful tattoos, and most of all, her farts don’t stink at all.

  34. shimmy

    She’s starting to really look like a man now. I guess babies have that effect.

  35. ahah

    how much for a turd!?

  36. YOU TWO are behaving themselves like kids in a candy-store.
    THESE AREN’T LOLLIPOPS!!!
    this is for real, YOU MORONS!!

  37. trailera

    Why is everyone so sure that they give their money to charity. They SAY they’re going to do it but who knows them in person to vouch for it. Isnt it interesting that russell simmons and other celebs give money to charity but dont shove it in everybodys face and these two gotta tell the world. if theyre doing it outta the goodness in their hearts then why do they tell everyone about it?
    Why do they complain about the tabloids and claim they dont want the attention and then take the money for the babies?

  38. LMAO! i read the Superficial on a daily basis and have never commented before, but I have to say this post was fucking hillarious.

    PROPS

  39. heat up

    I realise that this is a site where u can say nasty things like truth doctor, thats not being truthful that’s just fucking disgusting wishing for unborn babies death what did they do? it;s not there fault there parents are famous. say what u want but don’t be nasty, u went too far.when u have kids i hope to fucking god karma doesn’t bite u in the ass and if already have them i hope nothing happens, grow some respect u fuckwit!

  40. heat up

    I realise that this is a site where u can say nasty things like truth doctor, thats not being truthful that’s just fucking disgusting wishing for unborn babies death what did they do? it;s not there fault there parents are famous. say what u want but don’t be nasty, u went too far.when u have kids i hope to fucking god karma doesn’t bite u in the ass and if already have them i hope nothing happens, grow some respect u fuckwit!

  41. baby

    I just like to say, brad and angelina, congrats i hope all goes well.
    to all those who have had babies lately congrats to all of yous as well.
    to all u preggers i hope the births go well.
    if we where more care giving and loving, didn’t hate, this world would be a great place.

  42. thanks for your information

  43. best wishes to you !

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