Angelina Jolie turned Brad Pitt into a nerd

May 25th, 2007 // 156 Comments
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Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were spotted on the red carpet of the Ocean’s 13 premiere at the Cannes Film Festival Thursday. Angelina looked like her usual self, but Brad showed up looking like that kid in elementary school I used to take lunch money from and give wedgies. Although to be fair, I basically did that to every single person at my school, including the teachers and principal. Being 6’2″ at the age of 12 and having tree trunks for arms sort of helped. Drink your milk, kids.

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superficial

  1. Nics

    Yes! I’ve always wanted to be first

  2. RichPort

    In fairness, she did promise to give him his penis back for a few hours when they got home.

  3. schack

    hah!

  4. BryBry

    Her arms could not look any thinner. She can spear for fish with those things.

  5. adeliza

    Why is she with this pasty whey faced geek. What happened to the MEN she used to be with. They might have been brutes, but they were MEN damn it. (Imagine a gorilla thumping his chest now) MEN! MEN! MEN!

  6. Remember when he looked like this? It was only 5 years ago!

  7. Liz

    This looks like a lost page from that children’s book “Are You my Mommy?”

    Oh, if he only had a soul.

  8. Guy

    BART GET OUT, I’M PISS

  9. hollaback

    Angelina is still beautiful but OMG those hands. Its like she is 90. Plus it’s ok to be thin but when the boobs suffer you have gone too far.

  10. Yellow is NOT her color. I don’t know what her color is, does “I have your balls in my handbag” have a color?

  11. wedgeone

    #6 – FUCK MAN! THAT WAS THE NASTIEST FUCKING THNG I’VE EVER SEEN. HE WAS STILL CONSCIOUS TOO!! Don’t do that ever again. please?
    BERN – HOOK A BROTHER UP with a link to submit pics to your blog. I have two great pics for ya!

  12. kini

    Poor Poor Brad. He didn’t know what he was getting into when he hooked up with Angie. She was crazy years ago, and she’s only getting worse as time goes by. From what I have read and the pictures of her, it seems she only cares about adopting kids until she runs out of money and throwing up every piece of food that passes her huge lips. I bet the wild, kinky sex went out the window a long time ago and now he thinks “this is NOT what I signed up for”. He should have stayed with good ol’ Jen.

  13. schack

    whatever. she’s not crazy, he’s not crazy. they are probably hands down some of the happiest people on earth.

  14. havoc

    Were these photos taken in a wax museum?

  15. temp

    first of all, angelina looks gorgeous. way too thin, but you can’t deny she looks gorgeous.

    brad, on the other hand, looks like freaking ken from ken and barbie. he basically had his soul sucked out by angelina.

    bring him back! hahah.

    :(

  16. liz

    you are so fucking stupid for judging someone based on what the tabloids say.
    apart from that, her hands are nasty & HATING the hair, but i think her dress is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s.

  17. schack

    oh, and #6- thanks for destroying a little part of my soul.

  18. kini

    #6 I almost tossed my cookies over that! NOT cool man!

  19. captain obvious

    I give them 2 more years, max. I mean, come on, she’s bi, how’s that gonna work? Unless Brads into threesomes. But then someone usually gets jealous somewhere along the line. It seems like every woman Brad is with, he just likes to hand over the reigns…a real “yes dear” type of guy. And like he kind of morphs into a male version of them, and does what they do and looks like they look. Strange for a guy that could have had anyone. Although I never saw what the big deal was abt him; usually found him to be kind of fugly. She is beautiful (proof in physical form that life is NOT fair!)but I think she does have a bit of a strange figure. Not bad, just strange. I say she’s got some sort of eating disorder. But beautiful nonetheless, and makes me green w/ envy to have her face!

  20. Ooba Gooba

    Jolie makes me wanna puke. She’s disgusting.

  21. amber

    She looks ok from the waist up, those full body shots are scary. I don’t know what happened to her, she used to be so pretty, I would’ve turned lesbo for her, but now…not so much.

  22. Nerd? HE´S HOT HOT HOT!!! Dayum!!!

  23. Jeffrey Dahmer was a weird, crazy son of a bitch.

  24. crystal

    Those veiny man-hands make me shudder in disgust. Bleck.

  25. schack

    only a truly hot man can put on a nerd costume and still look delicious.

  26. Emily

    IT MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE ROBERT REDFORD.

  27. captain obvious

    ok, i just looked at all this pics and came to the conclusion that she is anorexic and he is seriously miserable. In fact,they both look unhappy. I sense trouble in paradise.You can have all the money in the world, be gorgeous, and still life sucks?!!! Life is Bizarre! But I think she has serious issues, espc w/ her Dad and w/ feeling guilt over eating when there are so many starving kids in the world. Brads probably like “what the hell did I get myself into?!! I just wanted to be a dad! crap!!!” I see them parting ways and him taking Shiloh.

  28. mrlithium

    i liked her better when she was fat, it looked sexy on her. she had fat in the right places, and now she has skinny in all the wrong places, like her shoulders/arms/face

  29. CHA

    poor brad isn’t aging well at ALL. and daaaamn she’s skinny. her bones are poking out of her skin.

  30. hey if youre gonna be pussy whipped, why not by one of the top pussies in hollywood? haha

    http://www.innerdrama.com/keelana

  31. robo

    Fish, you’re such a mouth breather. Brad looks great. And he probably was the kid you stole lunch money from. Everyone knows that the nerds win out in the end. Those dolts who pushed the nerds around peak in high school then become beer gut carryin’

  32. voodoomama

    He looks pretty good. Not scruffy and delicious, more sophisticated looking. She’s a beautiful succubis type nymph. They have problems, just like any couple. Nobody is happy all the time, no matter who you are with.

  33. Loli

    No way. He looks way hot – he looks totally classic. Rar!

  34. Why does his face look like it’s been sculpted? I agree with the wax museum comment, something’s a bit off.

    Maybe too much botox?

  35. #19: I’ve been saying this about Pitt for years–that he is a personality adopter. Goes all the way back to Juliette Lewis, at least. The personality he picked up from her was “good actor.” Pretty much lost that when they broke up..

  36. Brad Pitt, is hot as hell! I don’t care what costumey get up he has on! I would/will do him anytime! I think that Angelina, is crazy as hell! I don’t see how they get down! She’s so damn skinny, it looks like he’ll break her in half!(i hope)

  37. lambman

    Brad has always liked women that push him around, look at the women he’s been with Gweneth, Anniston, Angie.

    But he doesn’t look like a nerd in the slightest, he looks dashing.

    Angie is beauty is exceeded only by her insanity. To call her “insanely pretty” is an understatment twice over

  38. Navdoug

    She’s perfect. You can watch the blood pulse through her rope-like veins as she gives you hand-jobs. Then while she’s jerking you off and you think of something you need at the store, you can write your shopping list on her with permanent ink and she won’t mind at all.

  39. Sj

    eck, her hands are making me sick. I know old ladies who have prettier hands than that. Her face is still pretty though, maybe she should wear gloves.

  40. She’s still hot, though she does look like she needs a decent meal or two. But Brad’s getting the William Shatner face…eek.

  41. teetee

    So are they admitting they are a couple yet?

  42. Sj

    Brad likes being submissive. I bet Angelina has a whip and paddle at home. “Yes Mistress”

  43. Lindsay

    Oh god, you’re right, he’s looking more like a nerd yet more importantly- and his age is starting to show keeping up with those damn safari children. No Brad, No!

  44. Nerds are mammals too…

  45. snoopfan

    Brad never looked SO miserable in his life. He used to smile so big when he was with Jennifer Aniston, but now that he is stuck with this man eater and her ever growing brood of children… RUN BRAD RUN!!!!!

  46. snoopfan

    #29 – its probably from all the blood swapping with Billy Bob Thornton – yuk!

  47. Fade away

    these two are attention whores who probably are bored with each other at the end of the day.

    Guilt will always trail them no matter where they go. started off on deceit and will end ugly.

    Moral of day – leave married men alone and get your own.

    jolie is guilty as hell to use children to convince and attract someone else’s spouse.

    ugly, henious act.

  48. Blah

    Look at those hands. A few more years and she’ll be the Crypt Keeper.

  49. mia

    There something wrong with her arms… Not only because they seem to have highways on them, but because they are too long… She can scratch her toes like a usual being scratch is butt.

  50. She didn’t turn Brad Pitt into a nerd, she turned him into a pussy. and gave him a “make-under.” all she needs to do now is dress him up gothic and dye his hair black, and the Brangelina Clan will be complete

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